When people have trouble paying attention, when they’re too emotional, or reactionary, or downright aggressive, what can we do to help them turn it around?
Perhaps too often, these behaviors are addressed with medication for ADHD or bipolar disorder.
But according to Bessel van der Kolk, MD, the problem (and the solution) may lie in knowing how to recognize the signs and symptoms of childhood trauma.
Bessel walks us through the major markers of this kind of trauma in this short video – check it out, it’s just 4 minutes.
Have you ever recognized any of these symptoms as potential childhood trauma? Please leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Excellent video, the reason for my comment is I cannot find a treatment center or outpatient program here in Los Angeles that accepts Medicare and or medicaid. The ones I did try retraumatized me and left me with no-one to counsel the trauma incident that my life was verbally threatened by another client. My CPTSD started 2 weeks before I was born and continued until I was 7 years old by my mother, 14 years old from my older only sister, hunted down and beaten up regularly by 2 peers in grades 1-4. Humiliated by teachers in front of my peers at school and Sunday school. Have ADD/ADHD, hyper-vigalence, bipolar, addiction, psycho-social problems, 40 jobs by age 35, always moving by 37. Now I am stable with an apartment of my own, a small budget, SSDI and section 8. However, do not have a life outside my apartment, except for shopping, a psychologist and a psychiatrist that has fell apart.. I was hoping you knew of resources here in Los Angeles. However, I have done my research and the few possibilities for IOP or PHP. I have tried and I am treated like the problems I have are due to the addiction. They do not care to know about the CPTSD because they are not educated, do not have the resources, and do not like the knowledge I share about CPTSD and the personal roots and reinforcements that at 57 are happening again with my long term relationship with both my PCP, and Psychiatrist. I do not know what to do. If you could help. I would appreciate all you do. Thank You. Respectfully, David Mendelsohn
Hi David,
Thank you for taking the time to write us. Unfortunately, we do not offer referrals, nor do we release any information about the practitioners who’ve participated in any of our trainings.
I can, however, recommend that you check out this database through Psychology Today.
Through this site, you’re able to search for therapists and support groups based on location, and filter through the results based on a variety of factors – specialties, approaches, and methods.
Alternatively, I would also recommend that you review some of our blogs or free materials and reach out to our community. Many times, both practitioners and patients will comment on our materials, which may help you with what you are looking for.
I am sorry I can’t be of further assistance, but I do hope this is a step in the right direction and helpful in finding the resources you need.
Yes. I recognize all of them. I’m 52 and frozen in life all of these years and dont know how to deal with my issues. Help please.
Yevette 928 710 9765
I don’t know what to say or do, 56 and of course I know I was sexually abused 5-18 by my biological father, I actually thought that once they where dead I would be ok. I have never been ok. I have been trying to make peace with myself and just accept myself and fake till you make has actually been far worse on myself than if I had explored my nightmares earlier on. Found this because I am having trouble with understanding, and speaking and a whole host of crap. I am just learning this, mental issues where not real in our family. Lol.
That’s that story of my life so deeply traumatised at 32 have become extremely disfunctional, I’m targeted constantly by people who abuse me on all levels, I’ve never had any balance, routine, or love in my life for over 15 years, family violence swept under rug, deeply affected by the health system in NZ narcissistic a abuse survivor, addict and human wanting a better life, and I’ve Been given zalipril5mg for my high blood pressure which has never been lower than 115/170 for the past 1 year,parxodine 20mg, undiagnosed cptsd, head trauma x 12, no scans or mri through acc concussion clinic,no therapy, no wonder there’s a high suicide rate in this country
Absolutely I have. Because I had an abusive childhood; from my mother’s emotional neglect, no attachment with her, I didn’t and even now, do not form attachments, but long for friends, it appears I repel people. This is so hurtful. I knew right away as I would see the same people everyday at a local park I took my beloved best friend, my dog, I decided to not try too hard, thinking that would be negative and setting myself up. I could go on and on. Now, with my father I do not remember any connection with him as a very young kiddo. When my older twin sisters moved out, then, my slightly older brother left, never to return, I was 10 years old, the time my father started his anger attacks against me daily, like clock work, 4:15pm every night my mother would “wait” on my father, dote over him as she served us dinner, I had to sit there while we ate. The verbal abuse went on until I was 18, at this time my dad told me I had to leave the house, move out, about 1 week before High School graduation. I remember as if it was regular news, no shock or fear, nothing. I’m sure I was numb, played everything off real good. I am older now, and it wasn’t until approximately 2-3 years ago that I realized through a vision from God, an impression, that I never ever grieved my childhood losses. I failed to launch, and now, older but young inside, I cannot tell you the complexities I suffer on a daily basis. I know I am intelligent, have lots of God given gifts inside me, I’m a hard worker when I was more consistent, meaning, I worked Monday through Friday. I am struggling to find a therapist that understands trauma,. Recently my insurance changed, so I’m hoping I will have some new options. Aside the fact that I have no close gal pals, what’s really difficult and wears me down, I’m struggling to find out what meaningful work to pursue. I have ideas, and want to discuss this with an unemployment non profit counselor. I do work part time. Along with that, I see how people are taken back by my immaturity, which I try and hide, wondering what my problem is. I’ll wrap this up, but one other point. Approximately 4 -5 years ago, God gave me 2 identical visions at different times, Very clear to me. At the time I was attending a weekly seminar type group with 2 Dr.s of psychology, I attended for 6 years. One of them was adamant about the importance of receiving attachment and connection with our childhood caregiver; mom. And a study that was performed on what happens when we don’t get needs met; eye contact, nurture, etc. Well the vision was, I was in my crib at 8-9 months old standing up crying to be picked up, my mother never came, twice I saw this identical vision. I gave up then from crying and waiting. I thank God He showed me this. That was the start of looking at my unmet needs, neglect and disconnection. My mother told me when I was in my 40’s, she never wanted children but my dad did, so she submitted, because she idealized him and made him out to be a god. What a screwed up mess this family was. On the outside we looked like something out of a Hallmark movie, but behind closed doors, it was a dungeon of darkness, fear and joylessness. I was very talented in grade school with activities, but never allowed to pursue them per my dad. Everything worth while was shot down, never to be talked about again. I could go on and on, but fear I would be abusing whoever reads this email. Thank you so much for listening.
Jane De Vries
jndevries2@gmail.com
My gosh reading your comment was like reading a lot from my life 😢
I’m in Ireland, but if you ever want to chat about our similar situations over messaging, I’d like that…
Either way I’m sending love your way 💕 and I really hope you can get the chance of proper help to heal and have the best life possible from here on out, like I’m hoping for myself 🥰
All the best, Heidi Nolan
heidznolan@gmail.com
This is something I can totally relate and thanks for writing your story. To me, finding the answer in God has been an ongoing search that I still find it hard to rest on. Past years have been challenging and my depression hasn’t been improved much with all the counseling support. In my soul searching, I haven’t convinced myself that my past childhood trauma can be justified nor completely explain. Only by professionals in the way Dr. Van Der Volk explains in his video. Clearly, the unmet needs, and attachment can be difficult to recover or met in later life. I felt the same lack in nurturance as a child. Left by my parents, I have only seen twice may be four times, it left me with a “hole” that has never been fullfilled. I am married and have children, and it isn’t enough to the point I have learned to compensate those needs with beliefs in gratifications. It is recently that I have felt that I could find in others the attraction for the nurturance that I have lacked and that now I know it is in me and can give to others. It hasn’t been without consequences. My therapist has found that can be dealt with by working on the interpersonal relationship in a safe contextual situation using role play, identification, awareness and I have found myself with new challenges as I have been for a long time very self-conscious in social setting this hasn’t help in anyway. Like you said, to wrap this up, our childhood can have such an impact on us and the societal pressure to comply to the standards have only make it harder to live with. Regardless, should it be as seen as a “default” set from birth and need bear in mind that life isn’t perfect in anyway and that that ‘s part of growing in pain into adulthood. Thanks.
I did not know until I started seeing one therapist that I had complex PTSD. After he left the state, I had no options for a therapist. The clinic where I went afterward had me diagnosed ad having PTSD, but it was later changed without my knowledge. I was told that they would not treat me for anything else but depression even though I told them.and knew I was not depressed. I had severe anxiety periodically, and the Sx mentioned in the video. I was told that they would not even discuss why I thought I had PTSD and thst the nature of my treatment was not my concern. Everything they did only made me more angry and insecure. I tried some of the meds they prescribed but they only increased my stress, gave me severe beaches and nausea, raise d my BP so high My nurse sent me to the ER by EMS.
Things have gotten worse since my assistance dog was stabbed to death by a local meth addict who.was high at the time.
I read about stuff like this and do my best to help myself and advocate for my own care. I get several BP meds that are actually very helpful. I take a low dose tricyclic for a sleep disorder. I also need to manage CFIDS as well, and have to deal with dysautonomia, and the symptoms are far worse in the heat of the summer. Life is very difficult but I take appropriate medications, use my few social supports, and do not use legal or illegal drugs.
It makes me very sad that no one believes me even though there is a lot of medical.documentation that would prove my point. Providers simply refuse to look or consider another more helpful perspective because they do not want to “validate” me.
I am frustrated and do not feel there is an IOP program here in Los Angeles that can help me start the process and move it along so I have something to hold onto in my life. I became hospitalized for a mental breakdown/ illegal drug use in 1995. My life was a disaster to say the least. After many hospitalizations and iop programs in south florida where I am from I was advised to do a geographic because my family dynamics was the major factor i had to resolve first. I only knew I was abused by my caregivers prior to birth, and until I was 8 by one and from age 4-13 by another, as well as 2 of my peers, teachers and even my elementary school principal. I found a program in Los angeles and in 11/1999 I made the journey. Immediately I was challenged by the psychiatrist because the psych meds were putting me out and it just got worse until I said no more. My life has gotten much better here, and I have my own apartment since 2000. I have attempted to work but fail when the ptsd reaction to relations and authority figures comes into play. However, i still have not processed the trauma with a therapist, in fact they invalidate and show no support to come to terms. I have medicare and medical but need a one on one therapist in order to sty in any iop program. However, when i talk about the the addiction I have found no support there either. in fact 1 program after the assessment for the iop program decided against my admission. Then i went to there detox and had it all arranged, went there and again I was turned away. I know the IOP program I know will take me but knowing i have a weekly therapist in order to stop my flight response which is very strong but. i cannot be without one. I have a few close friends, 1 best friend, my community, my apartment and i pay my utilities every month with just enough left over for food, toiletries, cat food, otc products. But i am home all the time. I want to go back to work but that is not going to happen until I start with this first. I do not have a psychiatrist now and my pcp is prescribing. i hope someone has a referral or services I can obtain here in Los Angeles i can obtain, but i have exhausted all resources and state and county services do not have anything on or about this. in fact they will follow the medication protocol to give me more meds than i take already. well i tried again and I know it will happen this year. Thanks. All of your articles, videos and the traumacenter.org in MA are excellent. It is just such a shame there is nothing for adult survivors.
Leave it to a social worker to be unable to distinguish between hyperarousal, affect dysregulation, and mania/hypomania! Like sending a dental hygienist to do oral surgery. When it comes to efficacy in treatment, clinical practice lags behind research because most so-called clinicians should probably be wearing clown suits.
Anyone in my area who was actually educated and trained to do mental health counseling / psychotherapy is lucky to find work because they are often bullied by those with social work degrees. We think we have come so far in addressing and treating mental illness, and the very fundamental area of accurate diagnosis still eludes us for the most part. I had my fill of working among those who thought it was a competition or a popularity contest, and somewhere our client’s welfare just got lost. This just reminds me of all this and why after all those years of education and just starting a new career I decided to go back to freelance illustration. I loved what I did, even the grinding away and the challenges just made me more determined. My dream.was toncontinuecworking in the VA system, and possibly moving up to white River Junction, Vermont.
It still excites me to follow any new and useful discoveries as my education at the very least transformed my life. And it did change how I look at and understand what goes on around me even though I do not use any of it “doing therapy”.
I am a CPS social worker so I work with a lot of children and parents that have experienced significant trauma. I have seen many teenagers and adults who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder when it doesn’t seem appropriate and their medication regimen doesn’t work. I have a very close friend who has been diagnosed with Bipolar II and ADHD. I’ve never seen him have a manic episode although he does experience very deep depression and he does obsess and get hijacked by emotional disregulation to such a degree that he has self-admitted to the hospital for suicidal ideation, but I’ve never bought the Bipolar II diagnosis. I think it’s due to untreated early childhood trauma. I’m trying to encourage him to seek out trauma-based therapy because i think that would help him tremendously. I think if we don’t really start paying attention to trauma-based therapy and understanding the impact of trauma on the body and the brain we are going to have a lot of people who are inappropriately medicated and still emotionally tormented and that’s a tragedy!
That’s an interesting comment, about how you may begin to try to please everyone. I remeber my younger sis stopped eating as a small kid, found some old letters whcih say it happened when Dad took on caring for Gran, in dementia all the time I knew her, we resented her, as she took up all our parents’ time, and she could be horridly nasty, demanding. My sis loved helping people, she married a very manipulative husband, who was adopted and very unhappy with life, he’s taken her away from her family and friends, I haven’t seen her for 4yrs. was she so traumatised by Gran’s time with us, did she give in to that man, trying to please him?
Hi! I have a traumatic childhood. I realize a couple years ago after I know that I am suffering from PTSD. When I was a child, I experienced a child abused. It gave a bad effect on my physical health. Now, I am suffering PTSD, and it is more dangerous because I am now 23 years old. I lost my scholarship. I lost graduate candidate. Now I am so miserable. So I just want to say that ACEs is a big deal for a future of the child. Please be kind to the child. Raise them all with love and kindness. I write my story here because I think the best and inexpensive medicine is a word.
yes in my daughter i can see sometimes problems during the game because she doesn’t want to play alone but she is eight years old. Also I think she probably doesn’t want make a story using immagination.
I note that I am an INFJ on myers briggs, which is the least common type – when I was 3 or 4 I couldnt mix at childrens parties, and stood on the edge feeling foolish and pathetic, this continued in kindergarden and the early grades in primary school – I felt worse and worse about myself telling a story I was weak pathetic gutless and this was backed by very powerful negative emotions made worse by the occasional bullying comment – I am pretty sure that bullying comments at that time raised the painful feelings to the level of ptsd – which I personally understand as overwhelmingly threatening circumstances beyond the persons ability to cope – remember I was only a small child – for me at that time the circumstances and my interpretation of them and the feelings produced reached that level. The trauma was always there ‘dormant’ in the background from then on (not really dormant, but constantly watchful and churning in the background) but always ready to be overwhelmingly activated by threatening events. As this happened at age say 4 to 10 I think it also interacted whith my normal development as a growing child polluting my ‘identity’ as a person/the lense through which I saw myself and the world in a very negative way. I found it shameful (in I note a society that values ‘toughness’) and tried to hide it and deal with it myself – I am 59 now and found that this approach eventually led to so much unfortunate misunderstanding/judgement from others that it came to a head three years ago when I lost my job/life long friends/most of my family (since circumstances grew beyond my capacity to deal with in the old way of hiding my problem and dealing with it myself and I was pushed beyong what I was able to cope with and forced in very difficult circumstances to try and explain myself – after so much secrecy ect they could not deal with it). I do identify with the symptoms in the article. I think the really challenging thing is that udniagnosed childhood ptsd can easily be misunderstood by the child itself, and by ‘toughness’ valueing others as weakness, leading to secrecy and fobbing off. Not treated I think as in my case the initial problem has a chain reaction into other worse problems. I have really battled with this most of my life, have never had a relationship with the opposite sex, have unintentionally caused terrible pain to those close to me and felt terribly let down myself, I have not to date been able to come close to living up to my potential.
Yes, I was in many (18) foster care homes before I turned 3. My adoptive parents divorced, and I was adopted by a new Dad, who I think resented me, but wanted to marry my adoptive Mother. His son in law and son both imposed sexual interference, the one when I was about 5 and the other when I was 14. The latter, made me verified that I was not a true family member, but the first I didn’t even remember until I had vivid colorful flashbacks, when trying to deal with my depression in my mid to late twenties. I have been in several intimate relationships and 3 were abusive, one extremely violent. I have anxiety and depression alot and opt for medical support when necessary ( every 3-5 years) I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in my thirties and had a wonderful psychiatrist, who supported me and it helped until he retired,..For a few years. Now, I don’t manage as well as I know that I can, and it is frustrating. I have never self medicated with alcohol or street drugs, as I don’t believe in that, my life is hard enough. The anxiety is so bad that I get chest pain sometimes, and I quit my high stress job 2years ago (construction safety officer) because I want to be a happier person and better parent. I am a single/only parent of my 11 yr old granddaughter.
I feel I meet the childhood trauma criteria because I do not forgive people once they hurt me and do me wrong! I try to justify my behavior because I was the only girl for eight years until my little sister was born and my life changed because of her. However, now that I am a grown adult and do not have to live the past that I went through when I was a child. I am the one who is sabotaging myself with the criticizing I had growing up and do not know how to stop the sabotaging and letting the past affect my relationships with other people. Please, help me to better myself and the future. I constantly feel like everythi!ng is my fault and as long as I am doing what others want everything will be ok. When I speak up for myself, people put me down, and I am a Bitch or selfish. I am a caring and loving person. However, when someone that I trust and love, breaks that trust, I do not want anything to do with them because if they do it once, they will think they can do it again. Watching the video has opened my eyes to what I have been doing to myself and wanted to spend the rest of my life Happy, Healthy, and Free of Sabotaging myself because of other people.
So many children are diagnosed with ADHD and adults with bipolar disorder when the correct diagnosis should be PTSD. Patients referred to me are most often diagnosed with depression or anxiety by their referring GP but never or rarely PTSD. As a consequence they do not receive the proper treatment. This really needs to be raised to professional awareness. Too many people suffer needlessly for years.
Maxine Blackburn
Clinical Psychologist
It is absolutely true and it gives a bad effect on the quality of their life. The are suffering to battle from this mental illness. Maybe in the US or other advanced countries, they still can afford a good therapy and medicine, but how about in the emerging country?
Both my father and my step father were 100% disabled from PTSD after serving in Vietnam. In some ways this forced me to hypervigilant. I believe that 2nd generation PTSD is real.
I was not diagnosed with ADD in elementary school. I was in the talented and gifted program. I exhibited a lot of hyperfocus learning to read at age 3 and eventually spending most of my time in school reading and drawing. The biggest thing was I ignored other kids who were into team sports.
In 5th grade, while reading out on the playfield I was attacked by 18 boys who had been playing baseball, both sides. I was not hurt badly though and was able to defend myself. However having to ramp up to physically defend myself traumatized me. It essentially put me in a combat situation as a child. I was substantially bigger than the other kids. I was also more empathic.
What arose out of that situation was a change from being quiet to saying what was on my mind no matter what. I was a young mathematician and from then on I was going to call people on it when they seemed stupid.
Skipping forward to High School, I was attacked by my stepfather, an ex army ranger with PTSD. Because I am a large person I was able to defend myself. I demonstrated hysterical strength and threw a man who was over six feet tall around like he was a child. Finding out that you are able to fight is not a joy it is the saddest thing imaginable.
I am convinced that these two events led to the development of ADD and Bipolar symptoms.
In college, although I demonstrated a gift for mathematics and computer programming, I got in trouble because I would argue with my mathematics teachers and try to prove them wrong. The science professors were terrified of me. Although I worked at the University it took me over 2 decades to get my mathematics and computer science degree.
Part of the problem was hyperfocus, I did fine in classes where I was able to complete the material at my own rate, which was usually a few weeks.
The sad thing about ADD and hypomania is that it leads to the development of wild talents that tick everyone off.
The way my brain works I start at the beginning and the end at the same time and work them in parallel until the meet in the middle. When you visualize yourself at the end of a project and work backward it is analysis rather than synthesis.
I am a kind person who was treated unkindly and who had a talent for symbolic reasoning. I ended up being a software engineer instead of a mathematics professor like I’d dreamed.
I was diagnosed in my mid 20’s with PTSD,BPD and type 2 Bipolar but high functioning. For close to 7 years I was severely over medicated.n Because I asked so many questions about the medication They where prescribing me. I kept telling the pysch’s that I needed to learn tools that would help me cope with the memories that were all starting to flood my brain. After countless forms of therapy. CBT an DBT i found the most helpful. Now at 46 I have started working agin and plan to go to University this year to do my Bachelor of Science (nursing) and an extra year to specialize in mental health. I have been medication free for almost 8 years. But by following the therapy and realising when I need to go back from time to time. I have gained valuable insight into my illnesses and how to un learn bad behaviour and re learning healthy behaviours. I still fall into old behaviour habbits from time to time. But being mindful and working on it daily. I’m finaly seeing the benefits of all that ongoing work.
My professional experience has been that so many children are diagnosed with ADHD who in fact are survivors of childhood trauma. These children’s presentations may appear quite similar to ADHD (attention issues, restlessness, etc); however, the root of these behaviors is so very different. ADHD treatments have not worked for these kiddos and we wonder why….
I have been curious as I have been following these web-teachings;
whta , other than the obvious, defines trauma?
It’s obvious that physical abuse and sexual abuse do. But are there other sorts of events or experiences that a child might find traumatic?
Can different children/ people have a different response to these events where some feel something as more traumatic than others?
I think that for me multiple (18) foster care homes were traumatic because of the chronic separation, bond malformations combined with the sense of compounded loss added up to trauma for me. But they all happened before I was about 3. I didn’t even remember, but my adoptive Mom told me in my late forties, because I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t overcome my anxiety and depression
I am in therapy and recognise all of these symptoms. Over the years I have been diagnosed as ADHD, Bipolar, BPD and PTSD. I did a year of DBT which really helped me regulate my emotions, manage my distress & develop some control over my self talk. I am currently in a trauma group & my recovery has been profound. Through therapy I have started to process & recognise the trauma in my childhood and it has been liberating. I had no idea how damaged I was. This stuff resonates for me totally & I encourage all practioners to look at this therapy – it works & it empowers the client. I am testimony to that.
These ideas are nothing new. The highly emotional person, the bully, the person with some sort of addiction; it is apparent that something happened in the early formative years. Otherwise, the person would be well-adjusted and regulate their emotions easier and get back to homeostasis, wouldn’t be a bully, wouldn’t have an addiction, etc.
but if it has been that obvious then why are some of these kids being treated medically with diagnosoes that do not reflect the trauma?
I agree it’s not new, except in the medical industry/ system.
I think that pertinent information is sometimes unknown,.. for instance, I didn’t know until my late forties, that I had been in 18 foster homes, therefore was unable to report as such to my adulthood physician when seeking help for anxiety and depression.
As someone who has often been described as aloof, I recognized a long time ago this was a result of my childhood. What I learned is that no one, including myself can be trusted. For me, this has been the most difficult early lesson to undo. The good news is that despite the way I am perceived I have been able to build warn-hearted, close relationships with people who see beyond their first impressions.
This is me, now mu sons.How do we help my children?My son is also gifted, meaning extremely bright and creative empathetic, high I Q.Schools label him adhd, however, I know differently. I know his fears, his anxiety and what has happened to him.I saw this in my younger son, who eventually became physically sick.Finding good treatment and competent help is expensive and most insurance will not cover it.I am a single mom, on public assistance currently.So, how does one get help? I, was sexual abused as a child, it went on for years , I have lived with anxiety, often so crippling.Was anorexic for many years and unable to concentrate.
I’ve attended a co-dependency class. It has helped me stop helping people. I feel like I still need help. My parents both worked. I went from playing in a play house to taking care of my mother’s house. Babysitting my younger brother and sister. Cleaning the house as a teenager. Then my mother complained to me about everyone. I often felt angry and overwhelmed. I had no one to talk to. I was left alone for long periods of time. I was not parented. Eating and spending has been my coping mechanism. I am finally controlling my spending and eating. I like art but was never encouraged to paint. I can’t seem to get started. I have the time and the supplies.
This makes so much sense. I thought of my need to please as a coping skill caused by emotional insecurity and childhood instability issues but I did not think of my oversized deep emotions as coming from childhood trauma. I thought of them as my personality gifts and challenges. Very insightful. Thank you for this perspective and new clarity. Managing deep emotions has been a lifelong journey. Please recommend new tools to practice. Kind regards and gratitude for this video and shared knowledge.
I am 74 and after years of therapy ,
and after being cured of severe bulimia, having a good marriage
of 54 years, children grandkids I still awake every morning in emotional pain and panic.
I have times of feeling totally abandoned despite good relationships.
So yes there r scars from being beaten, emotionally abused and sexually abused ( altho I don’t
remember and may never remember what was done)
I would really appreciate some counsel; if someone has some to offer. I grew up in an abusive and dysfunctional home where my father hit us hard and randomly as discipline and our mother ignored the problem. My parents used most of their time to fight with one another about one thing or the other. We used a lot of our time in the home begging our mother for some positive attention. By the time I was 18 years old, I was desperate to leave the home, go out into the world and find some “true love”. Of course, when I found my way out into the world as a poor, formally abused young woman, I discovered finding the “parental” love I so longed for was impossible. Even though I developed into a very talented, active dance artist, my mother came to ONLY one concert in my 20 year career. My father came to none. My mother lives only an hour and half away from the city in which I work. She NEVER inquires about my life, but only sends me x-mas cards describing hers. My father died. My mother continues to ignore me. When I became very ill in my thirties with epilepsy, she sent me a hallmark get well card, inquiring no further than that. When I published a book about my experience with illness, she read it and only responded that my childhood abuse “wasn’t that bad”. My mother as literally come to visit me in my home for one afternoon in 29 years. I desperately long for parental love. How does someone let go of that need without self-destructing. Her passive-aggressive dismissals hurt so badly. Realizing that I will never have parental love, makes living longer seem worthless. How does someone release themselves from this need? If someone has some counsel, write me at hollyeckert@hotmail.com. Thank you.
I work with children who have been effected by some of the most horrendous early childhood abuse and some times in infancy. ASD processing of trauma is even more difficult especially cognitively impaired children with ASD and have been sexually traumatized. When they’re affect is different and their recovery is glacier and their proceeding therapeutically is different. I am not surprised as the way ASD affects emotional processing is intrinsically different. I am still wondering how to effect a positive outcome and relief for these children when this process of trauma is so different?
Totally. This is material I work with in my everyday practice. Just wrote an article about resistance and unresolved trauma and stuckness in the body and how to work with it sensorially.
Irene.
I dont agree with the comments about genetic vulnerability. The epigenetic phenonemon is more realistic as is the love world which we are just getting into clinically!! We have 6 children!
I also do not agree on genetic predisposition. It presumes the traumatized person has a inherent “character weakness” which is very insulting. The socalled weakness is only the empathic nature of the person whose empathy is misused by abusers who cannot process bad feeelings about themselves so they project them on the most empathic family member: the scapegoat who bears all the family’s guilt and shame.
The mental health servies focusses only on superficious signs and symptoms instead on why these symptoms were developed in the first place in severly abusive situations. They tend to turn around cause and effect (not very scientific!) and are constantly fingerpointing at the socalled defective
“chemical imbalances” in the patients head. Fact is that chemical imbalances in one’s brain cannot be measured objectively by biologic testing such as X-rays or bloodtesting. Not to mention there are also no reference values. The term is invented and spread among clinician’s through aggresive marketing campigns by big Parma to promote excessive drug-use whose only goal is to gain profit money.
Diagnosing severly abused patients with a laundry list of “mental disorders” is equal to pathalogizing the patients coping-stategies to survive trauma and abuse and this “treatment” is in itself very abusive. Medicating away the symptoms of “disaese” does not address the cause of the probleem. Eventually long-term meditation makes the problems worse by flattening the extreme emotions caused by anger on injustice while these feelings are needed in therapy to be processed (vs. just telling about trauma in sessions which causes emotional flashbacks or dissociation which are in turn easily
be misinterpreted by the psychiatrist as bipolar, ADHD, multiple personality disorders or autism). Autism diagnosis in traumatized patiënts is severly damaging because the psychiatrist assumes that the person can not distingiush the “good intentions” of family abusers while abuse only finds place behind closed doors. So, who would believe the victim? Not the psychiatrist who says “The abuse is only in your head”.
My own story included childhood visual disability abuse and neglect, sexual abuse, financial and economic abuse, psychological abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse due to the dependent position caused by my disability. No escape possible.
Psychiatry uses mental diagnoses to strip me of my human rights by stating that I had “no disease-insight”. Every psychiatrist walks away with that statement. By suggesting that I already had a life-long mental disease with birth that needs to be treated the rest of my life (before my 40th birthday, before my first encounter with psychiatry I had functioned well although I had some anxiety issues and probleem with intimate relationships). Congratulations and thanks you doctor!! I became a socalled life-time patiënt and guess who is going to profit from this? The psychiatrist himself!! That is why mental health illnesses become the worldwide epidemic. Mass mind control by dangerous psychotropic drugging (with delibitating side-effects) the population while the roots cause of the trauma’s are totally ignored. That is not in their interest at all.
I am a medical biologist who examined effect and side-effects of medicine’s in clinics trials and discovered the massieve fraud excecuted by big Pharma and phycisians who are being payed to cover up negatieve outcomes of clinical trials. That is the reason why I am supporting trauma-informed care instead of blind use of the medical/biological model which is becoming highly populair in phychiatry because psychiatrist want to be acknoledged by the rest of the medical professionals as “real doctors”. But real doctors do not use coercive trsatment against a patients will. This treatment only retraumatizes already traumatized patients and they only idee the resulting exacerbation of the “illness” as argument that the patiënt is realy “severly mentally ill” and sometimes they use forced instititionalization as a tool die gaan power and control over a pagina’s life which oily worden the symptoms. Trauma-informed care schould focus on rrestoring pagina’s autonomy, power and controle over one’s own life instead on taking it away. Understanding, validation and support should be the focus. EMPATHIE IS THE MIRACLE WORD IN THERAPY!!!
Sorry for the language mistakes. I live in another country so my written words are being automatically rewritten in my mother’s language. I hope the message is clean.
I have ben mentoring young men at a level 6 youth prison for almost 2 years now and you can see it in their eyes the hunger for someone to talk to that they can trust to tell them the truth and give them guidance without expecting anything in return. Every young man has gone through some type of trauma (or abuse for us laymen) that has been physical, sexual, mental hurt, neglect or avoidance, and abandonment.
These young men have face basic survival requirements either real or as perception in their view which has driven them to do the things that have gotten them incarcerated. Lack of core family and family instruction or attention has never been available to most of the young men. It is heartbreaking to hear their stories most of the time.
Interesting
This was very informative, thank you.
As a trauma survivor the path to wholeness has been as many have talked about here, self help programs, therapy along with stress eating, distractive patterns and in some areas control to feel safe. I do believe that there is a way to move beyond these developed patterns of survival. Dr. Bruce Lipton talks about the influence we have on our DNA therefore not having to ‘cope’ with these patterns for life.
There is also most effective energy modalities that address the DNA and cellular memory that invites an new way of responding to life. I am a practitioner of one of these modalities and do see paradigm shifts in people with their live and attitudes.
There is hope. Thank you for this discussion.
Children of military pow’s who are loving parents also have untouched trauma, ie they respond in kind to the parents traumatic experiences, without knowing the root cause for their own difficulties. It will be interesting to know what the children of today’s military offspring bring with them as far as antisocial or dis-associative behavior.
Primal Therapy was useful in the 1970’s to allow young people to express their pain even though they did not realize they were in pain. They were encouraged to scream and yell at the ‘top’ of their lungs to expel their pains and poisons, permitting them the luxury of losing control in a safe space. For some, losing control was their greatest fear, they were in terror of what damage they would wreak, if and when they in fact, did lose control.
In urban schools, such as Chicago, a significant number of the children have been traumatized, without diagnosis or intervention. Unfortunately, this leads to massive disruption of classrooms, which interferes with not only the learning of the traumatized child, but the learning of all children in the classroom that becomes disrupted by behavioral problems.
Thank you for this discussion. I am a survivor of childhood trauma which manifested itself in attention deficit, depression & anxiety. I was medicated for 20 years for depression/anxiety, and given a bipolar diagnosis about 12 years ago. I had devasting substance abuse issues, and ultimately lost my marriage and custody of my two children 3.5 years ago. I got sober and had to learn to become an advocate for myself. I became a Holistic Health Practitioner, established a new home, gained custody of my children, and started a business. A few months ago, I had a debilitating episode where the past trauma was triggered. I connected with a friend who was going through Somatic Experience Trauma Training, and suddenly I began seeing the messages of trauma everywhere. I watched a recovery conference and the first presenter was a Doctor who specialized in trauma as an underlying cause of addiction. I began reading a books on the topic, and today I open an email and see this! As I search for my purpose here, I am reassured by all the signs that I am on the right path. The journey is unfolding in a way that I could have never imagined. I am here, I am sober, I am grateful, and I have survived for a reason. I look forward to what lies ahead.
I was sexually abused from 3 1/2 to 11 by family members – (1 male & 1 female). I was quite introverted & quiet when younger – never acted out. Thought if I could control my life nothing bad would happen. 2 marriages 2 children 2 divorces. Lots of personal growth courses since I turned 50, I’m quite impatient especially with myself, this year really getting to bottom of my trauma – originally rejected by my father whilst still I the womb. Was overprotective towards my children, afraid for them. Learned to let go and let them live own lives. Learning what MY values are since 2nd divorce 6 years ago. Peace and serenity, my spirituality more important than money. Healing nicely. Interesting article. Emotional eater to the point of making myself feel sick. I don’t purge or cut, but have taken stupid risks in the past.
Sure, then you uncover the childhood trauma. But really where do you go from there. All sense of your “normal” life is not what happened. . As i was able to cover it up for 45 years! Now what? ?
You breathe…
Right here right now you are safe.
What happened, happened.
It is not happening now.
Today you carry wounds and scars from the trauma.
Your job now is to slowly, gently heal those wounds.
One step at a time.
Search out a good therapist that ‘gets it’ (can be more challenging than you think – don’t stay with someone just because you feel guilty for leaving).
It’s ok to interview therapists, ask them what modalities are their ‘go to’ it needs to be the right fit.
I am not a fan of ‘pure’ CBT – but that does not mean it won’t be the right fit for you.
Look into therapists that do the following – Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, Mindfulness, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Resource Therapy – these therapies changed my life.
Australian Bushflower Essences – amazing.
Learn about them yourself, some you will be able to do for yourself, some will need to be done with support.
Have a good journey 🙂
Kind regards
Elly
Bravo, Ellie 🙂
This is what I have though would be useful as well and it isn’t easy to find the perfect fit with a therapist with a goal for your particular problem. C-PTSD, depression, DBT seem to be the solutions, to some clients I agree. This is very helpful. I would learn more about the Australian Bushflower Essences that looks quite interesting.
I agree with him as I have seen the results of childhood cumulative trauma many times. Self regulation and calming techniques are very helpful.
Thank you
Raises the question of differential diagnosis. When is it ADHD and when is it CPTSD? Yes?
I agree and appreciate Dr. Van der Kolk being so clear. I would add another addiction I often find in my practice; is sexual addiction. Clients use this in order to numb out from this painful dysregulated state.
Now you didn’t address major role of genetics, & as clinician I thought everything was cognitive behaviorally based until I had children. If you’ve never had your own you won’t get it, I didn’t. But by watching my own kids from infants on they not only resemble us on outside but they r full of our DNA which you know is not changeable. Now I stil am cognitive behavioral oriented but some behavior is genetically linked. I believe EMDR is great for trauma. But kids do follow genetic path as well like for breast cancer, addictions, major depression, autism. Just like all theories we r guessing still & doesn’t help that founder of psychology was addicted to cocaine & obsessed with women’s sexuality. Sad but true.
DNA – ‘you know is not changeable’
Umm… do some research, you will discover that is not the case, environment can and does impact DNA, medication/drugs does… and the list goes on.
Please.. look further, nothing about us is limited to any one thing…
We are all living with a complicated interaction between nature/nurture which can swing from day to day, year to year, country to country, society… on and on all influence the manifestation of our ‘DNA’.
I do agree that hanging out with your own flesh and blood does add to our development as therapists. Does not mean it can’t be learned nor experienced any other way though. Different, not less or more.
I totally agree in that “symptoms” are creative adaptations of the self to unbearable lived experiences. Adaptations could take dysfunctional forms but are always attempts to survive and stabilize. Practitioners must have the right tools to identify and intervene to prevent snowballing of symptoms. Thanks for this clarifying information.
yea, it sems clear to me!
Yea, it sems clearly to me
A big thank you to you and your associates who are helping free us from the tyranny of the DSM’s outmoded diagnostic constructs. I trained as a neurofeedback practitioner a year ago, thanks to a Wednesday night program you had in 2014. With NFB I can treat people with developmental trauma, people who are slightly neuro-atypical in hard-to-define ways, without always referring them for pharmacology. And yes, I recognize the symptoms you discuss on an ongoing basis as what happens when the brain does not differentiate or integrate optimally because of chronic early stress. Interestingly, the same NFB protocol can be helpful for people with early trauma and people on the autism spectrum.
–Sister Katherine
Dr. Ruth and Dr. Bessel V. D. Kolk,
Since 2008 that I have been doing documentaries and interviewing specialist, and parents that have had their children, diagnosed and put on treatment by some practitioners. It is obvious that what has been laid out in this video was not followed in many of the cases where treatment was prescribed.
This is why it is always good to get a second opinion, and if one practitioner, feels unsure, one should collaborate with another, before prescribing treatment for children. When treatment is implemented, and it is wrong the damage done may be too severe to rectify.
Thank you for pointing out these traumas and what they mean, because when they are undiagnosed as you pointed out so clearly, irreparable damage can be done because of the incorrect treatment given.
I always enjoy the presentations.
Ricardo F.