Questions to Ask Clients Who Feel Stuck During the Pandemic

You might have a client who is feeling “stuck” and beginning to despair as the pandemic drags on.

And it can be difficult for them to see hope for the future when they feel bogged down in the present.

So in the video below, Lynn Lyons, LICSW, shares how she’s working with clients who feel stuck during this difficult time and provides a few specific questions that can shift their mindset toward change and growth.

Lynn works primarily with kids and young adults, but her questions could be helpful for clients of any age. You might also find this particularly useful if you have parents in your practice.

Have a look.

Click here for full transcript

“Ms. Lyons: One of the things that I am really targeting is that this is not permanent, and in my work, one of the things that I really talk about a lot and that I’m very adamant about is that when we are talking about mental health to young people, we have to stay away from the language of permanence. It is quite prevalent in their thinking about it; I really think the marketing and the language that they’ve learned about anxiety and depression has, for a good five to ten years, had this ring of permanence to it. So, now, I am really focusing on making sure that they know that their current feelings and their current situation and the situation of the world and what we’re dealing with are temporary. As soon as they get into this mindset that this is the way things are going to be, then, they take a pretty deep dive, so I’m really talking about malleability and the temporary nature of this. I’m talking about the fact that they are changeable, even though it feels like things are stuck and their lives has been put on pause for longer than most of us thought. It really is important for them to continue to look ahead and to even continue to think about the changes that they’ve made during this. There are several questions that I’ve been asking families to think about and to discuss. One is, “What did you discover about yourself during this lockdown, what new things have you learned about yourself during this, what are you proud about in your managing of this, what makes you feel proud, what is something that was really unexpected about this, either positive or negative, that you’ve come to understand in a better way?” I feel like all those questions are really about change and growth and fluidity and movement in this time in which people feel so stagnant. I want parents to ask their kids those questions. When I’m working with schools, those are the questions that I offer to be asked to the teenagers about when they’re coming back after this absence from being in school. This is so that we make sure that we’re doing the opposite of saying, “Oh, we’re never going to get out of this,” or, “There’s no purpose in me going to school because the world is in such a disarray,” or, “I can’t change that I can’t do anything to counter the heaviness and the “stuckness” that people are feeling. “

According to Lynn, steering the conversation away from the language of permanence is especially critical right now.

So now we’d like to hear from you. Do you have a client who is feeling stuck and despairing? How might they benefit from thinking through these questions? Let us know in the comments below.

You might also like to see:

When the COVID-19 Pandemic Leaves Us Feeling Helpless

A Creative Technique to Help Clients Face Fear

How Does Neuroplasticity Work? [Infographic

16 Comments

Tina B, , FL, USA says

Very relevant and helpful reframing that helps to stay away of the all-or-nothing, defeated thinking. Thank you for the clip.

Laura Sparks, Other, Nicholasville, KY, USA says

I’ve found that some of my young people are very aware of how the virus has impacted different groups in different ways, and the injustice of many systems in our world weigh heavily on them. One question I’ve used is What do you want things to look like when we get back to “normal” and how can you use this unique time to prepare for the work ahead?

Might not be useful for some, but one in particular has run with this question, and it’s been hopeful for me as I’ve watched the transformation!

Archontula Karameros, Psychotherapy says

I agree very much so, that it is very helpful to focus on it specially in front of children an teens not to resignate and to keep in that self-damaging position !!!
Archontula Karameros, Psychotherapie from Berlin in Germany

Susan Kyt, Social Work, CA says

This is useful so thank you! One thing I like to add is given that the covid experience will not last forever, and given the unique Covid restrictions are givng us, how would we use this opportunity? what do we want accomplish before this is over?

pablo olbap, Coach, UY says

my view is that we are not gonna be out of this any time soon… by “convincing ouserlves” things will be fine soon we are deceiving ourselves… any course of action needs a proper assesment of the actual situation…

Margaretca Rohan, Social Work, Yonkers, NY, USA says

Thank you your suggestions are really helpful.

Adriana Faiman, Social Work, CA, USA says

Great questions! I teach SEL curriculum at middle schools which I found to be a great therapeutic intervention. We are constantly evolving , and now I am working with students and teachers to begin sourcing new ideas to get out of where we are being stuck. It is always interesting to see the interplay between the emotional brain and the thinking brain and how we play a huge role into to walking others into a more resilient path.

Ari, Social Worker, Ca

- Anonymous, Social Work, Indianapolis, IN, USA says
  
  I’m interested in your comment and will look up the SEL curriculum…
  
Doug Barile, Marriage/Family Therapy, Ridgefield, CT, USA says

Thanks so much for saying this, Lynn. This is so important. Our whole insurance system and disease orientation results in pathologizing people, especially young people, and to internalize a feeling of inadequacy. And we reinforce this when we tell them they have depression or an anxiety disorder. Most of what kids experience is within a normal range, and it’s amazing how relieved they become and how effective it is when we normalize their experience and let them know it is temporary.

Maria Bran, RO says

I like this perspective! Thanks !

Denise, Clergy, USA says

Appreciate these questions and find them helpful for most of my people. Currently, I’m walking with a friend who is disabled (T6) from a two year old motorcycle accident. It is permanent. Some of the questions may still work however, her view is “this wheelchair is my future”.

- Sharone Collins, Coach, GB says
  
  I tuned in to the Compassion Summit held last week and this gem was probably stored so that I could share it with you. Perhaps you might help your friend to reframe her wheel chair as a source of freedom. Without it, might be confined to her four walls.
  
  I hope this helps
  
Patricia Simpson, Counseling, Lee, MA, USA says

I like the tools of inviting individual or connecting to other’s creativity as a way to move forward. This is where the lesson of looking back at past similar dilemmas for examples.

K Rees, Psychology, UZ says

I have been talking with young people about thinking about feelings in terms of ‘deep’ feelings, versus ‘shallow’ feelings, rather than positive and negative, or happy and sad. These ‘deep’ feelings may not always be positive but allow us to attribute greater meaning to our lives and to learn more about ourselves.

Anita Olsson, Psychotherapy, SE says

I work primarily with elderly.. and for many of them a condition, covid, sickness, tendency to forget, partners illness etc may not “go away.. I think we may also have to go inte Buddha´s question of what life is about and what life contains for a better life WITH all this.. and it may take a while — although be an offer to give maybe not to expect things to “get better” but to see life´s all sides, the love in being with your dying partner – and the sorrow.. without having all the time to dissociate.. very important – and also a growth for all of us.. thank you!!

- A. Gupta, Psychology, Atlanta , GA, USA says
  
  I found your reframe of being with all sides of life such a powerful reminder – to thrive and move forward not despite external circumstances but really in any circumstance… thank you for the reminder.

Please Leave A Comment Cancel reply

16 Comments