so many people are focused on blame. to be able to shift into compassion quickly would be miraculous. to be living life through our hearts with compassion, rather than blame would be to live a beautiful life.
Since a few weeks I find myself waking up with a closed heart every morning. I don’t feel anything and it looks like impossible to feel compassion, or love. This pattern helped me to survive at a very young age, but isn’t helping me now. This U-turn practice has helped me this morning to open my heart. Thank you Tara!!!
THank a lot for your words. I’m italian and my english is not so good. My mother was an alcoolic, my father an artist worried only of his art, and my stepmother an arrogant woman thinking she was always right. Not so pleasant to grow in such a disfunctional family. Listening to you I felt the pleasure of letting go and I felt myself able to love myself. I was already working on it. I know that it is just a little step and that I need more practice, also because there’s now a law cause against my stepmother after my father died. I don’t want to have a relation with her, I only want not to feel anger anymore. I’d like to be able to stand up for my rights, for myself, without all the anger and also the blame/shame that I usually feel. I really appreciate also what you told about Palestinian and Israeli conflict. Thanks a lot ! Michela from Milano
In my U-Turn, I experienced shame and hurt. I usually don’t let me self FEEL shame. It brought tears for me to bring compassion for these natural arising feelings. Toward another, I experienced anger. I don’t know how they are trapped, but I believe we both suffer from the loss of connection.
Patricia Grace, Another Field, Encinitas, CA, USAsays
I revisited a painful series of interactions with a long-term friend. As I reflected, my “victim” showed up, then my anger at my victim, then my sense of “I am right,” in short, all the defensive maneuvers that do not serve me or anyone else. Thanks, once again, for the opportunity to touch this unhealed part of me within.
Thank you Tara. I’m loving this program. It’s just what I needed just now, this very day. This practice helps me to stay with myself first and foremost. I have been in pain for the past two years and it feels sometimes as though things will never shift. I forgot to accept things as they are, as people are. I became willing today to stop repeating the story and start embracing forgiving myself 🙏
This is such a different way to approach serious hurts caused by others. Thank you for opening my eyes to the possibility of rebuilding trust through changing my own view. Seeing the vulnerability in the other person isn’t giving away my sense of control, it is actually letting me keep it. Thanks
Seeing the vulnerability in myself and having self compassion brought tears to my eyes and I don’t have that happen often.
U turns…yes…as long as it may take me…to do so with self compassion.
Christina Willems, Coach, San Francisco, CA, USAsays
Great reminders. thank you! Still working through the anger I have towards my father, but I am also learning more and more to go inward and love myself and not blame him for the fact he didn’t have the capacity to express love in a way that I felt he should. I know I am deeply loved by my parents, but as he has gotten older he has become more angry himself and projects it onto those closest to him. I have chosen to have a distant love for him and not subject myself to his direct abuse. I am still that little child confused as to why her dad can’t see me and love me for who I am – not through his strong judging eyes.
I could feel the hurt and anger and shame. This produced a shift. I could let go of the rumination that has been preventing me sleeping and begin to develop a way to communicate my needs without blame.
Thank you! I was able to feel some compassion for my narcissistic mother inlaw & sister in-law as well.
It s a hard place to navigate because their actions don’t stop but I don’t feel no contact is the best solution for at least my mother inlaw. So this was a great reminder to have compassion , to remember their wounds and allow my heart to see but not be too exposed to continuous poor treatment. When I stay in blame , resentment and anger I’m the one who suffers most and those I love do too. Loved the dog with leg in trap visual.. super helpful!
Thank you so very much, Tara, for your wise and gentle and caring presence above all. And also for specific stories, analogies (like the dog with one foot in the trap), and skills that ground and illuminate the inner growth you’re talking about. How I need it! How my clients need this! How most of us do!
Carol Anne Robinson, Psychotherapy, Philadelphia , PA, USAsays
I have completely let go of my blame for my parents who were mostly loving people. They were injured mentally. My mother’s mother died when my mom was only 4. My dad suffered from PTSD from WW2. I have the most difficulty in forgiving myself for the stupid things I’ve done. I’m really struggling to forgive my government for continuing to starve and bomb children in GAZA. I write reps and POTUS regularly because what they are doing is immoral. I feel so sick about this. My heart is heavy and I feel like I have bricks in my stomach because they aren’t listening.
Thanks for this great reminder of how we can break down and explore our instinct to blame and find more meaningful and effective solutions and ultimately deeper connection along the way. I look forward to continuing to explore self judgement and interrupt negative patterns that often take root, especially during challenging times for families and relationships.
I’ve learned to let go of the anger and resentment towards my abusive stepfather when I learned that he had been physically and emotionally abused as a child. I always knew there had to be a reason why he was so hateful
I hope I could be a few steps closer to being a more emotionally authentic person. A person who could feel and be aware of my needs and who could express them when necessary in order to get closer to getting what I want and need from other people. By doing so, I would also feel less anger and sadness and would stop blaming others for dissapointing me.
I have been moving along this path from self blame toward understanding, acceptance and compassion consciously over last four years. It feels good, but endless. May patience and kindness be endless🙏🏽
MaryNeal Jones, Other, Saint Petersburg, FL, USAsays
Thank you so much for this very succinct but extremely powerful presentation. Doing the U-turn exercise brought up tears from a deep place as I thought about my adult son and his seemingly damaging and threatening actions toward me in the year and a half since his father died. I saw so clearly the reality that my blaming him (which I thought of as asking him to take responsibility for his inexplicable (to me) actions) was actually making it more difficult for us to connect. It stirred such deep compassion within me, both for myself and for him. I will never forget to look for the leg caught in the trap as I make my way through life.
Question: Who would I be if I could lesson the anger and blame?
Answer:A more present parent, sister, and compassionate partner. A daughter who forgives and softens reactions to intentional interactions without guilt.
Although I am constantly hung up on *how* to process when I don’t have the memories that go with the reactions and emotions. Questioning myself leads to frustration because I don’t have the memories to recall and work through as a u-turn.
As a spiritual coach, I have many clients who bring their deepest traumas with them. I appreciate the U-turn practice of stepping back and looking within which can open a pathway to forgiveness. Thank you, Tara.
Gratefully? Jan
Bharathy Thridandam, Psychotherapy, Carlsbad, CA, USAsays
Thank you for your words of wisdom, Tara. Every time I listen to your webinar series, it helps me pause, reflect and shift whatever narrative may have taken hold of me at the time. This slowing down, the practice of RAIN, helps me understand/acknowledge whatever pain I am holding within me, the urge for reactivity, the letting go & nurture myself as I’d nurture my kids. Human suffering is universal and no one is perfect. I have the potential to bring deep healing to many as I heal myself. So, thank you for these techniques, Tara…..choosing connection over criticism or blame with U turn, recognizing the vulnerability in others and being compassionate with self and others🙏🏽.
I believe I would be even more peaceful within if I gave up the judgement and blame of my Father, who (now I realize) had his leg in a trap of alcoholism and anger. Thank you, Tara.
Trey Parsons, Another Field, Oklahoma City, OK, USAsays
I’d be out of that beartrap and free to be the genuine me, causing ripples as I go forward—being a better father, partner, and friend to myself and the world around me.
I would be connected and in love with life- enjoying the ride no matter the intensity of the waves.
Thank you for this and everything you do, Tara. (And Community).
Sierra Fessler, Another Field, Apache Junction , AZ, USAsays
Shifting from blame and turning inward takes a lot of courage and patience. It can be painful as one works through deep wounds. Fortunately, those wounds can start to heal and it’s so freeing to begin to have compassion for others. I have learned this practice and have been intentional in using it in my life. It has been life changing for me!
thank you for this video series. I hope to shift out of self criticism and learn to offer compassion to myself and then to others. I could be a force for peace and acceptance in my family if can let go of criticism and blame, by learning how to unclench and see thar other may be acting because of their wounds
I would feel lighter. But the situations that affect me I have long tried to find compassion and understanding of my own as well as the others involved. But my boundaries are continually crossed. So I might have to opt for maintaining my armour and keep a healthy distance.
Your example of a dog with its leg in a trap was very helpful. It allowed me to feel compassion for someone who had hurt me. I will use that technique going forward Thank you🙏🏼
The U turn gave me a chance to really sit with the hurt part of myself and not feel attached to where it originated or who created it and/or the “story”. Who would I be if I let go of self judgment and blame? I think I would be liberated and much more joyful.
This resonates perfectly with me in the moment and confirms how seeing my being caught in hurt, resentment and blame puts me an unhealthy looping cycle. By letting go and making the U turn with acceptance, compassion and forgiveness, I am able to heal myself and experience forgiveness and compassion towards to other, who’s leg is in a trap. Thank you Tara for this wisdom.
I have a particular gift for listening closely and connecting with others. At present I am wasting a lot of precious time by remaining locked in a frustrating and stagnant relationship.
I like the simple practise of hand on heart and saying that it is ok to feel a certain way…without self blame…plus, perhaps, some breaths. Thank you.
so many people are focused on blame. to be able to shift into compassion quickly would be miraculous. to be living life through our hearts with compassion, rather than blame would be to live a beautiful life.
Since a few weeks I find myself waking up with a closed heart every morning. I don’t feel anything and it looks like impossible to feel compassion, or love. This pattern helped me to survive at a very young age, but isn’t helping me now. This U-turn practice has helped me this morning to open my heart. Thank you Tara!!!
THank a lot for your words. I’m italian and my english is not so good. My mother was an alcoolic, my father an artist worried only of his art, and my stepmother an arrogant woman thinking she was always right. Not so pleasant to grow in such a disfunctional family. Listening to you I felt the pleasure of letting go and I felt myself able to love myself. I was already working on it. I know that it is just a little step and that I need more practice, also because there’s now a law cause against my stepmother after my father died. I don’t want to have a relation with her, I only want not to feel anger anymore. I’d like to be able to stand up for my rights, for myself, without all the anger and also the blame/shame that I usually feel. I really appreciate also what you told about Palestinian and Israeli conflict. Thanks a lot ! Michela from Milano
In my U-Turn, I experienced shame and hurt. I usually don’t let me self FEEL shame. It brought tears for me to bring compassion for these natural arising feelings. Toward another, I experienced anger. I don’t know how they are trapped, but I believe we both suffer from the loss of connection.
I revisited a painful series of interactions with a long-term friend. As I reflected, my “victim” showed up, then my anger at my victim, then my sense of “I am right,” in short, all the defensive maneuvers that do not serve me or anyone else. Thanks, once again, for the opportunity to touch this unhealed part of me within.
Thank you Tara. I’m loving this program. It’s just what I needed just now, this very day. This practice helps me to stay with myself first and foremost. I have been in pain for the past two years and it feels sometimes as though things will never shift. I forgot to accept things as they are, as people are. I became willing today to stop repeating the story and start embracing forgiving myself 🙏
This is such a different way to approach serious hurts caused by others. Thank you for opening my eyes to the possibility of rebuilding trust through changing my own view. Seeing the vulnerability in the other person isn’t giving away my sense of control, it is actually letting me keep it. Thanks
Seeing the vulnerability in myself and having self compassion brought tears to my eyes and I don’t have that happen often.
U turns…yes…as long as it may take me…to do so with self compassion.
Great reminders. thank you! Still working through the anger I have towards my father, but I am also learning more and more to go inward and love myself and not blame him for the fact he didn’t have the capacity to express love in a way that I felt he should. I know I am deeply loved by my parents, but as he has gotten older he has become more angry himself and projects it onto those closest to him. I have chosen to have a distant love for him and not subject myself to his direct abuse. I am still that little child confused as to why her dad can’t see me and love me for who I am – not through his strong judging eyes.
I could feel the hurt and anger and shame. This produced a shift. I could let go of the rumination that has been preventing me sleeping and begin to develop a way to communicate my needs without blame.
It gives me hope,seeing me with care loving eyes, i am not wrong or deffective or not doing what others want from me , i am me, with value inside
I felt a release of anger for that person once I realized that the other person was hurting too.
Thank you! I was able to feel some compassion for my narcissistic mother inlaw & sister in-law as well.
It s a hard place to navigate because their actions don’t stop but I don’t feel no contact is the best solution for at least my mother inlaw. So this was a great reminder to have compassion , to remember their wounds and allow my heart to see but not be too exposed to continuous poor treatment. When I stay in blame , resentment and anger I’m the one who suffers most and those I love do too. Loved the dog with leg in trap visual.. super helpful!
Thank you so very much, Tara, for your wise and gentle and caring presence above all. And also for specific stories, analogies (like the dog with one foot in the trap), and skills that ground and illuminate the inner growth you’re talking about. How I need it! How my clients need this! How most of us do!
Warmly,
Stacey
Thank you
I would be more compassionate with self and others. More accepting of what is.and less controlling. More trusting of self and others.
I have completely let go of my blame for my parents who were mostly loving people. They were injured mentally. My mother’s mother died when my mom was only 4. My dad suffered from PTSD from WW2. I have the most difficulty in forgiving myself for the stupid things I’ve done. I’m really struggling to forgive my government for continuing to starve and bomb children in GAZA. I write reps and POTUS regularly because what they are doing is immoral. I feel so sick about this. My heart is heavy and I feel like I have bricks in my stomach because they aren’t listening.
Thank you for the 3 step process. I find the turn particularly helpful.
Thanks for this great reminder of how we can break down and explore our instinct to blame and find more meaningful and effective solutions and ultimately deeper connection along the way. I look forward to continuing to explore self judgement and interrupt negative patterns that often take root, especially during challenging times for families and relationships.
Very helpful, clear and compassionate guidance. Thank you Tara!
Thank you for these insightful videos!
I’ve learned to let go of the anger and resentment towards my abusive stepfather when I learned that he had been physically and emotionally abused as a child. I always knew there had to be a reason why he was so hateful
I hope I could be a few steps closer to being a more emotionally authentic person. A person who could feel and be aware of my needs and who could express them when necessary in order to get closer to getting what I want and need from other people. By doing so, I would also feel less anger and sadness and would stop blaming others for dissapointing me.
I have been moving along this path from self blame toward understanding, acceptance and compassion consciously over last four years. It feels good, but endless. May patience and kindness be endless🙏🏽
Thank you so much for this very succinct but extremely powerful presentation. Doing the U-turn exercise brought up tears from a deep place as I thought about my adult son and his seemingly damaging and threatening actions toward me in the year and a half since his father died. I saw so clearly the reality that my blaming him (which I thought of as asking him to take responsibility for his inexplicable (to me) actions) was actually making it more difficult for us to connect. It stirred such deep compassion within me, both for myself and for him. I will never forget to look for the leg caught in the trap as I make my way through life.
Very good. I reminder to be kind to myself.
Question: Who would I be if I could lesson the anger and blame?
Answer:A more present parent, sister, and compassionate partner. A daughter who forgives and softens reactions to intentional interactions without guilt.
Although I am constantly hung up on *how* to process when I don’t have the memories that go with the reactions and emotions. Questioning myself leads to frustration because I don’t have the memories to recall and work through as a u-turn.
These exercises described seem very helpful when hurt by a friend, leading to friend-relationship renewal.
Lovely simple exercise. Even more relevant in 2024
Thank you.
I can be hard to drop out of head into heart but it’s certainly the way through to self compassion. Thank you.
As a spiritual coach, I have many clients who bring their deepest traumas with them. I appreciate the U-turn practice of stepping back and looking within which can open a pathway to forgiveness. Thank you, Tara.
Gratefully? Jan
Thank you for your words of wisdom, Tara. Every time I listen to your webinar series, it helps me pause, reflect and shift whatever narrative may have taken hold of me at the time. This slowing down, the practice of RAIN, helps me understand/acknowledge whatever pain I am holding within me, the urge for reactivity, the letting go & nurture myself as I’d nurture my kids. Human suffering is universal and no one is perfect. I have the potential to bring deep healing to many as I heal myself. So, thank you for these techniques, Tara…..choosing connection over criticism or blame with U turn, recognizing the vulnerability in others and being compassionate with self and others🙏🏽.
I would need to take risks and to move forward – and I would be more compassionate with myself – I would have to take responsibility for my life
I believe I would be even more peaceful within if I gave up the judgement and blame of my Father, who (now I realize) had his leg in a trap of alcoholism and anger. Thank you, Tara.
Thank you! Such a powerful technique, it made me very emotional and realise how much I hold on to anger to protect myself from further hurt
I’d be out of that beartrap and free to be the genuine me, causing ripples as I go forward—being a better father, partner, and friend to myself and the world around me.
I would be connected and in love with life- enjoying the ride no matter the intensity of the waves.
Thank you for this and everything you do, Tara. (And Community).
Peace and Blessings!
Shifting from blame and turning inward takes a lot of courage and patience. It can be painful as one works through deep wounds. Fortunately, those wounds can start to heal and it’s so freeing to begin to have compassion for others. I have learned this practice and have been intentional in using it in my life. It has been life changing for me!
With three brothers and a sister and a strict father, I naturally seek who to blame. I think that this will be good practice!
thank you for this video series. I hope to shift out of self criticism and learn to offer compassion to myself and then to others. I could be a force for peace and acceptance in my family if can let go of criticism and blame, by learning how to unclench and see thar other may be acting because of their wounds
beautiful and revealing practice for anyone who wants to heal into a new relationship with oneself.
I think I would be a wiser person, more compassionate towards myself and my loved ones.
Thank you for the clear words and structur! Very helpful!
I would feel lighter. But the situations that affect me I have long tried to find compassion and understanding of my own as well as the others involved. But my boundaries are continually crossed. So I might have to opt for maintaining my armour and keep a healthy distance.
Your example of a dog with its leg in a trap was very helpful. It allowed me to feel compassion for someone who had hurt me. I will use that technique going forward Thank you🙏🏼
The U turn gave me a chance to really sit with the hurt part of myself and not feel attached to where it originated or who created it and/or the “story”. Who would I be if I let go of self judgment and blame? I think I would be liberated and much more joyful.
Hopeful, better grounded. Open to using new skills.
I would be more confident and be able to interact with others without anxiety and fear of judgment
This resonates perfectly with me in the moment and confirms how seeing my being caught in hurt, resentment and blame puts me an unhealthy looping cycle. By letting go and making the U turn with acceptance, compassion and forgiveness, I am able to heal myself and experience forgiveness and compassion towards to other, who’s leg is in a trap. Thank you Tara for this wisdom.
The u turn practice as given me real hope that I can face the stuck place I am in a particular long term relationship. Thank you
I have a particular gift for listening closely and connecting with others. At present I am wasting a lot of precious time by remaining locked in a frustrating and stagnant relationship.