Working With Your Client’s Traumatic Memories
with Bessel van der Kolk, MD
and Ruth Buczynski, PhD
Sometimes we remember what seem like the smallest, most insignificant details of our lives – an 8th grade locker combination, a story heard at a party years ago, or all the lines from a favorite movie.
These memories – full of facts, words, and events – are explicit memories.
But there are different kinds of memories – ones that are evoked by sights, sounds, or even smells.
For example, the smell of coffee percolating atop a gas stove could bring back Sunday afternoons around the table with beloved grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
On the other hand, being surprised by the scent of a particular aftershave, for instance, could elicit feelings of fear, panic, or even terror.
A person who was traumatized as a child might re-experience the all-too-familiar sensations of quivering in fear or breaking out in a cold sweat.
And it may have very little to do with the verbal thought process of, “Oh, this reminds me of the incident of my father hitting me.”
Traumatic memory is formed and stored very differently than everyday memory.
So let’s take a closer look at what happens when a person experiences trauma.
What Happens When the Brain Can’t Process Trauma
Dr. Van der Kolk: If a person was abused as a child, the brain can become wired to believe, “I’m a person to whom terrible things happen, and I better be on the alert for who’s going to hurt me now.”
Those are conscious thoughts that become stored in a very elementary part of the brain.
But what happens to adults when they become traumatized by something terrible they’ve experienced?
Simply put, the brain becomes overwhelmed. That’s because the thalamus shuts down and the entire picture of what happened can’t be stored in their brain.
So instead of forming specific memories of the full event, people who have been traumatized remember images, sights, sounds, and physical sensations without much context.
And certain sensations just become triggers of the past.
You see, the brain continually forms maps of the world – maps of what is safe and what is dangerous.
That’s how the brain becomes wired. People carry an internal map of who they are in relationship to the world. That becomes their memory system, but it’s not a known memory system like that of verbal memories.
It’s an implicit memory system.
What that means is that a particular traumatic incident may not be remembered as a story of something that’s happened a long time ago. Instead, it gets triggered by sensations that people are experiencing in the present that can activate their emotional states.
It’s a much more elementary, organic level of a single sensation triggering the state of fear.
A person might keep thinking about the sensation and say, “Oh, this must be because it reminds me of the time that my father hit me.”
But that’s not the connection that the mind makes at that particular time.
How the Lack of Context Impacts Treatment
So what difference will it make in our work, knowing that a traumatic memory was encoded without context?
It’s important to recognize that PTSD, or the experience of trauma is not about the past. It’s about a body that continues to behave and organize itself as if the experience is happening right now.
When we’re working with people who have been traumatized, it’s crucial to help them learn how to field the present as it is and to tolerate whatever goes on. The past is only relevant in as far as it stirs up current sensations, feelings, emotions and thoughts.
The story about the past is just a story that people tell to explain how bad the trauma was, or why they have certain behaviors.
But the real issue is that trauma changes people. They feel different and experience certain sensations differently.
That’s why the main focus of therapy needs to be helping people shift their internal experience or, in other words, how the trauma is lodged inside them.
How Talking Can Distract a Client from Feeling
Now, in helping people learn to stay with their sensations, we need to resist the temptation to ask them to talk about their experience and what they’re aware of.
This is because talking can convey a defense against feeling.
Through the use of brain imagery, we’ve learned that when people are feeling something very deeply, one particular area of the brain lights up.
And we’ve seen other images taken when people are beginning to talk about their trauma and, when they do, another part of the brain lights up.
So talking can be a distraction from helping patients notice what is going on within themselves.
And that’s why some of the best therapy is very largely non-verbal, where the main task of the therapist is to help people to feel what they feel - to notice what they notice, to see how things flow within themselves, and to reestablish their sense of time inside.
Why Restoring the Sense of Time Can Make Emotions More Bearable
All too often, when people feel traumatized, their bodies can feel like they’re under threat even if it’s a beautiful day and they’re in no particular danger.
So our task becomes helping people to feel those feelings of threat, and to just notice how the feelings go away as time goes on.
The body never stays the same because the body is always in a state of flux.
It’s important to help a patient learn that, when a sensation comes up, it’s okay to have it because something else will come next.
This is one way we can help patients re-establish this sense of time which gets destroyed by the trauma.
Sensations and emotions become intolerable for clients because they think, “This will never come to an end.”
But once a patient knows that something will come to an end, their whole attitude changes.
Now we'd like to hear from you. How will you use these ideas on traumatic memory in your work with your patients?
Please leave a comment below.
Audrey Clark, Other, GB says
It’s the ugly monster that rears its head, often. Some days you feel you’ve whooped the beast and other days it beats you. Mine has been there since I was 7.
Georgina Lambourne, Other, GB says
I m in truma and its not fun mentally
Trying to refind me and suicidal
Trying to get the mental help when only you know somethings so wrong .I m .not functioning and i know it .i ve had so much happen i m losing me .i don t laugh i see things differently
I take pills .but its the mind .not the pills i need help with
Debbie Simpson, Teacher, GB says
I am someone who has experienced trauma several times. Time has stood still for me and I had not been living in the moment. Life just happened I didnt make conscious decisions. This article relates fully to that experience. If I can be of any assistance to research I would be very interested. I have healed myself by letting this stage in my life pass my brain has developed its own path. Many thanks for the article
Jo Wyatt, Another Field, AU says
I work with young people in care and they all have challenging behaviour. if you are saying that you shouldn’t get them to talk about their past trauma, how do you get them to inderstand that their emotions and behaviours are related to the trauma?
Alexis Williamson, Coach, GB says
I`m not Doctor or Psychiatrist but if you don`t mind I`d like to leave a little note …I am somewhat traumatized since being on Life Support back in February this year ..It was for four days …I wonder could a person suffer PTSD from that experience ? I feel that I do. Alexis.
Cheri W, Counseling, Bethlehem , CT, USA says
Hi Alexis. I’m not a dr or counselor myself, but I wanted to let you know that you most definitely can have PTSD from your situation you experienced.
Actually, trauma is defined as any emotional wound or shock. Who’s to say what might affect one person more considerably than another? Therefore most trauma is oftentimes a very personal experience that one person went through that affected them negatively to where their flight or fight system comes into play.
In your sense, I feel like perhaps the thought of being completely unaware of life, what was said to you, what happened beforehand, what happened after, how were you treated when family or friends were not around- you’re feeling a profound sense of losing control. Nobody does, but yours is to the extreme. You can also fear the ‘what ifs’- what if you were there longer, what if you didn’t wake up? How did your loved ones feel? You can also fear this happening again.
So I’d say yes, definitely PTSD.
J Hallett, Another Field, GB says
I am someone that has suffered trauma and have noticeably been affected by the misconception of time. I didn’t realise that it was an effect of trauma. Just knowing that is reassuring
Ritual-Rose Glasgow, Other, GB says
I am of the opinion that discussing a period of trauma is vital for the recovery of PTSD symptoms in a patient. I am saying this from an educational point of view as well as from slant of an individual who has experienced a natural period of recovery from full blown PTSD: I have insight into how my recovery came about and talking played its part. I am also a qualified drama workshop leader, if we are to go by the teachings of Stanislavsky the drama instructor and writer, then we can see that the physical act of talking is a natural stress release. As for another area of the brain lighting up after talking, there is not detail as to which parts are lighting up in this article, but could it not be that the disrupted pathways in the patients brain are realigning themselves to create new and improved pathways? As opposed to this brain activity being a detrimental sign?
Carmen Wells, Student, AU says
The brain will find its own way round the trauma often locking it away for a stronger day. I think we all have our unique processing kits for memory words and pictures. Coping strategies learned as an adult won’t help the child locked safely away in our innermost being this child has been countless times and recognises the scoundrel in every wounded day. Believe it is absolutely vital to counter the damage done to arcadian rhythm. Convalescence camraderie freedom from responsibility rest good food
It’s vital to reverse the winding up a tortured human has done it its existence. Dance clap sing vibrate stamp feet laugh and don’t hunt the memory it becomes s scramble. Fill yourself up with breath and love even if you have to loan some from a comrade. Eventually if you don’t give up belief in yourself to handle the wound with love humility and understanding. Our spirit doesn’t get feelings in alphabetical or chronological order our ego doles them out according to frequency we vibrate. So if recovering from traumatic memory go rest by seaside sit in sun or in prayer and service in a number. Stay far from the abusers the abuse. But walk through the memory in your time. Your body will demand your attention if you ignore or try to bury it. Often if we small we couldn’t speak or understand the words. If we squeezed our eyes closed we can’t see clearly. Be brave be loved open your eyes no matter how it burns. Stand in knowing if it’s a memory you survived that shit. It will get better and ya can retrain ya brain to be unhurt unhumiliated unashamed. If you got outside today 3 cheers if you got out a bed DUCKING LEGEND
Debra Mowat, Other, NZ says
I struggle a lot with depression and feel very stuck in the same circle which has lead me to a unhealthy life as a addict my safety guard has been my brain blocks the memories completely but when hurt by another person leaves me triggered and reaching for drugs to numb my pain I often feel stupid because I don’t remember things like other people do especially when they are saying remember and I just can’t so I lie and pretend I remember I’m presently trying my best to be in recovery and to stop using drugs but as soon as I’m hurt by someone’s words or actions I’m turning straight back to the 1 thing I know stops the pain and unwanted thoughts that I’m undeserving of anything good in life I know I’m a good person and would help others before myself yet can’t work out why it is so hard for me to give up drugs and claim my life back and live the life I want to be living how do I work through all the hurt and pain I have blacked out and tucked aways so deep I can’t reach it I feel trapped in my own body my mind knows what it wants yet for some reason wanting something so bad and doing it is like a never ending circle I’m not prepared to give up on myself and the determination is in my yet the struggle is so real I can’t work out what is keeping me so tied to drugs when all I want is to be drug free for my family the family I am so lucky to still have supporting me like I said I know I’m a good person yet I keep going back to self hate and the thought of not being able to get by with out drugs I’m not a silly women I know all the tools I have the knowledge in me yet why can’t I access it I’m trying to help myself yet failing messerably I used to be able to push my stuff aside and distract the issues in my life by diving into someone else problems and helping them now I can’t even do that I don’t have it in me to help others like I use to it becomes to much for me and I have to apologize and remove myself even to many people in a room at once is overwhelming for me or people being loud or loud music I find I can’t stay present in myself for long if conversations go on for to long I just fade away and loose all focus or more often than not these days end up telling people the information they are giving me has got to the stage I can’t comprehend anymore and need time to myself to do something else to calm myself down I don’t know who to turn to that understands what it is I’m going through or can explain why this is happening so more often than not when I hit the point of everything being to much I turn back to drugs I want to be healthy again as I have the love in me to share with so many other people and want to help people who like myself feel lost and alone and uncertain if this is going to be me for the rest of my life I’m determined to continue the daily fight to becoming a healthy person with a healthy mind I’m seeking guidance and wisdom from other people who have had similar struggles to mine and have come out the other side I guess hope that there is help out there and I’m not alone and my thoughts that society has become selfish and ugly isn’t all true more that the ugly drug scene I’m stuck in is the reasons I feel this way about the world at large there has to be a ray of light a person who gets it and has known such pain and can give without wanting just like I want to be able to do if it can start with one person and become a chain reaction then as a community there will start to be seen results less suicides less bullying less selfishness people helping people our elderly getting the respect and help they deserve our young families being kept together and receiving help not having children taken because of the lack of help and understanding because life is a struggle young mums giving up their kids cos they have no support and someone saying it’s only human to have a bad day or be told we have all yelled at our kids at least once it’s how we deal with it after the fact that matters the amount of mums I personally know who don’t have their kids because they asked cyfs for help and honestly opened up saying they need help they are depressed and struggling only to have their kids taken so then what happens mums don’t ask for help for fear they will loose their kids and terrible things happen where is the justice in that so much for working to keep families together it’s a crock of shit and once those kids get taken the mothers world’s fall apart and they believe they don’t deserve their kids and loose the strength to fight cos 9 times out of ten a picture of the mother is painting and they start to believe it themselves yet if someone had just said hey you are not alone a lot of parents struggle but we are here to help and can provide some extra care a couple of hours a week and a person who has been in your position yet raised their kids and are now adults doing well for themselves come a long and help give guidance and strategies on dealing with behavioural children or more than one child things like this families would benefit from not having children taken that is more traumatizing for a child than having mum or dad raise their voices and let’s face some facts the amount of children interfered with when in care care that a government agency has placed them in well the numbers just keep rising and a lot of the times these poor parents who only needed help due to depression or just being tired now have to live with the fact their babies got hurt or neglected because they asked for help when will this madness stop what is it going to take for people to start standing together for what is right and start supporting each other again and reaching out when you see someone struggling instead of judging or saying it’s not my business turn a blind eye sorry my comment has lost its way there is just a lot going on for me and I guess it helps to write things down I hope there is help out there not just for me also for people like me life isn’t getting any easier and people are becoming more distant from each other and what’s going on around as each day passes I have to try and hold on to hope
Mel L, Student, Shakopee , MN, USA says
Please keep holding on to that hope ❤️
Taylor H, Nursing, Fremont , NH, USA says
Any amount of hope, no matter how small, can make all the difference. I too, used a substance to self medicate and “heal”. I started taking hydrocodone off and on starting when I was just 13 related to endometriosis. I had about a dozen surgeries, almost half related to my endometriosis, which included a hysterectomy when I was just 25, along with 3 surgeries to remove kidney stones that became lodged (I’ve had 16 kidney stones to date-most I was able to pass on my own and was on pain meds for an entire year with no breaks) then I had an appendectomy and a cholecystectomy. All of which I took opioids for. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that I LOVED the way the pills made me feel. I was able to experience euphoria, I could bury my past and be numb to it. It worked in the moment, but when the pills started to wear off, I’d have a hard crash back into reality. My solution to this was taking more and more pills. Before I knew it, I was a full blown addict buying pills from anyone I could bc my prescriptions weren’t matching my cravings. I tried so many times to quit on my own, but the physical and mental symptoms were too much to handle. The longest I ever went cold turkey was 7 days. I was 27 and as a registered nurse, I knew if I didn’t get help that I wouldn’t just destroy my career, but may not live to see 30 and that would completely destroy my family. I reached out to my husband one day at 2am while he was out of state for work and he listened for hours as I poured out what I had been holding in and has been my champion, along with our 4 kids in my recovery. I’ve been clean over 2.5 years. It was NOT easy, it still isn’t easy. I chose medication assisted therapy, which has become the gold standard for opioid abuse recovery. It helps by keeping the physical symptoms at bay while I focus on the mental and emotional aspects that led me to become an addict in the first place. Opioids can actually destroy and wear down neural pathways and connections related to pain and pleasure. I chose methadone as it has been noted to be easier to get off of than suboxone and it has been noted to help your brain actually repair what opioid abuse destroyed. It takes a long time, but in the last 5-6 months I’ve been able to feel amounts of joy I didn’t think were possible for me. I thought that I would NEVER feel happy again without the pills. Thank God I was wrong. Methadone gets a bad rep bc there are a lot of people that don’t get off of it, but there’s also a lot of people who are able to recover and taper off of it. But at the end of the day, those who can’t get off of it and have 20 years under their belt have also not used heroin or pills in those 20 years, so it’s different for everybody. I was raped at 13, my rapists’ mom walked in on her sons forearm pressed against my neck and face and his other arm pushing my right arm down, tears streaming down my red face and she said it was consensual. As she drove me home, with him in the car, she was calling me a slut and shaming me for “manipulating” her son into having sex. I couldn’t believe it. When she walked in, I was relived, I just knew she would help me. Instead, she failed me. He got a slap on the wrist and went on to reoffend. He was let out of prison early for that offense, and his probation would’ve been over this past August, but he was put back in jail for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon against a disabled individual. I have checked every year to make sure he registers as a sex offender, which he didn’t have to do when he raped me. Being raped was horrible enough, and then when I was 19 I went to a club with my friends (I had never been to a club before) and since we were under 21, we did shots before we left. I started feeling very disoriented and my phone had died so I walked to a gas station a half mile away and called a male friend of mine who lived nearby. He came and “rescued” me. I used his phone to text my other friends whom I had gotten separated from to let them know where I was and they replied that they would meet me at his house. I went to take off my 6 inch heels and lay on the couch, and he stands over me, takes my pants and panties off and starts assaulting me while I’m starting to go unconscious. It was incredibly hard to speak and move, I saw his pants come off and started to cry and beg him to stop. I pleaded so much that he finally stopped. He didn’t rape me, I was so grateful he felt bad enough to stop, but it was still very traumatic. We had a platonic relationship for a long time and I never expected him to do that. He left me there half naked on his couch and it took me forever to gain the strength to go to his roommates room and lock the door. I knew I was about to pass out and I knew at that point he would rape me once I did. When my friends got there he was trying to get into the room I was in and he told them it was bc I was very sick and he wanted to check on me. When I was in my friends car I told her everything. She questioned him the next day and denied it all. Most people blamed me for getting drunk, which by the way was the first and LAST time I ever got drunk. I was devastated, just bc I made the mistake to drink underage in excess, doesn’t mean that gave anyone the right to rape me. But I started to blame myself too, just as I blamed myself for my first assault, I kept saying I should’ve fought harder. I know now that’s not true, but for over a decade it haunted me. It still does, but I am getting better at dealing with it. I wanted to share my story with you in hopes that it will give you some hope for your future and to know that it’s NEVER too late to ask for help, get sober and get better. There’s no timeline on it, take your time with your recovery and know that getting help is not weak, it takes a strong, humble person to ask for help to change their life. I don’t know you personally, but it sounds like you truly want to get sober and learn how to overcome your past and how to deal with the emotions involved. Just know that no matter where you are, you’ve got a person right here on your side, rooting for you. It’s ok to want to give up, as long as you don’t actually do it. We are only human. I wish you luck and happiness, take it from me, it is possible!
Tiff Tillery, Another Field, 49095, MI, USA says
You put my feelings into words and hope in my mind. I say mind because I need to believe their are alot more people who can relate to your statement and understand in this day and age things are not as “simple” as they used to be. Thank you for offering a solution that was so simple but because i am so negative in my way of thinking , couldnt see the answer. I too am sorry for the lengthy explanation of my words. I get so lost in “theory” thoughts i just continuously have more questions. And seem to get lost or confused way more often than i have time for. I need help with my kids and dont ask because i feel they are too overwhelming for another person. But a few hrs of alone time each week without worrying if my kids are ok would be helpful or feeling as though i have to rush around to accomplish daily tasks. I cant even thank you enough for sharing your thoughts.
Martha Kennedy, Another Field, REDDING, CA, USA says
My other half had a motorcycle accident May 11 this year and we are dealing with no filter to hostile from child abuse to no social acceptance. His list goes on and on. In therapy they are working with head phones seeing where different parts of the brain is used when things are triggered. I saw your article and I am sending to him and maybe this will trigger something good…there is an end to this. Thank you
Colleen Igo, Nursing, Downingtown, PA, USA says
Wat do I do with the image of my 14 yr. Old son hanging in our garage…..I have tried all kinds of meds, processing therapy, exposure therapy, and still I’m suffering lonely lost waiting and hoping to die.. i am 53 yr. Old woman alone disabled veteran due to sexual trauma during my service and list of physical problems from working on our naval jets… can someone please find help me please……
J, Other, GB says
If you’ve made it this far after the heartbreakingly tough ordeals such as yours, you are a very strong individual indeed.
I have had many forms of counselling, art therapy was good but music therapy was by far the most powerful I’ve come across. It works brilliantly but be prepared, – it’s tough. Good luck
Puti Snowden, Counseling, NZ says
I am interested in learning more about therapeutic ways to deal with trauma and the brain
Sara G, Counseling, CA says
I wasn’t aware of how talking can distract a client from feeling, this is a profound insight for me. I plan to provide clients with some information on explicit vs implicit memories, and how trauma is stored in the body. I will talk less and be in the moment more, supporting my clients to feel and tolerate their bodily sensations and notice how they shift and change in real time.
Lorraine Lynch, Another Field, AU says
You would still recommend a deep breathing technique when feeling anxious or enduring a anic attack though?
Sandy Harl, Nursing, Abingdon , VA, USA says
This is so true….I’ve used this technique many times
Nobody Person, Another Field, NL says
Thank you! I’m finally learning to understand and slowly heal myself with the help of your book & some very good friends. My road to a better life started last year when I turned 50, while I’ve been seeking help for the last 30 years. Regular mental health care just did not help.
They were as frustrated with me as I with them probably, because I did not want to take their magic pills. It’s been a hard year where I have had to face many scary challenges, and let go of a lot. But bit by bit I’m finding me and am able to let someone come close to me.
Life starts at 50.
Thank you!
Karen Bouachour, Student, CA says
I am 61 on October 7th. Maybe I am a slow learner! All the best to you. Maybe my time in the sun is finally coming.
laurie hitt, Another Field, spokane, WA, USA says
the dr here makes alot of since. .i am working on my ptsd but i am still struggling as he stated there are allways trigers that send me in a spiral. i just want to live a better life with out constant worry and fear
Paul Wilson, Teacher, Fishers, IN, USA says
Dr van der Kolk, thank you for your continual work with trauma patients and your contribution to the field. Your studies and scholarship played heavily into my own dissertation on theatrical portrayals of community trauma. Your work expanded my understanding of both my own experience and of those communities that have worked to reconstruct their collective stories. As a teacher, your work has helped my students understand both memory in general and their own struggles in particular. Anyway, I just wanted to send my thanks along.
Kind regards,
Dr. Paul Wilson
Co-Founder, True Names Initiative for Drama Therapy and Social Action
marn aesch, Chiropractor, CA says
i am a 70 yr old woman to whom bad things happened as a child including sexual abuse by an older brother, bullying and physical violence at home as well as at school and in the broader community. Also random events such as being run over by a car and another time, hit by a car. My life has been very difficult and from time to time i’ve sought out help and counselling including 2 futile years with a psychiatrist. Six months ago a massage therapist offered to do energy healing work with me and since then i have met with her once a week. It has been, still is, rough and much of the time i feel sad, angry and confused but i am also aware of a gradual awakening process happening at an energetic level. Two years ago my daughter persuaded me to attend an ayahuasca ceremony with her and i found that to be an amazing kick-start to this journey that i am on.
ps. i am not a health professional but then had to choose a profession in order to post, so for this purpose alone i am a chiropractor.
Christina Maher, Nursing, GB says
PTSD is not allways cursed through abuse I have it because am have bad trauma trying to get over a bowl cancer operation an it has realy effected my brain for a year now my mind is in trauma all the time I carnt seem to get better
Sufa Leyo, Counseling, DK says
This is slightly frustrating: there are a lot of great theoretical insights in this post but then only a few vague lines about implementing it. You define the whole problem:
1) Talking often distracts people from feeling
2) Feelings feel awful
3) The awfulness seems like it’s never going to end.
Literally the only practical advice in this entire article is, “it’s okay to have it because something else will come next.” I’m sorry, but there are a few steps missing here, such as finding the real emotional core in the first place, creating enough space for the client to stay in it, letting the client know that they won’t feel overwhelmed by the emotion, allowing the emotion to pass, coping with the horrifying feelings that do come up, no matter how intense they are.
A good therapist tries to do all of those things anyway, but — as you know — the steps above get in the way. Sessions have time limits: someone might just be getting to an important place only to have the session end. In the case of CPTSD it might take weeks, if not months, to find that same core again because there are so many other issues which come up. Sufferers of CPTSD might have hundreds, if not thousands, of deep-seated triggers which are causing a constant state of hyperarousal. They’ll feel like their survival depends on NOT staying with those feelings. I see nothing in this article which genuinely explains how to re-establish a sense of time other than just as a byproduct of typical Gestalt.
Cindy Swa, Other, Crystal Lake , IL, USA says
Thank you for your insight. I have Complex PTSD and work with a cognitive trauma therapist. Learning that the abuse I endured beginning as an infant and continuing into adulthood has taught me to address many of my traumatic events. I know understand that what happened to me was nothing I deserved is crucial in order to move forward. There will always be triggers, but I am learning to cope. This article doesn’t address coping skills or living life successfully with C-PTSD.
samantha morgan, Psychotherapy, GB says
I go through this every day I feel as if I’m more of a burden to people especially my family I go round in a never ending sircle I’ve just hot a theropest but I just feel I live a direct life all the time I was taking away for 2 weeks when I was a little girl l and have put my self through so much more now, I have 2 beautiful children I’m fed up of being this way
samantha morgan, Psychotherapy, GB says
I go through this every day I feel as if I’m more of a burden to people especially my family I go round in a never ending sircle I’ve just hot a theropest but I just feel I live a direct life all the time I was taking away for free 2 weeks when I was a little girl and have put my self through so much more now I have 2 beautiful children I’m fed up of being this way
Daniel Lyons, Another Field, AU says
I’m not a physician. I’m an interstate B-double driver from Australia, and I have PTSD. How do I get in contact with a Trauma Counsellor here in Australia? Any advice would be greatly accepted. Keep the good work going, you guys keep guys like me going.
Jami, Other, Kettle Falls, WA, USA says
I will use these ideas to be a better listener and to asknbetternwuestiins to help others get through horrific memories in a way that will hopefully be more productive to help them learn to move past it and know that it will Come to an end soon
Russell Cunningham, Another Field, AU says
I use EFT, NLP and Alpha RePatterning with my trauma clients. I have observed clients avoiding the emotions by talking about the event and judging the event and the individuals involved. As you noted this puts them in their head and, interferes with their ability to access the emotions and the feelings in their body which, makes any therapy slower or less effective.
Kristen Witherspoon, Coach, St. Louis, MO, USA says
“It’s important to help a patient learn that, when a sensation comes up, it’s okay to have it because something else will come next.” I think this is KEY here. Putting into the conscious mind that while the feeling might make you subconsciously think or feel that that traumatic feeling will never end and so you must avoid it, you can practice knowing that it will so that when that traumatic feeling comes up again you can step into it and know that something different will come next, helping you heal and gradually dissolve the trauma.
Kristen Witherspoo, Coach, St. Louis, MO, USA says
And not only this, but also helping you to own the experience, making one feeling empowered and in control, which is very important in healing PTSD.
Louise Sumrell, Other, Greenville, NC, USA says
I was writing, on Medium, about a particular episode with my ex, Darryl. I had to stop, repeatedly, to cry and let it go through me, gather my strength, and continue.
I’m nine days away from one year sober, after 45 years drinking. I’m in recovery, progressing slowly, but surely, with the help of my sisters in the fellowship and my sponsor.
????
Donna Whitney, Clergy, Nashville, TN, USA says
Very beautifully stated.
Sonya Hilton, Other, GB says
I’m a energy healer and had done a lot of work on my past but was still being triggered especially after having my child where it became harder to manage my own emotions/triggers while managing my childs energy and especially because my child is autistic and has other varying needs. I’ve recently had EMDR Therapy to help me release these triggers from my traumatic childhood and also for more recent stuff when my son stopped breathing on me at home when he was three days old. It’s been wonderful and has released a lot of emotional related to those traumas. I’m starting to feel free of them now and felt a sadness lifted which was numbed many years prior to having my using drugs and alcohol. Now these things no longer plague me and I’m grateful to have found such a wonderful therapy. I feel I’m now ready to work on my healing business with clarity as I’m no longer blocked from the trauma.
Monica D****, Other, La Junta, CO, USA says
I’m not a mental health specialist, but this article helps me to understand my husband, who often has fear in his eyes, and who approaches so much of his life with sky-high levels of anxiety. He’s a brave man who struggles with the fear in his mind, while faithfully getting things done that need tending to. He was abused and neglected as a child, and he had to protect his sisters from harm on a daily basis. Thank you for helping me to understand why he suffers so much. I wish I knew what to do to help him break free of this. Sincerely, Monica D.
Elizabeth Walker, Other, Sierra Vista, AZ, USA says
Exactly! The trauma is encoded without context! Beautifully said! I have suffered with PTSD for 21 years. I still get triggered, but through experience, and the help of a counselor, have discovered that talking things out puts me at ease much quicker than anything else. And understanding why I have these triggers helps tremendously after so many years. Thank you, I would like to learn more.
Erica Mercer, Other, Mount Washington, KY, USA says
I could really use some PTSD therapy. I feel like my life came to an abrupt halt approximately 2 years ago. 2 years ago I was happy, healthy, on top of the world. I had always had a great career, but I had just landed a position that was conveted by many in my area. I was in love, finances were mostly smooth. Then within an instant it all came crashing in on me. Certain words, certain names, certain smells, certain actions and inactions, etc. Cause my entire demeanor to change. I can go from bubbly to bawling with one word. I can feel secure to overwhelmingly anxious, chest tight, and feeling paranoid within seconds of certain actions or inactions with the people involved. I was suicidal, but with the help of a complete stranger who was sent to me at exactly the right time, I was able to pull myself from the depths and laugh and smile here and there, whereas previous to this one beautiful phone call I had did nothing but cry a several times a day, for 15-20 minutes maybe more at a time. I’d try to hide it from the kids, but as soon as they’d leave the room the tears would crash around me. I lost my job, a job that I loved because I couldn’t force myself to smile most of the time, and began having trouble making it on time… I was so depressed I didn’t want to leave my room, and it became increasingly difficult to get myself ready in the mornings. I cried myself to sleep every night – I still do at times. My life is a mess because of this trauma, and I grew up in a horrible situation, but that didn’t effect me nearly as much as this adult trauma has. I have dealt with some incredibly bad boyfriend’s and sometimes unimaginable situations within those relationships, and come out on the other side without a scar. Not this time, this time I was defeated! I’ve become incompacitated.
Mariel Hernandez, Psychology, PR says
It happened the same to me after my divorce. I managed to keep going in life before but I became incapacitated too when this happened. I think it brought to the surface all past traumas not treated. So, that’s my theory. Tomorrow, I am going to vocational rehabilitation to see what aid is there for me to get back to be productive. I was on my last doctorate year and got depressed for two years.
Kari DeLeon, Other, Bakersfield, CA, USA says
This is a reply for Erica Mercer I am reaching out to you because I have been victim of trauma as a child and adult. I will keep you in prayer. I am NOT a preacher, physican, or counselor but am a female who has experienced much trauma in my life and especially the last 9 years. I know that Gods love and peace surpass ALL HUMAN UNDERSTANDIK MG!!!
Do NOT get me wrong my relationship with God is unlike anything I’ve ever heard of, I give him honor,glory,and awe but also I maintain a relationship with Him that allows me to communiczte & express myself. Let me give you an example for 10 years I was married and my husband &I were in church doing Bible Studies, retreats, etc…it was exposed my husband raped my daughter my world came crashing. I yelled at God I quoted his word back to him Like “do on to others as youd have them do unto you”, ” if somebody is cold give them the coat off your back”, “He will give you your hearts desire” “you will reap what you sow”….then I didnt talked to Him for 4 years! I’d still have my kids pray over their food and before they went to bed but I said nothing to Him for 4 years. I got beat up by 2 male officers in my home because of what my x husband did that I had no knowledge of until a day before they beat me up. During those 4 years I experienced more trauma in a day then others never see I would say to myself all this cant be happening to 1 person in 1 day BUT IT WAS IT WAS HAPPENING TO ME!!! 1 day it came to my mind that it wasnt Gods fault my ex husband had a choice and he chose wrong. After that I repented asked God for forgiveness, confessed Jesus is God’s only begotten son that whoever shall believe shall have ever lasting life(John3:16). I have not had relationship I once had with family & friends But I realise its because I will never be understood & honest to God Id rather bare the pain isolation & hurt then ever have another feel the horrible, unimaginable,terror, & trauma that has been inflicted upon me. If you ever need to talk you can email my gmail at ksdeleon20. Sometime venting is all we need to do or crying (is like cleansing the soul). Bible also says Laughter doth good like medicine.
Sarah Cheek, Other, Denison, TX, USA says
I am the one who experienced recent trama. Ive been feeling like i have PTSD now. Its constant. I haven’t even been able to grieve much because it’s just too much.
Chloe Shalini, Other, GB says
I still have ptsd to an extent, mainly due to childhood sexual abuse. Personally I have found a combination of talking therapy (psychodynamic therapy) and energy healing, for example, Reiki, the most helpful. Emotional Freedom Technique & Bowen also helpful. Depends upon the individuals involved of course but put simply the body/mind still carries the energetic imprint of what happened (or the brain is wired etc) & ‘alternative’ therapies along with verbal support are absolutely the best in my opinion/experience.
I am also a practioner of a type of energy healing, which is largely due to my personal experience.
Sometimes it is very helpful to focus on what creative coping strategies the person has or what they would like to have/try, to bring out a greater sense of confidence & self empowerment. How this all pans out always depends on many factors however, such as issues around forgiveness/acceptence/letting go. Being able to take our experiences/feelings & create something beautiful from them despite the horror or perhaps because of it is something I am always working on in many ways.
ANDREW SCHEIM, Clergy, ALBUQUERQUE, NM, USA says
Consciousness is a mystery. I can mitigate trauma but mitigating the vast terrain of subconscious memory requires tremendous awareness and transcending skills. Some are more awake to the subconscious than others. Then the problem takes on a whole new approach. Memories replaying in the subconscious mind goes way beyond our reductionist view of reality. The mind is the problem because we are never taught any form of meditation practice . Trauma is the mind arguing with God. Those that believe the mind suffer way more.
Sinead Dundon, Nutrition, IE says
I have found the 12 Step program Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families ACoA invaluable as are other 12 step AA programs
T Canale, Teacher, Brooklyn, NY, USA says
yes. Adult Children is a very powerful 12 step program.
Marsha Sandy-Holmes, Student, GB says
Being more attentive to their needs and allowing them to talk openly about their traumatic experiences without judgement as I am now in the learning seat.
Laura Jones, Student, GB says
Due to an accident three years ago I’ve been having problems with spacial awareness… A bit of a pseudo agoraphobia (only way I can describe it. There’s an article online which fits my problems perfectly). I’ve recently started EMDR and hoping they help. Any advice would be appreciated though xx
Ruth, Other, GB says
Don’t give up on the situation. Contact her – write to her- just to let her know you support her always. We’re not responsible for other people’s behaviour, they have to make their own decisions and feel comfortable with them. Let her know you miss her & your granddaughter and maybe in time this separation may be resolved.
Katherine Schaller, Student, Portland, OR, USA says
When my daughter was strangled and raped by a man that is no longer her husband I kept pushing her to talk to me about it and she cut me off. I haven’t seen her since 2010. Also her daughter since Kim was four.
Chloe Shalini, Other, GB says
Really sorry about the situation. Trauma like that is something that takes a long time to begin to talk about especially with a parent…..I hope contact can be re-established. If you can reach out then try, just be sure to let her know you won’t press her to talk about anything she can’t & that you only pressurised in the past because of love & concern.
Dawn Mello, Other, Clarksville, NY, USA says
Thank you for sharing that. I go through this and am always looking for what is next? PTSD from things I went through as a child had me so screwed up I started drinking at 13, smoking pot and later dabbling in all sorts of things.
Nicola Stamos, Nursing, AU says
Do you use any Mp3 Audio’s at all to help with trauma?
Raquel Puentes, Student, Belmont, CA, USA says
I am currently in college trying to obtain my bachelor’s degree in psychology. I absolutely loved what you wrote. You explained it in such a way where I understand it and you didn’t use big words. lol I would love to use this program with my 17 year old son who experiences C-PTSD. I would love for this to work through him if he grasp the concept. He is currently awarded to the state of California and is with me on a short visit. His father is an overt, malignant narcissist and is the reason why our son is under CPS (Child Protective Services) rule. His father mentally, physically, verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abused him. He basically did everything to him except sexual abuse. Thank God! My question to you is, if I attempt to share this information with my son, do you think it will make an impact if I also have C-PTSD? I married this man, so he did it to me first. However, I was physically, emotionally and verbally abused by my own mother when I was a little girl and she is a narcissist too. I was sexually abused myself by another member of my family. Could this work if I do it with my son or do I have to be self-consciously aware and apply it first, then administer it to him afterwards? I just don’t have that kind of time because my son leaves next week. Please advise.
Raquel Puentes
raquelpuentes@my.smccd.edu
Cherri Miele, Another Field, Virginia, VA, USA says
I am the patient. I’ve been working with daily positive affirmations and they are really helping.
Lesley Adamson, Psychology, AU says
I want to learn more about traumatic memory and how to treat clients.
Allie Iubhar, Counseling, Commerce City , CO, USA says
This is pretty much what has been explained in books and workshops for dealing with trauma for years now. It’s what I’ve used when working with clients since I was doing my college student counseling.
It’s incredibly important, but what’s new?
Nancy Feraldi, Teacher, Socorro, NM, USA says
Thanks. I just need good advice about dealing with a family member’s PTSD panic attacks. They are in therapy, but this is helpful for me to remember when interacting with my loved one.
Lorre, Other, Chesapeake , VA, USA says
How can you be sure the feelings will end?
Chloe Shalini, Other, GB says
I know what you mean…..personally I have found they are far less than they used to be due to all of the (damn) work I have done on myself – combo of psychodynamic therapy & alternatives like reiki type/emotional freedom technique/Bowen. All the comments about meditation & meditation recordings are right – these things help a lot. My ptsd affects me still but so much less than it did even just 10 yrs ago, so I now believe the feelings can & will end. And I am sure this is true of all of us.
Teresa R..., Other, Tempe, AZ, USA says
I have been traumatized repeatly since about 2yrs. People are cruel and I can understand how people are more about there pets then humans. I am constantly reminding myself to think good thought because my brain for no apparent reason
has what I call tragedy day dreams so I can be prepared for what ever is going to happen next. I just recently realized that I have ptsd and that made things worse. I am a big mess and the dam is broken. I have a hard time more now then ever. My daughter’s and I are mostly at war these days and I cannot take it. It is so painful that I think I have to sever our relationship and that just adds to the already horrible mess. I am falling apart and think of killing myself almost daily. It’s not an option. I hope I never do this terrible thing. Where can someone help me. I need help. I now just want to stay away from people and not go out. I see no reason to go out and met people. I seem to be over effected by being betrayed. First husband a physician was having an affair with the babysitter which was only 2.5 yrs older then our daughter, then divorced and married her ,I loss the ability to speak for a few days and went to a mental hospital for 14 days because I was shutting down. After 14 days of nothing but rest I checked self back out and I could talk. Long and short of it lost the kids to him , broke my heart and it wouldn’t beat correct. I got so weak I thought I would die. It took about 1yr for me to fix myself. Married a social path and he broke both eardrums . He was very abusive took at least 6yrs to get a divorce because there isn’t any law unless you have money. No one cares. I tried to put my dad in prison but the law didn’t even ask me a single question zero representation by D.A. who was supposed to help me. Never even met me.
Third guy was such a good liar that he fooled me for 7yrs until a woman called and said she lived in his house and they were a couple. I do not have any desire to be with anyone now. I stopped trusting. I have given Reiki and healed many people as it is a gift from God. I never charged because I think it has a value far greater then any sum of money. I just want to feel like normal people feel. I want my brain to relax and be without the tragedy day dreams constantly coming up for zero reason. I have moved about 10 times in 8yrs. My girls cannot understand me but my boys are kinder more help. This is a mind blower to me. I am thankful for my children and love them. I don’t want things to get worse.
Julie Crowley, Counseling, GB says
This is really interesting and helpful, thanks. I will use it in bereavement support often where trauma is part of that loss for medical emergencies or suicide for example. Also, the childhood experiences we discover underlies the triggers and behaviours people experience many years later. This is the sort of work I do but this deeper insight could really help me help them more.
Marki Carlson, Another Field, Roseburg, OR, USA says
Excellent read. I have PTSD and get triggered often right now from abuse in marriage. One day at a time with God’s help, fortitude and surrounding myself with healthy relationships I’m learning to think of myself and the world differently. The struggle is real.
Jennifer Hart, Another Field, AU says
I’m not a doctor… Just a person who is going through some things…I’ve always been fascinated by the workings of the mind, and it helps me to know myself more deeply, and to understand a little better how to be there for a friend who is suffering at this time….to be honest, I don’t know a great deal about this, so it will be helpful to learn more…thankyou…
Phyllis Hardister, Other, Roy , UT, USA says
I am not a therapist. However, I am somebody that deals with the aftermath of the traumatic experiences throughout my life. This information is something I had not heard of and I found it rather helpful in my road to recovery.
Christine Roat, Social Work, Burton, MI, USA says
I just can’t seem to get my joy in life back…after deaths of my 2 daughter’s from Huntington Disease. My niece who lived with me committed suicide.Traumatic childhood of Alcoholism, sexually assaulted by family members. When will I be able to get my Happiness in Life back.
Anne Dalton, Other, AU says
Dear Christine, I’m not surprised you’re unable to feel joy. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. You don’t need to explain yourself. One day you’ll be sitting somewhere on a bench and feeling happy for no reason. It might be a fleeting experience but wonderful just the same. Just take each day moment by moment. While people sympathise they can’t fully grasp your pain. It’s your own. Nurture yourself when you can. Be gentle with yourself. Your life’s journey has been incredibly harsh and finding a ‘purpose’ may be more helpful than finding happiness for a while. My heart goes out to you and others who’ve endured so much.