If you’ve ever experienced it first hand, you might agree that heartbreak can often feel worse than the pain of physical injury or illness.
Not only that, but the recovery period can often seem twice as long.
But according to Helen Fisher, PhD, the way we feel in the aftermath of a breakup may have a lot to do with our brain chemistry . . .
. . . and in the video clip below, she walks us through a few simple ways that we can pump up the “feel-good” chemicals in our brain, and find relief from the painful emotions that often accompany rejection or heartbreak.
Check it out, it’s just 4 minutes long
Now, we need to be careful about our conclusions. While generally men behave differently than women, not all men behave alike, and not all women behave alike. Generalizations, while often true, don’t apply in all cases.
Finding happiness after heartbreak isn’t easy – but there are practical strategies that can help us rewire the brain to move past the sting of rejection.
Click here for information on our Practical Brain Science course.
What strategies have you used to move on after rejection? Please share your experience in the comment section below.
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robinson.buckler @ yahoo. com…… restored my relationship, my boyfriend came back to me, i took him back and I am now settled with my him….
After a time of saying goodbye to a past attachment, then its time to say hello to the next chapter and many things can be helpful to make that transition. I love audiobooks, and finished ‘Down and Out in Paris and London’, and couldn’t make a switch to another book. So, I said to myself, I don’t have to commit to a new story yet, I can listen to a few and check them out.
BTW this is interesting in terms of knowing that our perceptions are mirrored in our brain. This is on music.
Not sure that I agree with this approach. Rejection is a wounding. If we look at the animal world they can teach us a lot. They retreat to a safe place and lick their wounds…taking time to heal.They do not rush out looking for some new experience to distract them.They need to settle, to integrate and use the restorative powers of resting.The anthropomorphising of the brain is a little disturbing in this clip.
I am not sure whether your example of animals retreating to safe place is relevant to this discussion. It is true that animals suffering from physical trauma retreat to a safe place in order to get out of Fight or Flight (sympathetic dominance – Survival mode) and into the Relaxation Response (parasympathetic dominance – Healing and Repair mode) which is equally relevant to humans suffering from physical ailments. However when it comes to psychological trauma activity can be very healing …eg exercise stimulates the release of endorphines which elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Lack of activity can actually be a cause of depression. Anything that increases dopamine levels must be good.
A theory of not much use if you’re disabled from spinal injuries.
Hi Kikii would like to find out more about this coaching prrmgamoe. I am starting my own business and need to overcome the fear of rejection but most importantly i need to learn strategies of developing a successful coaching and motivational speaking business. Please help
It’s fascinating what the BRAIN reacts to and how it handles the information in so many different levels of our individualized consciousness/ unconsciousness.
Even though I kicked out my ex for his abuse — he ex molested my daughter, was extremely emotionally, verbally, physically and financially abusive to us — it has been hard to let go. (Traumatic Bonding, eurphoric recall…) Here’s what’s helping:
Making a BUSINESS of my mental health — learning & practicing skills
Recovery International – free self-help groups
DBT & yoga & prayer (mindfully handling rumination)
controlling impulses to connect with him, drive by… went to SLAA, sex love addicts anynoymous mtgs.)
patience with the process,
WORKING on forgiving myself and others
educating myself
establishing and working on short & long range goals
Zev Wanderer’s book “Letting Go: 12 week program” cbt based
I send a prayer and blessing to those who are also struggling with this issue my encouragement. There is hope if you take the steps to chose happiness rather than self-torture, suffering and punishment. But you can’t skip steps, don’t be afraid of feeling the grief and pain, just don’t let yourself wallow in it either. Happiness, freedom can coexist despite pain — life isn’t free of pain.
My rejection is from my Daughter
It has been 7 years now
I am not able to see, talk, or call her
I not able to see my 2 Grandchildren
I am bipolar
I am sickened and saddened
She has turned the children against me
Saying I am Crazy
What are your suggestions for a broken heart?
Have you gone to a therapist who understands Bipolar and if so would your daughter be willing to go into therapy with you. Have you tried Bipolar support groups. I believe that Bipolar and other brain deficiencies can also be looked at as a brain injury. There is the physical brain injury and the emotional brain injury.
Many artists know the experience of rejection very well. Often, like me, these people are passionate individuals who give themselves heart, mind, and soul to their art work. I made beautiful dances and theater work, throwing myself into a project with everything I had. Then, so often, my culture treated that dedication as ridiculous, not supporting me and many times outright rejecting me as I was judged by the media and the public simply ignored my work. Because the art world operates on the organizational models that dominate our culture, most artists find themselves in fierce competition with one another as they each battle for just a tiny bit of a few resources only to be rejected again and again. This takes its toll on artists’ full mind/body. Most dancers implode by age 35 or 40. They just can’t go on, not because they can’t perform the movement but because the constant rejectiion is literally killing them. It creates illness and destroys personalities. Once passionate souls often walk away from their medium apathetic and cynical. Rejection in this culture is rampant, but for the artist, it is downright destructive.
Hello,
I’m giving emotional coaching to vulnerable, rejected, abandoned, neglected, traumatized and abused children. They express their feelings on the physical level through behavioral ‘disruptions’.
I would be interested to hear more about how children process rejection on the mental and psychological level.
Thank you for dedicating time to this important subject.
I’ve been giving emotional coaching to vulnerable, rejected, neglected, abused, and traumatized children and adolescents for the past year and a half.
I’m interested to hear more about how children’s brains process rejection. I know that rejection leads to disrupted behavioral expression, but that is on the physical level. What about the mental and psychological ‘disruptions’ at that age?
I would like to here more practical day to day information about brain change and cellular biology. I have a serious chronic illness that affects my bone marrow and blood ( the culture medium).
Also, the short rejection blurb only seems to focus on romantic heartbreak. There are many other heartbreaking losses in life.
Being “Mindfully” positive (and consistently clearing “negative” thoughts, feelings and beliefs) and also learning to (im)plant (while avoiding “rejection”) new ways of being “in LOVE” in & with our lives…
is the best way I know of dealing with similar challenges. The real lesson in all this “new age of neuro-plasticity and epi-genetics” is that our biological systems are infinitely responsive to heart AND mind!
Science is merely beginning to validate what has always been true… a “Culture” is that which is and enhances “Elan Vital” (life force) through literature, music, dance… family, relationships and LOVE!
Just as the “diet” answer is native, natural, whole foods – not refined, processed or chemical replacements… wholeness, balance & optimal being come through making peace in our bodies.
Find an open-minded Physician and Therapist you connect with and trust on your healing journey. Trust the therapies that “resonate” with you and also do whatever “makes your heart sing” Diane!
Really appreciate the Integral nature of your reply; including the corollary between “diet” and “life.” The more we connect with our own internal Oneness, the less we seek it outside of ourselves, especially in others.
Our society/culture has so emphasized our “aloneness,” and the desperate need to find our “soulmate” and all the other Disney-like Prince and Princess mythology, that we seek the Fast Food of dating/relationships, and come away just as unsatisfied.
When we recognize our basic nature being made of Love, seeking it becomes irrelevant, and we shift to swimming in it like oxygen in blood. We can generate our own positive biochemistry, and then when we do connect with another, it’s icing on the cake fantastic, rather than desperate need.
Well said! However not so easy to do that, be in that frame of mind consistently. Night time is probably the worst time of the day ( unless I’m reading). Leaving alone is the pits!
Totally resonate with the above!
Thank you.
Heart Radiance xox:)
Hi. I first want to share my deep appreciation for the Brain Science Webinar. For the upcoming ‘The Brain in Love” can you also touch on an infant’s relationship with its mother as the basis for love.
For instance I was taken away from my mother at about 2 years of age. My mother was having a nervous breakdown. I was dropped off at an orphanage on her way to the hospital. In short, I know that the ‘rejection’ was traumatic and is at the core of the formation of my brain. I learned about this event, from my mother, in my late teens. She explained that when she came to get me from the orphanage, she did not recognize me.
¨PS. I am now in a love story that has so far spanned 37 years!
Thanks for spending time on the computer (wtiring) so others don’t have to.