What can help clients keep their relationships strong even when they can’t get together with people they care about?
Bill O’Hanlon, LMFT has several strategies for fending off loneliness and building relationships during the pandemic. Have a listen.
Figure out some project that you love, some hobby and passion that maybe you could do with other people, whatever that may be. I actually live in Nashville part time, and I live in Santa Fe, New Mexico part time. When I’m in Nashville, I write songs and I live with three songwriters. Two of them are young, they’re twenty-five-year-olds, and one of them watches movies with her mother while they’re on the phone, and they talk about the movie through the whole movie, while they’re on the phone together. I’ve never done that in my life, but I think that’s a kind of clever thing to do – pick out your favorite movie or some movie that neither of you has seen and connect with somebody that way. My partner is a physician and she’s doing that physical distancing thing, but she has a standing appointment with someone where they walk together every week, and they decided to do their walk virtually. My partner was walking near our house and her friend was walking near her house, and they just chatted on the phone the whole time. It was a little different than their physical walks where they’re together, but they had a fantastic time, she just came back and told me how great it was. So, I think you need to be creative in figuring out ways to connect with people and/or meet new people to connect with, if you’re feeling very isolated and alone during this time.
The pandemic poses a lot of new challenges for relationships. But with some creativity, clients can keep enjoying quality time with friends and family alike.
What strategies have you found most helpful for clients who are feeling lonely because of social distancing? Please let us know with a comment below.
Many years ago, I would never have thought that virtual walking together is possible. It is very creative and unique idea of connecting with people. Technically it makes the once impossible… possible.
I work at Walgreens and people there doesn’t follow the social distance policy. And then they choose to argue with you
I believe social distancing is the best thing going right now due to the risk of the spread oF COVID 19 and with our black community being at a higher risk and others with health problems .
Yes, music is quite effective for our nervous system and glad you are writing music. MIght you do a performance for us to see how you have evolved in your new endeavors.
Really appreciated the walking and talking with a client. When we speak I often feel her need to express her walking in her area where she sees horses and other critters. As her anxiety increases, as it has been lately since we cannot meet face to face in a wonderful office on a marina, this will give her a chance to share her manderings, decrease her anxiety as the quarantine is still not fully lifted. Fear was evident at the onset of this pandemic due to a persons poor health issues. Thanks for the idea.
Guided Meditation: music with sounds of air, rain, nature, birds, flutes, violins, and pianos.
The positives of The Covid19 are there’s time to do some internal and external cleansing and just attribute to quaranting. Limiting or Eliminating Toxic Relationships are crucial to your longevity. Many of us have one person that comes to mind who we really question our sanity, for tolerating them-who you could say I could donate them to the Goodwill instantly!
And, perhaps two people, who don’t play the game of friendship, well; at all. They come with cloaks and daggers. Your bubbly, fizzy, positive and they’re “I’m not doing nothing for you” “I don’t care “, why not, I just spent a good 4> hours letting you vent, completeing some unique project now to listen to you tell me “you don’t care “.
After a session ends you have shortness of breath and need cascara sagrada.
As a matter of fact, they don’t possess the top 5 qualities of a Friend.
At this time it seems more than likely, we are all going to have some form of PTSD, anxiety, despair, curt/down right offensive behavior, anxious racing thoughts leading to suicide or murder. The changes in your heart rhythms. rate. The substitutions you implement daily are going to prevent your immune systems from weakening and turn on itself.
Redecorating a part of your home to make it more of a peaceful safe space—A Sanctuary instead of a showroom, might help too. Put some pillows on the floor. Yes, add a dimmer, candles, scented, burn incense or air wick, and I like Eucalyptus plants dried at Burlington or Ross makes the house smell sterilized and clean.
Colors for calming effects. Say thank you God and I hope you will bring us out of this situation alive.
Guided Meditation: music with sounds of air, rain, nature, birds, flutes, violins, and pianos.
The positives of The Covid19 are there’s time to do some internal and external cleansing and just attribute to quaranting. Limiting or Eliminating Toxic Relationships are crucial to your longevity. Many of us have one person that comes to mind who we really question our sanity, for tolerating them-who you could say I could donate them to the Goodwill instantly!
And, perhaps two people, who don’t play the game of friendship, well; at all. They come with cloaks and daggers. Your bubbly, fizzy, positive and they’re “I’m not doing nothing for you” “I don’t care “, why not, I just spent a good 4> hours letting you vent, completeing some unique project now to listen to you tell me “you don’t care “.
After a session ends you have shortness of breath and need cascara sagrada.
As a matter of fact, they don’t possess the top 5 qualities of a Friend.
At this time it seems more than likely, we are all going to have some form of PTSD, anxiety, despair, curt/down right offensive behavior, anxious racing thoughts leading to suicide or murder. The changes in your heart rhythms. rate. The substitutions you implement daily are going to prevent your immune systems from weakening and turn Tim itself.
Redecorating a part of your home to make it more of a peaceful safe space—A Sanctuary instead of a showroom, might help too. Put some pillows on the floor. Yes, add a dimmer, candles, scented, burn incense or air wick, and I like Eucalyptus plants dried at Burlington or Ross makes the house smell sterilized and clean.
Colors for calming effects. Say thank you God and I hopyou will bring us out of this situation alive.
I think the message here is a solid one. I was struck by the reference to how the single people who wanted to be in relationship were “fine looking.” I suspect it was off the cuff and at the same time I think this speaker could benefit from taking a look at what they might be implying.
I have found the Marco polo app to be of great use during the pandemic to connect with people!
Thanks Bill, keep the music coming! great to see your face and nice Dobro. Love to hear some of your lessons on spirituality and connection. This is certainly a time to resonate to the communal well-being that is happening locally and goes beyond borders yet holds us in each other’s grace and heartfelt mindful actions.
Larry Graber, MA, CBBP
Certified Body Psychotherapist
Thank you so much!! I am thinnking of a pssion and with whom I might do a project.
Claudia Crawford, MFT
Santa Barbara, CA 93101
Thank you for this tip! I now have clients working with class instructors and friends to form online hobby groups. Some are even creating gifts for our front line workers.
Now my counselling sessions are via skype and phone depending on what my clients are happy with. Recently a client asked me to meet them at the nearby beach and we sat two metres apart on the grass without touching at all during the session. We both took a take away coffee and she lay back looking up at the sky in the shade while I took notes, at times gazing out at the bright blue ocean which was like glass. We both enjoyed the session and even when a police drone circled over the beach and the grassed area, checking for social distancing, we felt safe and very comfortable. It is still hot here in Fremantle, West Australia. Eat your heart out!
I have encouraged some clients to join zoom classes in zumba, to learn a language, to join a book club, discussion groups, couch choirs and recently I joined the West Australian Opera company which is giving six weeks of private singing lessons online. Things we never thought to do before are bringing so much joy and companionship to us all. I just hope these continue after the Covid-19 has gone.
Chris
First I ask my clients what this has taught them. The answers are always epiphanies. Then I ask all what they plan to do or want to do when this tragedy is history. It helps them look forward and become more hopeful and buoyant.
I think these are 2 great questions Mary! It’s acknowledging of ‘what is’ but also coming from a solutions-focused perspective that is hopefully embedding resilience strategies.
Lyn C
Downunder
Sydney
Australia
My darling Japanese Mother in law, with cancer, was in a senior care center, and warding off loneliness by watching Fox tv. (!) So we as a family got an app called Slack, and had a family conference.
Our dear sister in law got the ball rolling, and now she’s at their house along with adult grandchildren. Everyone couldn’t be happier!
I strongly recommend the app Slack!
I am an r.n. in private practice in Alternative Medicine, recently moved back where i used to live for 20 yrs. Being a senior and totally alone which makes me sad and depressed. I had to leave after 3 years with a very abusive family, all of them. I have not heard from grown children and grandchildren for 8 years, even on holidays, there exist,chemical imbalances, addictions, toxic, dysfunctional and the “bad news” about what a terrible person I am spread about to the entire family. One was officially reported by several professionals. I will never opt to be back in those years of misery, But all my old friends have gone in different directions and after reaching out many times to reconnect and invite for holidays no one has responded. Many now days don’t seem to feel that it is important to connect or even send a text in response. I delivered Easter meals to 2 needy families, and still greeted all whom I knew by phone. I have always been very giving and reaching out continually. But i am sad and fight depression. Weeks and weeks pass without hearing from a soul. .
Dorothy, I’m sad to hear that you feel disconnected. I think it is wonderful that you are still reaching out and helping others during this time and it will be important for you to continue to do so. It is very hard to experience this level of loneliness. I hope that you feel that you are a friend to yourself. Often we forget that our relationship with ourself can be the most important one of all. The way you talk to yourself matters. Try using a positive viewpoint when you can.
I wish you the best and hope that you are able to find some peace during this very challenging time.
Waw, that sounds like a total reset! A complete start-over. What a courage. What made you choose that place to return to? Connections take time to grow. I wish you faith and patience to see the blossoms bloom of the seeds who have been planting. May your field of friendships be blossoming soon.
So many ways to make physical distancing and opportunity to be innovative, i.e. if there is something you have always wanted to do, but never had the time or freedom to follow through, now is the time to begin to do it. However, if you feel isolated unable to connect physically with others, I’d strongly recommend you get in touch with your inner self: Your subconscious,your best and truest always there friend who is wise, brilliant and powerful. It will help you use your time and energy and inner resources wisely when you go within and ask it for advice guidance etc. I teach my clients and Mind Mastery students how to dialog with their subconscious. They get insight awareness and understanding they would not get from even the closet friend outside of themselves.
Also getting together with friends and family for a meal is still possible.
Do it with Facetime, Google Duo, Skype. Set the date and time when to get togeher and put your phone or computer on the dining table or very close by and all enjoy lunch or dinner together. That sense of connection is very important.
There are so many ways to deal effectively with the distancing requirements. Most of all don’t distance from your personal powers and how to use them wisely.
Thank you very much. These are great ideas! Bill O’Hanlon has taught me a lot and this is clearly something we all can do. My loved ones are in Mexico and I have been talking to them by phone and also with WhatsApp and I have enjoyed it. I have reconnected with my niece. I will send some letters to them too. Thanks Bill and take care! Maria
Irene i am in full agreement and those already challenged are going to really need help.. There could be a movementf just online zoom connection calls between people and with a facilitator who connects the dialog within the group. like a group therapy session but not therapy – just connection. It could be publicized and made cool and sponsored through Dept of Health. if this goes on for a while, helping those without networks and having very strong reasons for being in that condition will become a public health problem.
Hi! Yes I’m a Peer Recovery Coach who will be offering Zoom Mental and Community Health Wellness sessions starting on 4/21. Please reach out for more information if interested. I can be reached at mrsyvette@intouchoutreach.org
317-550-6697
Great video. I like physical distance instead of social distance.
No one addresses what happens with already isolated people, with avoidant or disorganized attachments, with developmental trauma…
It could be the most difficult time of their journey. A step back to hell.
Irene i am in full agreement and those already challenged are going to really need help.. There could be a movementf just online zoom connection calls between people and with a facilitator who connects the dialog within the group. like a group therapy session but not therapy – just connection. It could be publicized and made cool and sponsored through Dept of Health. if this goes on for a while, helping those without networks and having very strong reasons for being in that condition will public health problem.
Yes I feel this video offers things for natural extraverts which many are already doing, but not really to meet the deeply alone/lonely who may feel there is no one to reach out to, or the prospect of doing so towards online strangers holds no comfort or meaning. Much deeper remedies are needed I think to address this existential condition. But I really appreciate all the content you offer the community. Many thanks.
In my experience, these people actually don’t feel worse because they are used to it and now, others share in their experience, making it less lonely somehow. If you see what I mean?
Non verbal people on the other hand, who might thrive by just being present, observing or by sharing something tactile, (horse back riding, dancing, playing a music instrument, sowing, baking,…) might be very drained by all the calling in which words are so important.
First of all, I think when we get the chance to ask them – many refuse to pick up the phone- we could check what kind of presence they enjoy. Then, we could see what creative ways they already considered, tried out to meet their need of connecting non-verbally. If need be, we could help them out with some suggestions of using the mail, pictures, neighbourhood volunteering,…
Good stuff very helpful info to provide to my clients!
Every Thursday at 3pm (pacific time) we have a zoom meeting where many share “how to be happy” It has been very uplifting.
Shelley Stockwell-Nicholas
Thank you . It’s lovely to see Bill’s joy. I’ve been doing creative writing with a friend via FaceTime. We throw out a seed word such as “potatoes” or “stone” or “roller skates”, put on a timer for 15 or 20 minutes and just write. Then we share what we wrote. It’s amazing what comes out, and each so different. This is a fun thing to do with a group, too. It not only gets the creative juices flowing, in the sharing we become more connected, learn about each other’s lives in ways we don’t in ordinary conversation.
Yesterday, we connected with old friends by Zoom from 10AM until 5PM, each of us doing our own art project called, “Soul Collage”. At times, we worked independently and quietly, at times we took personal calls. We also brought our laptops into our kitchens and cooked and ate lunch together. Many times during this process, I felt like our friends were truly in our home with us.
What a super idea! Happy that it worked, grateful that you shared ❣
Some really great ideas there! Thanks so much for sharing.
Probably my connection that I have already built has become more evident to them ( the silver lining) and using platforms like Zoom for them to meet with their friends and for those in 12 step fellowships to try these meetings. Also the importance of getting out to exercise and connect with nature.
Hello, social distancing in our household of two retired adults has been a great adventure. Video chatting is great with my two sons and grandkids and great grandkids. We set up a schedule to keep on top of things. Re-organizing closets and cupboards. Donations of cloths and kitchen items that haven’t been seen in years…..duplicate utensils and spring cleaning . When each task is done we celebrate by going for a walk, and coming home for naps, games ect.
Yes, we fell into a couple arguments early on and realized that we have to be more tolerant of each other…..we have a game pictionary and it takes us into laughing.
We set up drop in on line mindfulness meditation groups
People meet other people they would not have a chance of meeting otherwise as they live far away from each other.
It also good for us as we have to prepare the sessions.
I usually share sessions with another teacher
Thank you for your great supportive work
Catherine
Thank you that was really interesting. I started this week writing a letter with a fountain pen to a friend. I can then scan it and email it to them as they are in another country but I feel a different part of me is connected through physically writing something than it is when I type. Your advice was very helpful as I am social shielding for 3 months in the UK and do feel very alone at times.