Working With Your Client’s Traumatic Memories
with Bessel van der Kolk, MD
and Ruth Buczynski, PhD
Sometimes we remember what seem like the smallest, most insignificant details of our lives – an 8th grade locker combination, a story heard at a party years ago, or all the lines from a favorite movie.
These memories – full of facts, words, and events – are explicit memories.
But there are different kinds of memories – ones that are evoked by sights, sounds, or even smells.
For example, the smell of coffee percolating atop a gas stove could bring back Sunday afternoons around the table with beloved grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
On the other hand, being surprised by the scent of a particular aftershave, for instance, could elicit feelings of fear, panic, or even terror.
A person who was traumatized as a child might re-experience the all-too-familiar sensations of quivering in fear or breaking out in a cold sweat.
And it may have very little to do with the verbal thought process of, “Oh, this reminds me of the incident of my father hitting me.”
Traumatic memory is formed and stored very differently than everyday memory.
So let’s take a closer look at what happens when a person experiences trauma.
What Happens When the Brain Can’t Process Trauma
Dr. Van der Kolk: If a person was abused as a child, the brain can become wired to believe, “I’m a person to whom terrible things happen, and I better be on the alert for who’s going to hurt me now.”
Those are conscious thoughts that become stored in a very elementary part of the brain.
But what happens to adults when they become traumatized by something terrible they’ve experienced?
Simply put, the brain becomes overwhelmed. That’s because the thalamus shuts down and the entire picture of what happened can’t be stored in their brain.
So instead of forming specific memories of the full event, people who have been traumatized remember images, sights, sounds, and physical sensations without much context.
And certain sensations just become triggers of the past.
You see, the brain continually forms maps of the world – maps of what is safe and what is dangerous.
That’s how the brain becomes wired. People carry an internal map of who they are in relationship to the world. That becomes their memory system, but it’s not a known memory system like that of verbal memories.
It’s an implicit memory system.
What that means is that a particular traumatic incident may not be remembered as a story of something that’s happened a long time ago. Instead, it gets triggered by sensations that people are experiencing in the present that can activate their emotional states.
It’s a much more elementary, organic level of a single sensation triggering the state of fear.
A person might keep thinking about the sensation and say, “Oh, this must be because it reminds me of the time that my father hit me.”
But that’s not the connection that the mind makes at that particular time.
How the Lack of Context Impacts Treatment
So what difference will it make in our work, knowing that a traumatic memory was encoded without context?
It’s important to recognize that PTSD, or the experience of trauma is not about the past. It’s about a body that continues to behave and organize itself as if the experience is happening right now.
When we’re working with people who have been traumatized, it’s crucial to help them learn how to field the present as it is and to tolerate whatever goes on. The past is only relevant in as far as it stirs up current sensations, feelings, emotions and thoughts.
The story about the past is just a story that people tell to explain how bad the trauma was, or why they have certain behaviors.
But the real issue is that trauma changes people. They feel different and experience certain sensations differently.
That’s why the main focus of therapy needs to be helping people shift their internal experience or, in other words, how the trauma is lodged inside them.
How Talking Can Distract a Client from Feeling
Now, in helping people learn to stay with their sensations, we need to resist the temptation to ask them to talk about their experience and what they’re aware of.
This is because talking can convey a defense against feeling.
Through the use of brain imagery, we’ve learned that when people are feeling something very deeply, one particular area of the brain lights up.
And we’ve seen other images taken when people are beginning to talk about their trauma and, when they do, another part of the brain lights up.
So talking can be a distraction from helping patients notice what is going on within themselves.
And that’s why some of the best therapy is very largely non-verbal, where the main task of the therapist is to help people to feel what they feel - to notice what they notice, to see how things flow within themselves, and to reestablish their sense of time inside.
Why Restoring the Sense of Time Can Make Emotions More Bearable
All too often, when people feel traumatized, their bodies can feel like they’re under threat even if it’s a beautiful day and they’re in no particular danger.
So our task becomes helping people to feel those feelings of threat, and to just notice how the feelings go away as time goes on.
The body never stays the same because the body is always in a state of flux.
It’s important to help a patient learn that, when a sensation comes up, it’s okay to have it because something else will come next.
This is one way we can help patients re-establish this sense of time which gets destroyed by the trauma.
Sensations and emotions become intolerable for clients because they think, “This will never come to an end.”
But once a patient knows that something will come to an end, their whole attitude changes.
Now we'd like to hear from you. How will you use these ideas on traumatic memory in your work with your patients?
Please leave a comment below.
Kristle Decaro, Psychology, New York , NY, USA says
Answering “How do you work with clients who blame others for their problems? “By asking them questions that will permit them to reflect and see their problems through rational lenses. Nonetheless, there are those that even after seeing a different reality it is too painful to accept and go back their comfort zone of the victim. This is where either they don’t return or return trying to make sense of this new reality.
Michelle Snow, Another Field, Moab, UT, USA says
Personally I dislike when people tell me to quit playing the victim…I’m not playing the victim, I am the victim.
Evie Taylor, Another Field, Other, FL, USA says
I heartily agree!
Cherylanne Boudria, Teacher, Fall River, MA, USA says
Tenderness along with empathy. Close listening and watching body language. Use open end responses.
Juliette Reid, Another Field, Boston, MA, USA says
I love going for a walk in the forest helps me to relax and identify with my feelings. Taking a salt bath helps to calm my mind and feel relaxed. Also l love to listen to music regarding frequency and hertz. Meditation has helped me tremendously.
Jan Williams, Coach, GB says
Great article. I find recreating negative memories as positive loving parental encounters can leave an alternative memory and disempower the original trauma especially if repeated.
I have learned so much from your work. Thank you.
Victoria El, Counseling, Harrisburg , MD, USA says
I’ve used wise mind, mindfulness, becoming an observer of your trauma related pattern, using Christ-centered Guided Imagery of Safe Place and healing prayer I forgot to add all of this is based on being aware of your internal dialogue. I also use deep breathing, and prayer.
Bobbyjean Leblanc, Other, CA says
I also suffer from PTSD and will suffer from this for the rest of my life, and life with this is far from any blessing that’s for sure. That’s put it this way i live my life on eggshells and have a fear that’s unexplainable.
Laura Lee Kenny, Other, CA says
Thank you. I look forward to reading this.
Melissa Cloutier, Another Field, CA says
I work with children who use thought mapping .
Che, Student, Woonsocket , RI, USA says
With a mirror of myself
Eric Puig, Another Field, Cedar City, UT, USA says
I see this every day in my mother. This topic is also a part of my life, separate from my mothers traumatic memories. I asked my mother one time, “Who is the person, you will tell about the awful things that happen to you, that would help you heal?” She had no answer and neither did I. As soon as I talk to my mom about how she behaves, with my teenage sons, she talks about them, not her self. Not sure if I do the same thing.
I think it is in our nature to want and believe that our faults and short comings are a result of someone ells mistakes. Some times they are. I think for us as survivors, we need to understand the concept of “making an excuse”, or finding a possible “explanation” for certain behaviors. It is important to understand that Excuses and Explanations are not the same thing.
Margie Arndt, Another Field, Minneapolis , MN, USA says
Replacement therapy using pleasurable tapping to replace bad body memories using 5 senses to see today our environment is safe. Helps Using heart breathing to alow sensations in along with allowing Higher Power in the breathing knowing I am not alone. Remembering others who experience trauma experience this to and praying for my and their healing visualization of healing coming to me and them. Understanding why it’s happening isn’t as important as trusting HP plan for our lives
Johanns James, Another Field, Poughkeepsie, NY, USA says
I have been a client ( in therapy) since 1992. Dealing with past traumas. I have never had a sense of time & always wondered why. The way you treat patients sounds Awesome to me. I still get triggered sometimes, fortunately, I learned in coping skill groups to just breathe through those times. However, I was also encouraged to connect feelings with specific incidents & talk about them as I was feeling them.
Rebecca Var, Other, Montgomery , AL, USA says
Great Article, I appreciated it because I’m raising a Austin child that was Abused Sexually and is still traumatized today from it, and the inappropriate behavior ‘s she had.
Amanda Jacobs, Counseling, CA says
In my opinion, and this is an underresearched, raw opinion from the semi-educated mind of someone whose experiences trauma and blaming first hand, you would work with a client who blames others similarly to the way you would approach a client who blames themselves.
The blame is often generated by an instense feeling of loss of control, and the blooming is simply a tool to help create a form of control. To blame someone else, or oneself, is easier to do than to look deeply and have to endure the relentless emotions that will come up when looking for the REAL causal factors.
Targeting the blame heavy statements, and simply posing them in other formats can help elicit non blaming responses. But I digress, due to my own inability to properly sort through my own trauma, my ability to form comprehensive and intelligible comments is limited.
I could go on forever giving insight into what might work, but it all comes down to the individual. Different tools and mechanisms will work for different people, and sometimes the most unexpected solution will come along and surprise us all.
Becc, Other, San Diego , CA, USA says
I’m just getting the counseling I need and I wish I could say it was helpful. With what I’ve read I don’t see it as blaming but putting the responsibility where it belongs. Yes we have to take responsibility for our own feelings and yet in my 50 plus years had no where to turn. Why because I had so much responsibility. Kids, home, college and 24 surgeries to deal with as a single person. So forgive me but this article as been more helpful then the half dozen counselors in Florida Ohio and San Diego! So I don’t get your under research claim. What I do understand is we all deal when we open ourselves to the truth, the experience and have forgiveness in our heart. Regardless if you call it blame or what it exactly who, what and your own experience. I’m just able to deal after being alone with myself and feel, experience and truthy work through each one experience. To top it off I have a mentally challenged grown son.
I can say by age 20 I already lived through molestation, spousal abuse, a gun held to my head twice, lost of dad and daughter and my new house, and almost died from blood infection. Each were separate and had no family to help.
I want to say thank you for this wonderful and helpful article! Bless you!
Tammy Blake, Other, Hopkinsville, KY, USA says
That is a hard question.
Im no therapist, still I have been tramatized. And in my mind a certin person caused that tramua.
I would not know how to help someone to not place blame.
I’d like to understand how to do that myself.
My guess would be forgivness. Forgive so that you can heal.
Holding onto the traumatic event
Puts bitterness in your heart, and you suffer, when triggered.
If you forgive the person that caused the trauma, you set yourself free.
Idk, thats just a opinion. …
Tricia, Social Work, Montclair, NJ, USA says
You might want to also look into the work of Dr. Fred Luskin for work around forgiveness. Good luck to you.
Michelle Strigotte, Counseling, Coeur D Alene , ID, USA says
I am always looking for ways to help clients who battle with PTSD and trauma recovery. I’m working on my graduate degree in clinical counseling and looking for approaches that I can become experienced in.
Willem Langman, Another Field, Charolettesville, VA, USA says
It started out with my mom yelling at me like she’d yell at my dad. Then when I was 13 he died and the foundation of reason in my life vanished.
Then when I was 20 after inviting drug dealers in to be my roommates I found myself kneeling being sexually assaulted at gun point.
I told my therapist and instead of being treated for trauma I was thrown to the institutions for wanting revenge and being treated for “violence.” After that assault I had a hyper vigilance that lead me to stay awake pacing in a rage towards threats for 4 days and then fall asleep for 4-6 maybe 7 hours. I’d often sleep sitting up in the corner of the room armed with whatever seemed more useful in a fight. Eventually a crossbow. Which I never used. My “friends” also took the institutionalization as proof that my “rape” was a “lie.”
In the institutions I was not treated for stress but treated like I was NGRI and violent from “proofs.” I ended up with anxiety so bad it would strip me of the ability to stand or walk temporarily. So at those times I would sit and drool or lay back and exhale more than I could inhale causing muscle damage. My palms still hurt although they finally don’t look “ugly” to me.
I ran to Texas one evening thinking the same assault was coming again. Where I *finally* received prazosin as a medicine. Finally after 5 years I could sleep again.
Sheri Lynn, Other, Eunice, LA, USA says
After losing my best friend and mother 2 months apart I met and had an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I dream about them almost every night thus think about and cry about them all day. It’s so draining and depressing. I feel completely defeated. No hope to be happy again.
Grace Wills, Student, GB says
Hi Sheri,
I have had similar family bereavements in my life followed by an abusive relationship, I promise you that you can recover and find ways of dealing with the trauma, it takes time, a bit of work and possibly therapy. Good friends also help. If what this website offers isn’t right for you, there are a lot of other alternatives out there. If you’re broke like me, there are lots of good videos made by kind people on YouTube. Please remember that you are as important as anybody else and you deserve a normal life. It is incredibly hard when you can’t get someone out of your head but there are ways of forgetting. The only route to success is to keep trying.
Be strong and keep looking Xxx
Jackie Garrick, Social Work, Washington, DC, USA says
I met Dr. Van der Kolk many years ago at ISTSS when I first started treating veterans with PTSD. In recent years, I’ve taken what I knew about combat trauma and started applying it to workplace trauma. Millions of Americans (and workers around the world) are subjected to whistleblower retaliation, harassment, and discrimination that becomes a hostile work environment, which I believe is traumatizing. I’ve talked to and surveyed hundreds of whistleblowers who have PTSD because they have “committed career suicide” or where “professionally gang-raped.” In short, when ethical dissonance leads to identity disruption, it can equate to a “serious injury”. The stigma of being a whistleblower in such an environment and suffering from gaslighting, mobbing, marginalizing, devaluating, shunning an other “toxic tactics” get passed off as “job stress” by too many clinicians. I’ve created a Whistleblower Retaliation Checklist (survey can be found at http://www.whistleblowersofamerica.org) that I would love more help with further developing and disseminating. Welcome your thoughts!
Dee Daly, Teacher, GB says
Do l have to be…and observe emotions till they pass?
Thank you
Suzanne McClelland, Nursing, Opelika, AL, USA says
I do not really have any experience with patients who have this issue. I have never done much psych nursing. However with my daughter and friends that I have long talks with when they need it I let them talk and then try to help them see what they can do to change their situation / problem. My adopted son did have the tendency to blame others for his problems and we would talk alot but he was also bipolar schizophrenic and refused to take his medication so that was a more complicated situation. I did find though that once he decided to blame somebody for something there was no convincing him otherwise even in the face if hard cold proof. But again I feel like that was related to his mental disorders and his refusal to take his meds.
Suzanne McClelland, Nursing, Opelika, AL, USA says
25 years ago I was a paramedic. Thats we started developing post traumatic stress debriefing teams. Being with other people who experienced similar traumas and talking about any and all parts of the entire experience was helpful to me and also to the others. Ive also worked with my daughter who had a childhood trauma and suffers from anxiety on relaxation techniques and meditation along with pressure points that help when a panic attack hits. These techniques have also helped me cope with my anxiety when its a full blown panic attack.
Shelia Blue, Other, Baltimore , MD, USA says
I suffer from multiple PTSD. Due to mulitple deaths of family, friends. I can’t seem to go a day without seeing the discovery of their bodies. How dose one forget and move on with their life. I cry so often and dream of all of them.
Lesley Vlietstra, Other, NZ says
I am my own client, having developed PTSD through both childhood abuse and domestic violence. Although I have been through regular therapy with a counsellor over quite a few years, I have found that reading such material as that written by Bessel Van Der Kolk and others (Judith Herman, Janina Fisher, Peter A Levine among many) and intellectually reasoning on it over time, I have been able to slowly internalise the descriptions of trauma and its effects, thus becoming more aware of my emotions and feelings and triggers. This has taken years. But the insights in the material I’ve read have come only in the recent past as has my ability to understand myself, to begin to realise that I exist as a sentient being and to start to live in the present. I, along with the multitudes of PSTD sufferers, owe a major debt of gratitude to the men and women who have sought to understand what trauma does to those affected.
Bernie Purcha, Other, CA says
Hope this helps me out I was in a car accident oct 2015 I’m not the same person I get stressed out easy don’t remember saying things to someone close I have after the accident seizures
Lillianna Garcia, Teacher, Washington, DC, USA says
I am very thankful for your thoughtful research and this will assist me in my work.
Veronica Figueroa, Other, Madison , WI, USA says
Thank you for the reassurance. I work with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault and have seen how people transform as we help them work through triggers, or non-verbal trauma work comes in the form of art and creative expression.
Joanne Clinton, Another Field, GB says
I have ptsd ,I was abused as a child ,by my father ,bullyed beaten as the youngest of 4 I had most things thrown at me ,I’ve been taken advantage of beaten n raped ,I sufferd a violent attack from a ex partner leaving me with a few problems with memory and intence migranes ,my ex husband uses this against me all the time to win custurdy of my 4 eldest children he still bully and controls me after 17 yrs of knowing him i was 16 when i met him ,I had a complete mental breakdown because of trauma and ptsd medication i was on left me completly off the rails, im ok now just struggling to understand my behaviour and deal with what has happened to me i want to move on but feel like nobody will let me from the attack 3 yrs ago ,im intrested in understanding the brain and how it works because I’ve been so confused i believe understanding what happened will help me with recovery ,
Mariea Plendl, Another Field, Hampton , IA, USA says
I like to help unofficially. As a fellow survivor. I call this kind of blame casting. I explain it and a way to look at and try to fix everyone but you. For the people who I visit with in my analogy it is used so they don’t have to look at self. Self is the goal touching the original heart or gut, is the very best start to healing and then they can feel something for self not others. Everything else is fake and without risk to them.
Ja, Other, Layton , UT, USA says
I was in an electrical explosion. This creates a heatwave because the electricity jumps to the nearest conductor. It heats up a minimum of 39,000 degrees instantly. It also creates a light brighter than you can imagine and the sound of a gunshot in a tin can. I was severely burned, I have brain damage, PCS, chronic PTSD, chronic migraines with orbs and muscle spasms. I have MDD and panic attacks as well. Finding a great neurologist and therapist immediately and imperative. Because this was an on the job accident, WC wouldn’t approve any critical health care I needed. I wasn’t able to see a neurologist or therapist for nearly a year. When I finally was able to get proper treatment, my therapist proceeded to perform EMDR on me. She had me write in a journal, this helped me get my anger out, meditate and do yoga. My neurologist was able to find medications in a very timely manner. Without the two of them I would not be able to function at all. I have since lost my job and I am having trouble finding another one because my communication skills are not the best. I think the EMDR and the journal writing along with the medication I am on have saved me. I have endless symptoms and I truly believe that in the end the side effects of this injury will take my life. I am no longer suicidal, but I’ve learned that my symptoms can cause heart failure and a few others major diseases. Thank you for sharing your findings as they are very helpful.
Natalie West, Counseling, GB says
Makes a great deal
Of sense. Thank you
Lisa Haglin, Counseling, Auburn, CA, USA says
Hi, what is the best way to treat veterans with PTSD?
Rebecca Niznik, Counseling, St George , UT, USA says
I’ve done exactly this, having no name for it but a discernment on what is right, what works. This was a great read!
Robyn, Counseling, AU says
I have used alot of different measures and would love to talk more to those involved in helping the healing process, but I prefer not to share my experiences on a public page.
Looking forward to learn more about this, and have alot I could contribute, both personally and professionally
Lynne Naubert, Other, CA says
Wonderful words of wisdom, thank you for sharing, I never responded right away but after some thought and reading it again I will respond
Tracy Dyson, Another Field, GB says
I would never argue with a client as this would cause them to be defensive but I gently reframe it by getting them to visualise two people or even draw two people with opposing views both thinking their right and the other wrong, person A and person B this way it’s disassociated from themselves and they can see two people can be neith right or wrong just different opinions but never relate it to them personally. I can sometimes very gently bring in a sense of responsibility through suggestion again indirectly.
Vicki Herdt, Teacher, Boise, ID, USA says
I have found it helpful, particularly with autistics, to let them have space to feel their big emotions. Often teachers try to explain situations when feelings are paramount. “You are having big/overwhelming feelings and that’s okay.” The room to feel instead of explain is a big help in regaining their sense of control, in my experience.
Paul F., Another Field, Eugene, OR, USA says
A very popular song by Queen brings back a traumatic event where I was beaten by a stranger and needed hospitalization (the beating took place during the song). Not sure I’ll ever forget. Maybe I’m not supposed to. I’m okay seeing myself in that situation. I’m alive and well. It doesn’t affect my life at all. But I remember…much the same as I remember a lot of things throughout my life, traumatic or not. Another traumatic event comes to mind when I’m deciding to attend a high school reunion. My classmate seriously injured my just prior to graduation and I spent 3 days in ICU for bleeding on the brain. I survived, obviously…but just can’t come to grips with attending any of my reunions, and I have tightness in my chest now just thinking about it.
Sarah, Other, Muskogee, OK, USA says
I immediately became interested for good reasons. First, it’s necessary for me to learn more about trauma and psychology, workings of the mind, etc. My 14 year old daughter was diagnosed with trauma at age 8, and I knew it was true, yet the diagnosis confirming it hurt my heart. I’ve given my email address hoping to understand more, make sense of it, and get answers. No one deserves this, and all day I’ve been feeling severely upset, and it’s not healthy.
Rebecca, Other, Knox City, MO, USA says
I’ve worked with children that have been traumatized and being a child of abuse an a adult with a brain injury and to top it off my husband was murdered in front of me. Recently have learnt to recognize when the ptsd is kicking my ass.
Sheri Pedwell, Other, CA says
Love to know more about ptsd symptoms please?!
Julie Dale, Counseling, Portland , OR, USA says
Blaming others for problems shows a feeling of not having any power or control, and not recognizing when they do. I encourage recognition of small moments of power in everyday living in their past and work toward finding it in future planning. Every day is made up of thousands of choices and our acceptance or denial of them.
Paul, Other, GB says
once a patient knows that something will come to an end, their whole attitude changes. That is so important, life changing. Anxiety is everywhere lets limit its time with us!
Daniel Jordan, Student, Los Angeles, CA, USA says
This reminds me of meditation practice!
Robert, Counseling, Allentown , PA, USA says
Yes and sometimes I do also.
Stella Johnny, Other, CA says
Listening, responding to confirm my understanding is correct. Acknowledgement is important. Using cultural and traditional ways to relief or encourage them.
What you shared is confirming what I work with. Thank you.
Karen smith, Stress Management, GB says
Im afraid i havnt developed any coping stratergies exept for exstreme panic attacts i do 7 11 breathing but i very much need help with finding coping stratergies i have a very disorganized set of emotions mustly i get paralyzed by guilt and freeze many thanks for the discriptive of ptsd
Raymond Martinez, Social Work, Bakersfield , CA, USA says
Excellent article with facts and theory.
Tracey Lee Slauterbeck, Social Work, Gilbert , USA says
I went through EMDR Therapy, and this therapy helped me process my bad memories to pleasant ones. This changed my life extremely because my fight or flight system is much calmer. I am going to school to become a therapist.
Mary Hall, Other, Peeples Valley, AZ, USA says
I record what they are telling me. They are aware of the recording. Then they need to listen to it over and over. Sometimes as with anything it works.
Lesley, Psychology, AU says
I use ACT. Letting thoughts go. Thoughts are only thoughts. Being in the present. Grounding. This works well mostly. Sometimes it takes a while for the client to practise, but usually clients see it happen quickly.
Mad Merlin, Health Education, AU says
I teach them the traditional Ka Huna method of releasing the tendrils of connection between those we blame & ourselves & also the tendrils of connection between ourselves & those we blame…We do NOT cut the chords of attachment that bind us…we simply visualise the flower that attracted us in the first place…then we see the vines of poison & desire that follow..We then say to ourselves “I RELEASE YOU IN PERFECT WAYS”….”I RELEASE YOU IN PERFECT WAYS”….”I RELEASE YOU IN PERFECT WAYS”….Then you will see that these vines of attachment will start loosening their grip…them to us…& us to them. It may take some time…but as you practice..so it grows & these insidious vines of connection will gradually; & then more quickly, unravel from our true selves.
Suzanne McClelland, Nursing, Opelika , AL, USA says
This is interesting, I am not familiar with this but will be reading more about it. These types of techniques work well for me personally because theyre spiritual for lack of a better term? But thank you for sharing I will reasearch this more.
EDNA SAILOR, Another Field, Minot, ND, ND, USA says
I am not a counselor, but a survivor of childhood molestation five times before the age of five. Three were family members and two community members all well known to my family. The election of 2016 and all of the “locker room” talk sent me over the edge and I wrote and published my book Alfalfa Girl, The Path From childhood Molestation to Soul at http://www.alfalfagirl.com. All the episodes in the book are mine or based on stories other women shared with me. I am 71 years old and it is the first time I have shared my story.
Mona brown, Other, Kansas city, USA says
You will help others by telling your story.