Working With Your Client’s Traumatic Memories
with Bessel van der Kolk, MD
and Ruth Buczynski, PhD
Sometimes we remember what seem like the smallest, most insignificant details of our lives – an 8th grade locker combination, a story heard at a party years ago, or all the lines from a favorite movie.
These memories – full of facts, words, and events – are explicit memories.
But there are different kinds of memories – ones that are evoked by sights, sounds, or even smells.
For example, the smell of coffee percolating atop a gas stove could bring back Sunday afternoons around the table with beloved grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
On the other hand, being surprised by the scent of a particular aftershave, for instance, could elicit feelings of fear, panic, or even terror.
A person who was traumatized as a child might re-experience the all-too-familiar sensations of quivering in fear or breaking out in a cold sweat.
And it may have very little to do with the verbal thought process of, “Oh, this reminds me of the incident of my father hitting me.”
Traumatic memory is formed and stored very differently than everyday memory.
So let’s take a closer look at what happens when a person experiences trauma.
What Happens When the Brain Can’t Process Trauma
Dr. Van der Kolk: If a person was abused as a child, the brain can become wired to believe, “I’m a person to whom terrible things happen, and I better be on the alert for who’s going to hurt me now.”
Those are conscious thoughts that become stored in a very elementary part of the brain.
But what happens to adults when they become traumatized by something terrible they’ve experienced?
Simply put, the brain becomes overwhelmed. That’s because the thalamus shuts down and the entire picture of what happened can’t be stored in their brain.
So instead of forming specific memories of the full event, people who have been traumatized remember images, sights, sounds, and physical sensations without much context.
And certain sensations just become triggers of the past.
You see, the brain continually forms maps of the world – maps of what is safe and what is dangerous.
That’s how the brain becomes wired. People carry an internal map of who they are in relationship to the world. That becomes their memory system, but it’s not a known memory system like that of verbal memories.
It’s an implicit memory system.
What that means is that a particular traumatic incident may not be remembered as a story of something that’s happened a long time ago. Instead, it gets triggered by sensations that people are experiencing in the present that can activate their emotional states.
It’s a much more elementary, organic level of a single sensation triggering the state of fear.
A person might keep thinking about the sensation and say, “Oh, this must be because it reminds me of the time that my father hit me.”
But that’s not the connection that the mind makes at that particular time.
How the Lack of Context Impacts Treatment
So what difference will it make in our work, knowing that a traumatic memory was encoded without context?
It’s important to recognize that PTSD, or the experience of trauma is not about the past. It’s about a body that continues to behave and organize itself as if the experience is happening right now.
When we’re working with people who have been traumatized, it’s crucial to help them learn how to field the present as it is and to tolerate whatever goes on. The past is only relevant in as far as it stirs up current sensations, feelings, emotions and thoughts.
The story about the past is just a story that people tell to explain how bad the trauma was, or why they have certain behaviors.
But the real issue is that trauma changes people. They feel different and experience certain sensations differently.
That’s why the main focus of therapy needs to be helping people shift their internal experience or, in other words, how the trauma is lodged inside them.
How Talking Can Distract a Client from Feeling
Now, in helping people learn to stay with their sensations, we need to resist the temptation to ask them to talk about their experience and what they’re aware of.
This is because talking can convey a defense against feeling.
Through the use of brain imagery, we’ve learned that when people are feeling something very deeply, one particular area of the brain lights up.
And we’ve seen other images taken when people are beginning to talk about their trauma and, when they do, another part of the brain lights up.
So talking can be a distraction from helping patients notice what is going on within themselves.
And that’s why some of the best therapy is very largely non-verbal, where the main task of the therapist is to help people to feel what they feel - to notice what they notice, to see how things flow within themselves, and to reestablish their sense of time inside.
Why Restoring the Sense of Time Can Make Emotions More Bearable
All too often, when people feel traumatized, their bodies can feel like they’re under threat even if it’s a beautiful day and they’re in no particular danger.
So our task becomes helping people to feel those feelings of threat, and to just notice how the feelings go away as time goes on.
The body never stays the same because the body is always in a state of flux.
It’s important to help a patient learn that, when a sensation comes up, it’s okay to have it because something else will come next.
This is one way we can help patients re-establish this sense of time which gets destroyed by the trauma.
Sensations and emotions become intolerable for clients because they think, “This will never come to an end.”
But once a patient knows that something will come to an end, their whole attitude changes.
Now we'd like to hear from you. How will you use these ideas on traumatic memory in your work with your patients?
Please leave a comment below.
Nancy, Another Field, Roanoke, VA, USA says
After several domestic violence incidents and a home imprisonment by my now ex-husband, I’m hoping this will help stop the nightmares and patterns of thinking love won’t work.
Kathy Daley, Counseling, Worcester, MA, USA says
At a conference I heard a great analogy. Trauma memories are like the clocks in a Las Vegas. There aren’t any because the hope is that you will lose the concept of time. Ditto for reliving trauma . The part that remembers (that’s triggered) does not recognize hours, months or even years. Consequentially, the emotions evocative of the actual event(s) are often full on and experienced as a present moment.
Elva Canales, Student, Sanger, TX, USA says
Man O man! I sure am glad to read this.
Linda Whelan, Other, GB says
I have worked as a Aromatherapist, Reflexologist I have listened and helped Clients with trauma and I have also experienced my own traumas and researched how I can best reduce their effects on my life.
Stratergys
To guide them slowly gently to understanding there are coping tactics eg
Conflict triggers
Initial shock… Breath deeply..
Repeat this over and over again..till you have gained some composure
If a confrontational situation
Say Cud you just give me a few minutes to fully understand and address your critisim/concern
The Four S’s
Show empathy
State your case
Stick to your answer
Suggest a solution or idea to appease both people and to move the situation forwards.
Blaming others. Establish comfortable common ground.
Ask them to focus and replay the issue from the other person’s point of view..
Work on this with them
How do they feel
Are they emotional anxious
angry or ok. Is this a repetitive response?
Try to clearly establish what the issue is exactly and why they are unable to process this without blame to others.
They may be switched off or not listening as a coping skill and have actually shut down and are not fairly reasoning the issues. These tactic’s may be so well known to them that they are not aware they are doing this. Hope this helps others.
Linda Whelan, Other, GB says
Stratergys
To guide them slowly gently to understanding there are coping tactics eg
Conflict triggers
Initial shock… Breath deeply..
Repeat this over and over again..till you have gained some composure
If a confrontational situation
Say Cud you just give me a few minutes to fully understand and address your critisim/concern
The Four S’s
Show empathy
State your case
Stick to your answer
Suggest a solution or idea to appease both people and to move the situation forwards
Blaming others
Ask them to focus and replay the issue from the other person’s point of view..
Work on this with them
How do they feel
Are they emotional anxious
Angry ok. Is this a repetitive response?
Try to clearly establish what the issue is exactly and why they are unable to process this without blame to others.
They may be switched off or not listening as a coping skill and have actually shut down and are not fairly reasoning the issues.
Connie Robinson, Another Field, Wichita, KS, USA says
This has made me get a better understanding of my PTSD and now to find a doctor that knows how to use this to help me. Thank you for posting this.
Gillian Rothwell, Other, GB says
thank you
Michelle Yeoman, Other, GB says
Brillent and thank u explains a lot
Alice Bowen, Another Field, Hurricane, WV, USA says
I encourage them to stay in the here and now make choices based on that.Blaming others will keep them”stuck’ personal growth is impossible.
EVANGELINE MORRISON, Another Field, CA says
Encourage them to take their power back from these ghosts.. I heard myself one day saying ,,,” I only got to grade five ,, My mom was an alcoholic”.
I knew if I did not take my power back in the moment I would be a victim like her..
I was in my forties and went back to school and recieved my grade 12.
I can not change the past , I can change how I look at it and how it shapes my future.
This does not change the fact that people have a lasting effect on us .. especially our parents. I believe you and I are one, therefore the mistakes of the past can be corrected through us.
E, Morrison
Kathryn Raymond, Another Field, Newburyport , MA, USA says
I wrote a comment a few minutes ago. I would like to take a class, or more, with you. Or attend any lectures you may give. I work at Recovery Centers of America as a Recovery Support Specialist. But, because many of the clients “confide ” in me, and because I am not a therapist, my ability to provide progress/help is limited.
Thank you,
Kathryn
Kathryn Raymond, Other, Newburyport , MA, USA says
I have found that many petiole in my life, not just clients, will say to me, “I feel like I can tell you (this), I feel I can trust you”. I listen, listen and only if I am asked for a response do I say anything. And I try to ask questions, or sort of direct the person toward an awareness, a self- awareness. They might repeat what they have said; those “stories” might change somewhat. It is important (and I have to be cognitive of this) that I do not say what I believe is “the true story”, that my questions are “soft” rather then definative.
I went into teaching “”at-risk” students” because, 1) I wanted to teach those that others had difficulties working with, and 2) I have “sixth sense” regarding emotions; lying, discomfort, anger, etc.
Working now with those with “duel-diagnosis” I try, as I did as a teacher, to meet them where they are, mentally and emotionally, and go from there. In other words, not get ahead of them, not push toward a goal that they are not ready to embrace.
Tond, Nursing, Atlanta , GA, USA says
Communication is key with love and gentleness
Jen Green, Teacher, GB says
I fully agree with this..my husband had an affair and it traumatised me even though I didn’t find out until sometime later. I am trying to get over it and live in the present..talking doesn’t help nor does digging up old facts/ non factual information. The mind can play terrible tricks. I am having to learn to live in the present so I can make a better future. But it’s not easy as there are everyday phrases terms and places which continually bring the past back into focus it’s the ability to reject these thoughts which is difficult. It’s over a year since I found out and 5 since the affair happened I often wonder if I’ll ever fully be able to move on J x
Livy Livings, Other, Kyle , MI, USA says
Interested
Brian skillin, Counseling, GB says
I do not work with people who have experienced trauma im the one who has experienced repeated trauma since childhood in 1996 something snapped in my mind I felt no fear no anger no physical pain it was bliss then 4 or 5 days later my full being started to slip away I had just turned 20 and was in a young offenders institution for robbing a shop without a mask and a fake gun when I was 17 I still had tremendous hurt anger rage but still had my senses or part of them anyway but I hid it well no one new I was so proud I drank a lot I know now but not at time why and put on the bravado face got 5 yrs for the robbery still full of fear hurt rejected 12 months in the above happened when I was slipping away someone gave me an extacey tablet which I took that night in my cell I went numb my full mind memory soul gone seen diff psychiatrists diff diagnosisis but my ears were shut I couldn’t understand anything was violent but only to ones who were violent to others for nothing the bullies even prison officers gangsters anyone that gave me any rubbish I destroyed even though I went numb I kept putting 1 foot in front of the other didn’t care I made a promise to god id live to help the weaker and vulnerable with and without violence then id kill myself as I wasn’t even though suicidal giving my life for nothing I was released in 1999 lasted 6 months as people were speaking with emotion I did not understand so I held myself into police with a razor blade no intention on harming anyone right up until 2011 I lived I think in my head I knew something was wrong but I lived an existance no feeling s no thoughts just mechanical life to do good then god maybe let me into hevan if I did good and took my own life as I was catholic and your told you go to hell but something happened young boys were being murdered and I just sensed as I had started to agree to take quiatipine I knew who was doing it that was the first time I had a sense in 15 yrs plus bursting out crying for no reason first time in well since I was 12 I just thought I would give you or try to explain how it felt I moved to inverness in highlands 5 yrs ago 2013 and constantly still at times battle the thoughts with the silent angry voice or calm voiuce at times but they sent me for a CT scan I think it was and my results are shrinkage of the brain they say loads things cause it but I know it was my nervous system it damaged through traumas but I was always unaware of everything sort of I knew things but was detached from myself like taking a step out of myself so please if I have given you anything you didn’t already know please use it to help someone its not to late for .thank you sincerely brian skillin I wont go on all night it would take days to write .thank yoyu for listening if you do .
Jill Edelstein, Psychotherapy, NY, NY, USA says
parts. “so there is a part of you that knows so-and-so is to blame. can we hear more from that part?”
Kym Haynes, Another Field, AU says
I have worked with clients and trauma for about 20 years. I have found BodyTalk, Counselling and also The Addictive Worlds 9 Conscious Choices framework to be very helpful to move clients through. Kym
Bara Wales, Nursing, AU says
Accept that they are feeling this way and make a positive statement. After reading this article also ask the person gently, to describe any physical sensations they may be experiencing in association with the person who upsets their equanimity
Morris Kamelgarn, Other, Washington, D.C., DC, USA says
I’m not a professional therapist myself, but I couldn’t help noticing how similar you’re description of how the brain stores traumatic memories is to L Ron Hubbard’s ideas in the book Dianetics, which was published seventy years ago. I hope your ideas gain more acceptance than his did.
Jennifer F, Psychotherapy, Pensacola , FL, USA says
I’m a patient, for me DBT, EMDR and reading The Body Keeps The Score is helping tremendously. I also have an issue with not having a good sense of time. Mindfulness techniques and learning tech UTI connect to my body are also proving helpful.
RuthAnne Brown, Other, Sylva, NC, USA says
There are three main ways I use. One is through what is called Shamanic Breathwork ™ where specific set of music going through chakras is played loud. Specific breathing oxygenates the brain which then creates a journey.
Two. I put on trance dance like music and have a client move
The object is to find where in the body a feeling it memory is stored.
Third. I guide only a client through s journey where they are taken by their psyche to the place most needed. I guide them through bringing that part , resolved back into themselves.
It is my experience personally, that events, trauma, causes part of us to disassociate or split off depending on the event.
I have experienced these methods myself. Personally I put music on and move when working through something or when I know an understanding is working it’s way to be seen
Soo much to say.
Dana Okelley, Clergy, Winterville, GA, USA says
I am not a therapist. I have had ptsd and bi polar disorder all my adult life. I’ve had ECTs, therapy, hospitalization, numerous attempts of suicide and nothing ever seemed to help. Your article touched me and I was just interested in what you had to offer.
Thanks
Dana O’Kelley
Phoebe Lindsay, Another Field, Middletown, OH, USA says
Why do you assume that I’m a doctor or therapist? I was playing freecell and this came up. I am a patient with PTSD among other things.
Donna Gray, Other, NZ says
I’ve found some Native plants ((NZ) have the ability to eliminate these cellular memory.
Desiree Buckman, Other, Cotati, CA, USA says
Thank you for this article and all the work that you do ! I am not a therapist but I am finally coming to terms with the trauma of my childhood after a near suicidal breakdown. Through the help of my therapists and some EMDR, and especially mindfulness techniques and meditation, I have learned how to be less reactive and always on alert, but rather how to just be and accept the moment I am in, process that, and move on. I enjoyed your article on an intellectual level, but it also reiterates what I have been learning in therapy over the last year or so. Thank you.
Bara Wales, Nursing, AU says
Good to hear. Positive processing. Thanks for sharing Desiree
S L, Other, FC, CO, USA says
I’m not a therapist. But thank you for the article. It was helpful to understand better how trauma effects the brain and why PTSD effects me the way it does.
So far the two things that have helped “deactivate” panic and terror are EMDR and memory regression. One session of either of these helps far more than weeks of talk (which actually sometimes feels worse.) Judging by the information in your article I’d guess it’s cause in EMDR or memory regression, I feel the memory. And then reconnect with current time. I have been able to separate those events from myself through time. Finally I don’t feel like it’s happening NOW! When the feelings get triggered I recognize them now and don’t make decisions based on them, projecting them into my current experiences and relationships. When I previously looked for the reason for my feelings in my current experience, it robbed me of the sunny days, Love and light that is my now… and damaged relationships as I pinned the sins of the past on to those in front of me that had nothing to do with it.
I cannot tell you how much this understanding, and getting my feelings unstuck, has helped my everyday life and relationships.
Thanks again for the article. It shed another bit of light on my walk out of tye dark.
E W, Other, GB says
I have fostered and adopted traumatized children historically, and now am a shared lives carer living with ages 16 plus, most are traumatised, 1 was a child of a notorious extended family of a massive paedophile circle which hit the press and tv. She was being forced into a talking therapy, taking part was a condition of keeping her baby, but I knew talking about the abuse was too much for her to deal with as she was still recognising the past for what it was, through the present, and this raised new serious offences that she had not understood as a child, I couldn’t stop social services at a time she simply wasn’t ready, the flashbacks invaded her sleep and waking hours, and it seemed she needed a period of space, 6 hrs later she showed me a letter about someone which spoke of her anger and pain and how her baby was taken from her because of what he had done to her, so how she was further abused by what he had caused. How do you work out when ‘Therapy’ is timely, it rarely seems user friendly and often seems enforced and conditional by the Local authority
Pamela Hammonds M.Ed, Psychotherapy, Greenup, KY, USA says
Thank youi Is it possible for her to stay at a psychiatric facility for 30days or so to help her get adjusted in a safe space with like minded treatment cases like hers? Is their any substance abuse issues too?
Jan Turner, Coach, GB says
I help them to change their perspective by seeing the experience as an opportunity for themselves to grow, then they have no need for blame but can thank the others for their opportunity
Kathlene Kelly, Other, Easthampton , MA, USA says
This is confusing to me. None of my abuse “experiences” are an “opportunity to grow.” I don’t spend any time dwelling on “blame” but I sure as hell know who’s responsible for the years of abuse and who should have taken responsibility. I’m also trying to figure out who I’m supposed to be “thanking” for my “opportunities.” This is a very strange approach to the devastation of trauma, especially childhood trauma. Whatever kind of “coach” you are, your response doesn’t fill me with confidence. I’m crossing my fingers that something got lost in translation.
Lynne McCafferty, Counseling, Aberdeen , SD, USA says
In short, I have my clients look at solutions they are in control of. We do not address their responsibility right off the bat. Instead looking for ways they can begin to resolve issues themselves. This builds their confidence and willingness to not only move forward but to be more likely to see their own culpability in situations.
Pamela Hammonds, Coach, Greenup, KY, USA says
Are you able to eventually space the alarms out like every half hour to hour to three hour?
Leia Clark, Other, Port Angeles , WA, USA says
I was abused as a child and have clinical depression. I am also the person who is always late and slow doing things. It was only in the past couple years when I got onto the right dosage of Prozac that I realized that I don’t feel time. I’ve actually resorted to having my phone alarm go off every 10 minutes throughout my day. I thought it was a depression symptom. I had no idea it is part of my PTSD. THANK YOU!!!!
Lucy Scott, Naturopathic Physician, GB says
I use a technique called Transformational breath where the client is facilitated to maintain the concious connected breathing pattern over a period of 40-50 minutes and to respond to emotional sensations/memories with somatic actions and vocal toning. This allows for integration and relaxation by the end of the session. As a facilitator I use body mapping points to find tension held in the body linking to suppressed emotions and repeating positive affirmations associated with the trigger points. There can be 2-4+ cycles of integration in a session. Feedback from client afterwards gives them the ability to realise and understand the shift they have made. See http://www.transformationalbreath.com
Alicia Richards, Another Field, GB says
I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2016 due to childhood trauma. I thought I’d dealt with it over the years but it didn’t affect me until I broke up with my ex and lost my grandad to cancer all within 6 months. I don’t know how to edeal with it as I have social anxiety as well so talking isn’t my strong point. I would love a way that I can deal with it without group therapy as I know I won’t be able to manage that.
Kathryn Barnes, Other, Sherwood, MI, USA says
I accept the fact that some things inside a person will always be broken. I am aware of the causation of my phobias, based on past events, and accept that and try not to let it play into my life…yet I do not disregard warning signals. Those are survival mechanisms. The key is to analyze if the danger is immediate or a phantom.
Jenna McGivery, Other, CA says
Distraction until calm then revisit the situation slowly.
Shaun Brink, Social Work, Medford, OR, USA says
Some of the most of effective strategies have been understanding cognitive distortions and practicing recognizing them in interactions and self talk.
I have used lists of the distortions with alternative healthy responses. One time a client of therapist Ray Giles turned this list into flash cards with one side being the distortion and the other side listing healthy alternatives.
Ray Giles a well known PTSD therapist (retired) lamenated them and shared them with professionals and friends. They ey are great.
Debora Spo, Other, Newark , CA, USA says
I’m a Follower of Jesus. I let the person blaming know that there is a spiritual force that uses people and circumstances to do hurtful things. I teach on Forgiveness.
Amanda Spilman, Occupational Therapy, Skitown usa, CO, USA says
Feeling so much pain sadness two years away from a verbally and physically abusive partner… having dreams about him sweating at night , asthma attacks .. seeking prayer and faith As a christian… not feeling at peace yet .. letting go .. wanting to love this person at a distance … laying down , tried crystal therapy.. tried intention .. whole body hurts especially my heart heart pain .. thank you for your free message… amanda in Breckenridge
Cheryl Whe, Other, West Haven , CT, USA says
EMDR
Theress Handelman, Other, UM says
I suffer from PTSD and have been working on it for 2 years now. Interestingly enough I met a man whom I fell head over heels for. It was toxic, this relationship allowed myself to relate to my behaviors and discovered how my defense of transference from my father to him , childlike behaviors surfaced . This reality I hope I can now be more present in the now, and get along better with stress and have healthy conversations instead of words filled with painful emotions.
B.D. Quigley, Other, CA says
I completely agree about brain mapping of trauma and see the solution is to create new brain maps. Blaming others will not empower someone to be free to take mental charge of their own healing.
maxine hines, Another Field, LA GRANDE, OR, USA says
“traumatic memory was encoded without context?” This is what i needed. though i was sedated during surgeries, i could see the bright lights. my body registered what felt like attacks and assaults. i couldn’t retain the context, just attributed getting cut on as related to the lights, no context, no pain…..but plays havoc with going to the optometrist……practice practice, EMDR and imaging has helped. thank you
Sandra Kirchman, Another Field, CA says
Very helpful, Maxine. I had extensive surgeries as well. Apparently the pain was so severe that the pain narcotics drove me crazy. They had to discontinue them and tie me down, finally inducing a coma in me for five days.
Fortunately I don’t remember any of this. When I woke up, I remember begging my intensive care nurse not to hurt me.
I realize that I now view people with suspicion and wonder if and how much they are going to hurt me. I close up against it and cover it by being sweet and friendly.
Martha Ha, Teacher, CA says
Need more info as i havr been thru a lot when I was growing up
Deb Miller, Coach, Austin , TX, USA says
Yes
Michelle Snow, Other, Moab, UT, USA says
It’s interesting that you mention that talking defers pain away. I am a multiple and have PTSD and I literally never stop talking. It exhausts everyone around me, including me.
Julian Bottoms, Other, Cartersville, GA, USA says
I wonder if you qll vould help me w my PTSD and how i only remember things from the past and only repetitive things and my memory only focuses on stressful events that it remembers
Cherri Brow, Psychology, Fayetteville, GA, USA says
Thank you ~
Rhondal Kirk Reames, Other, DENTON, TX, USA says
I turn to God.
Francine Quin, Other, AU says
I’ve just become a client with an awesome therapist, here in Australia. I
had buried my past for decades, these labels that I have been given aren’t me, they don’t feel like my normal. I don’t know a life without trauma, abuse & neglect. I’ve read a lot of quality reference material & a lot from Dr Van der Kolk, even his book The Body keeps the score, not once in the 3 times that I have read it, can I accept that a lot of his research with other leading Dr’s & providers comes across as what I have been through, I guess it just doesn’t feel real. Healing for me will be a walking marathon, just so many intense & strong emotions. ?
Robyn Saunders, Nursing, CA says
I am a patient….In Quebec, Canada we don’t have access to psychologists before being drugged up by a psychiatrist. I need concrete help like the good old prychologist’s sofa, and talking it out, with homework to do…..I am destroyed, and pills don’t help. They only make me dumbed up, and nothing gets solved….