When it comes to self-disclosure in our clinical work, it can be critical to weigh very carefully just how and when we use it . . .
. . . especially in cases where a client relays an experience that bumps up against a painful or overwhelming experience, we may have had ourselves.
But according to Ray Rodriguez, LCSW-R there’s a sensorimotor approach that can help guide you, if or when such circumstances arise.
He’ll walk you through it in the video below.
Click here for full transcript
So for instance, I am a person of color. I am a gay therapist. And so I work with a lot of BIPOC clients and also with a lot of gay clients as well, so we have a shared identity. And very often the experiences that clients share with me are experiences that I have had myself. So the first thing that I do with myself is check in: am I in my window? Am I within my capacity? We now understand that if we are in the window of tolerance, we are socially engaged. We are in contact with our thinking, with our feelings and we are able to be more effective in whatever we do. So if I’m not in my window, the first order of business is what do I need to do to come back to the window? It may be hard, but it is a critical next step in the moment in the therapy.
What I find most helpful in those moments is whatever grounding activity I know for myself is to practice it at that moment. I find very helpful putting my feet on the ground and really pressing very gently with my feet. Or I may tap very discreetly also as a way of keeping myself regulated through the session.
If I am not able to bring myself to the window at the moment, I may bring it up to the client and say something like, “I’m finding myself, with what you’re describing, feeling a little here overwhelmed myself, because I see how much this has pained you, and I myself have experienced similar circumstances as you are sharing. So what’s it like for you to hear that from me?” And then it invites a conversation about that shared identity that we have.
Now, what I would also add is that my capacity to do that in the moment comes from myself having done a lot of work outside of therapy to have very honed in grounding skills for myself, or be able to engage with clients in having dialogues about our shared identity, or I’ve had very similar experiences with clients where we have an identity that we don’t share. So it’s critical that we do our homework outside of the therapy setting around ourselves, that we understand at a deeper, more granular level: what are the workings of oppression? And how does oppression and marginalization work? Then we have a language for being able to engage with clients around those conversations as well.
Now we’d like to hear from you. What strategies do you use for determining when and how to self-disclose with a client?
As a client, I am usually distrustful of professionals sharing something like this because I perceive it as a cheap tactic to establish some sort of connection quickly. And their behaviors after seem hollow; I feel as though I am being tricked. It doesn’t even occur on any level that they may have been sincere.
I’m extremely empathetic, can put myself in other’s shoes for the most part, but not with clinicians that exhibit this kind of thing. Probably because I don’t understand the importance of a therapeutic relationship, especially when clinicians think that something superficial will placate my emotional needs ON their schedule, IN their office. That I GET attention that avoids why I am there, what I am looking to work on, and it feels demeaning. It feels like my mom…
I just want to remember what it was, so I can live through it no matter how earth-shattering it may be for me, so I can push through it and over analyze alone in my apartment. I know I am not ready probably but I know I am tired of parsing down my needs for another professional who is better equipped at life write me off due to my “intelligence and awareness.” Like I should just “get it” or “wake up” or accept that what we agreed upon and hoops I’ve had to jump through to “prove” myself… ugh
I know the legal implications of or assume I can imagine the complex web supposed to protect clinician and client, but mental health triage should be part of training. Somatic not just talk. Self soothing etc. Maybe I will try finding someone via telemedicine channels. At least that way the distance will be obvious instead of emotional.
I’m just getting this off my chest. Better out than in, right?
I do appreciate this organization and the resources I can access. Thank you for your time.
The third part …very familiar to me. Frustrate me too.
If they really miss the most important and me not able to explain in a way they get it.
As a client, I think there needs to be a middle ground. I have experienced both extremes. One therapist overshared, telling me about our shared traumas. She told me she did this to built rapport. I found it disconcerting when she would say “so that’s another thing we share”. I knew more about her than I needed to know to move my therapy forward. I am now working with a therapist who shares very little. This is disconcerting in a different way: that she knows so much about me and I know so little about her. Asking is always good. And yes, clients who present feeling totally alone in the world, need to connect with the humanness of the therapist.
I checking in with myself for a split second, “am I regulated? Am I feel a sudden emotional trigger?” If the answer is yes, then I don’t self disclose as this is coming from a place of being self serving and the message will be conveyed incorrectly. If the answer is no, then I will touch on it with the client as I believe it is extremely helpful at times for clients to realise they are not alone. It is important here, I believe, to ensure the delivery of the self disclosure is on point. e.g.
brief
reflective
factual
I am happy to self disclose issues not of trauma, but techniques that are helpful. Lived experience in clinicians is real, and I think can help clients connect to us as humans having human experiences, which is technically the point of therapy.
Wonderfully shared experiential strategy! I would also add to be ready to be surprised. Sometimes we think this will never happen after years of practicing, but our own life journey brings us to new spaces all the time. Be educated about the oppression that some clients face every day in a world that seems dystopian because we don’t live in it.
Thank you. I do not disclose to clients. My clients have serious life issues. Disclosing would not be helpful to them and would confuse them. Especially for clients with identity or attachment issues.
I usually do not share about my personal life with anyone in the practice, including colleagues. I maintain my own personal support system apart from the practice. I keep my professional life separate from my personal life.
If clients are overwhelming, then I would consider referring them for additional support. Often, when I do that, they disclose they already have additional support. Or else, they confide they have been dismissed from treatment by other providers. When that is revealed, I will consult with colleagues if I should continue providing treatment. Often, the colleagues advise me to dismiss the clients because I have assisted them as far as they are able to benefit.
One reason I seek to learn more through NICABM is to learn to detect such extreme client needs before they become unmanageable.
I check in and ask myself if it’s possible for the self-disclosure to be helpful. If not, then I don’t share.
I love the “window” and being able to teach clients to practice being in their window or to pause the conversation.
I have my own grounding techniques which I use in the moment and sometimes disclose my shared experience. I also am glad of the reminder to ask the client how my sharing feels to them. I do think I forget that sometimes. I appreciated this short video. Thank you.
The proposal is a close dialogue with the client, in which the confidence of the specific emotion that I will share with him, recognizing my own difficulty and my reflection once I was able to solve it, will help the client to realize that he is having a conversation person to person, who like him has also gone through a similar overwhelming feeling. The client will feel understood and will have confidence in searching for their own personal resources.
Dulce Neri.
Phychologist and therapist
Yes, I like how he points out about asking our client how they feel about us sharing. Good to be reminded of grounding techniques. Thank you 🙂