Caring for someone with PTSD can sometimes lead to secondary trauma.
And researchers at the University of Utah wondered just how bad that secondary trauma could be.
While completing her graduate studies, Catherine Caska Wallace, PhD and her research team studied two groups of male veterans, along with their female partners. In 32 couples, the veterans suffered from PTSD, and in the control group of 33 couples, PTSD wasn’t a factor.
The veterans in both groups had been deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan at least once in the past decade.
After the researchers interviewed the couples to measure PTSD, depression, marital satisfaction, and areas of disagreement, they asked the couples to undergo a brief experiment.
Researchers asked each couple to have a conversation about a current issue on which they strongly disagreed.
Before and after the conversation, researchers took physiological measurements from both partners, including blood pressure and heart rate.
Some of their findings probably weren’t surprising. Both veterans and partners in the PTSD group reported significantly higher emotional stress, measured through disaffection and disharmony. They also reported problems with frequent and intense emotional conflict.
But when they looked at the physiological measurements, researchers found something particularly interesting.
While the couples in the PTSD group showed elevated blood pressure during the conversation relative to controls, the partners of the veterans in particular showed the highest blood pressure – even compared to the veterans themselves.
It’s important to note that this study didn’t use random assignment when selecting its sample, so there’s a limit to how much we can generalize its results.
Although preliminary, this research suggests that PTSD can have far reaching and significant physiological impact even among people who don’t suffer from it.
Of course, the blood pressure finding stood alone in this study. I’d like to see more research that examines other physiological and mental factors with the partners of post-traumatic stress sufferers. If PTSD really carries significant health risks for the partners of veterans, more attention should be paid to them in future research.
If you’re interested in reading the full study, it was published in Health Psychology, Volume 33, Issue 11, pp. 1273 – 1280.
For more on working with trauma’s impact on clients, and their relationships, be sure to check out the Treating Trauma Master Series.
You’ll get insights from: Dan Siegel, MD; Pat Ogden, PhD; Allan Schore, PhD; and Ruth Lanius, MD, PhD.
Now we’d like to hear from you. What’s your experience in working with veterans, or their partners, who suffer from PTSD? Please leave a comment below.
I work as a babytherapist with pre- en perinatal psychology and the onprocessed early trauma’s are the roots of later trauma’s . If you look for the DSM V markers for PTSD in relation to birth (trauma) then you see a lot o fsimilarities. So when that is unprocessed the folowing trauma
is activating the early trauma.
Right on Sylvia Verduin. The roots of all PTS started very early.
In my experience, the partner is in complete denial that she is impacted at all by his PTSD, refuses to discuss their issues as jointly owned, and sadly becomes more and more expert at the blame game. If she does put her toe in the water of having some responsibility for their problems, she demands almost instantaneous changes and almost demands that he “put it all behind him and move on.”
It is very sad to watch the relationship deteriorate and his guilt and depression increase. I believe that the possibility of childhood traumas, untreated, exist and that a great deal of trauma and grief work, in conjunction with couples communication training and counseling, is essential. I agree with the person who indicates a potential correlation between PTSD, secondary PTSD and physical and emotional illnesses. And I seriously worry about the children involved who are at the mercy of the level of the emotional wellness of their parents.
I hear your frustration with the *partner in denial* and denial on our whole society’s part makes for a constant finger-pointing event. There does not seem to be a general access to the concept of the UNCONSCIOUS mind, or the fact that we are very like monkeys who copy one another– we know not what we do. How can the blind lead the blind? Barring mindfulness, our connection to one another and positive intent are the only possibility for improvement.
Hello, Thank you for this article and for the many responses. I have primary and secondary PTSD from dealing with a severely disabled spouse and childhood abuse. I tried EMDR with some success, meditation/Mindfulness, therapy and yoga. After reading Basel Van der Kolk’s work, I took his suggestion and also began neurofeedback. After 6 sessions, my blood pressure returned to normal, low pre-marriage levels. My anxiety is gone as well. I will continue to do more sessions but after these few, I am very hopeful.
My mother was a survivor of severe long term childhood sexual assault by her father from age 8. I am her first child and didn’t realize until fairly recently that I have secondary PTSD from her as well as primary PTSD from a traumatic youthful, 7 month gestation abortion engineered by the parents of both sides in 1962 while I was married. The combination of those 2 circumstances has given me a life of therapy and PhD level classes in PTSD to try to get a handle on understanding what happened, who I am and healing. I am in the process of forgiving my parents and being grateful for my life now. From the get go, my mother split our family apart which my father tried, in a weak way, to resolve but couldn’t. I mean, he needed to send her to therapy but they didn’t do that in their generation. They stayed “strong” in the face of adversity for the 73 years of their fraught marriage. My father was positive about her to the end. They weren’t called “the great generation” for nothing. God bless us all.
I am currently staying with my sister who is a combat war veteran. She identifies as having PTSD however has gotten no help. I am an EFT Practitioner who studies trauma always wanting to learn more. This article is so important because. While I’m not a spouse my time with my sister has been more anxiety ridden and unsettling than most anything I’ve experienced in years. I love her, but I’m not the one to help and I also can’t be on the receiving end of her PTSD. I would be interested to know what chronic illnesses these wives develop, along with the children in the home. I agree also that more attention is needed for those living with someone who has PTSD. Again thank you for exporing this further.
Thank you Ruth! this study so echoes my anecdotal experience.
Thank you so much for everything you and your tremendous guest speakers are doing and have done to shine light on this issue. As a trauma-responsive therapist and survivor of a family where a parent’s undiagnosed PTSD (both from childhood trauma and wartime service) created tremendous secondary PTSD, I can say the impact on family members is significant and long lasting.
I am the partner of a veteran who has PTSD. I do have higher blood pressure than he, though he has high blood pressure also. He has been diagnosed with PTSD since 2011, which has impacted every area of our lives and our children’s as well. The first five years living with his PTSD were volatile until we were able to receive EMDR therapy which has completely turned things around for him!
As a wife of someone with PTSD from an abusive childhood and combat in the military, this finding doesn’t surprise me one bit, instead it describes well my experience. I have to believe that there is a way to do this differently, in a way that doesn’t end up traumatizing the family, but with our current social/ medical system and the lack of real VA support it is near impossible. The people that willingly support people with PTSD get no support themselves, and it is up to us to not only guide our spouses towards better health but also do the same for ourselves. This is too much which is why most of these relationships end up breaking. I appreciate so much any information that comes my way like this study so I can know what I’m up against, and do the best I can to handle the immense stress of living with PTSD, thanks.
Teachers and counselors in Phila. Schools have worse PTSD than 300 Viet Nam vets.
As a former teacher, I would like to see school systems revoke tenure practices which protect bully, (narcissistic) teachers. Not only are children traumatized by them, they learn to distrust their intuition because others tell them, or imply, that this person is safe. We need to put the children’s needs ahead of job security needs of teachers.
Carolyn.
I would suggest more in-depth study prior to making statements like that.
If you are a teacher, I would suggest another vocation.
I am a military veteran of 28 yrs, with P.T.S.I.
I am a caregiver. My husband is a wounded veteran (100% disabled) and was diagnosed with severe, complex and chronic PTSD. After 15 years of marriage, despite all the help Inhave received from counselors and lately the work I have done on myself with mindfulness ( which I know to have made a huge difference in my life in terms of choosing healthy choices for myself and my husband) I am back in a counselor office because I found myself having the same, exact fear response that my husband has. One of them is hyper vigilance and intolerance to the external world. Especially when I drive. Instead of panicking and freezing, I do what my husband does, I desplay an aggressive behavior like speading for example.
So I’m not surprised for the finding. I am also sure that like I wrote above, taking charge of mental health by participating in workshops, reading books and practicing mindfulness has saved my sanity.
How about the partners of PTSD victims of sexual harassment or abuse? Loss of intimacy. Loss of sex. Same physiological response traits to conflict and disagreement. Shame. Guilt. Loneliness
I have complex ptsd ? It affects my partner in everyway? what an amazing man he is . I worry about his mental health in dealing with me.
Me too. I had a traumatic birth and prenatal as my mother was addicted to amphetamines. Diagnosed as a failure to thrive baby I returned home at 6 weeks to be left in the back room and profoundly neglected. Propped bottles and no contact with my mother otherwise. Deep wounds on my buttocks and imprints of her hand on my face. I learned to be invisible.
At 13, I was gang raped. I only remember a little of it, although it went on for 2 days! EMDR resurrected odors, nightmares and a regression from the progress I had made.
Thanks for all the information and research that gives me hope.
Trauma is a highly infectious disease, like some kind of psychological… STD (socially transmitted disease). We are relational beings. There are no vaccines, no “sterile” zones. Nowhere to run from it, it is all around us, among us, in us.
Some don’t (yet) know it exists and has a name.
Some others are more or less aware of their condition but refuse to deal with it for fear of the excruciating pain and social stigma inherent to the lengthy healing process.
Some will even make it their identity.
A very small (hopefully increasing) percentage choose to address their psychological “issues”. I believe this is the main reason why it has taken so long for this branch of medicine to develop (on top of it having to scientifically “measure” and classify immaterial symptoms)…
amen
I have googled trauma treatment centres but they all focus on addiction recovery. It would be enormously beneficial to create centres that provide a multi-disciplinary approach including the methodologies mentioned in this series as well as herbs, havening, and modalities from of the “new” designation: “quantum healing”. This includes healing touch, Reiki, homeopathy, biofeedback, flower essences and other modalities that influence the human bio-field. Understanding the principles of quantum entanglement, quantum wave resonance and quantum entrainment and how “vibrational medicine” influences pre-particulate matter, will provide credence to the experience of Intuitives, (25% of the population according to Myers-Briggs). At present, the dominant medical model really doesn’t recognize the validity of the experience of empaths, highly sensitive people and Intuitives. We exist. And are disproportionately represented in the trauma population.
My ex husband was in the Iraq/ Iran war. He came to Australia as a Refugee ,he drank a lot , on numerous occasions hit me , thinking he was fighting for his life . He was a womaniser when drunk , took all his emotional turmoil out on me , cry a lot . Say sorry all the time . Make poor decisions , when really down self harm , burn himself with cigarette .i have remained his friend as I know that this was not his fault .
I read a great quote in the book co dependancy no more. It stated ” de tatch from the agony of involvement” our response to others illness, or troubles, is all we have control over. If we grew up with a troubled person we can attach our complete happiness to troubled people in our adult lives. In wanting them to be different and not accepting reality. In this we dont look after our own needs. Thank you for sharing its very interesting and helpful
Have you done any studies on the impact on children of PTSD forces/war veterans? I know their have been studies on post-generational trauma and how that impacts.
Kind regards
Julia
Thank you, Julia; my question, too.
I think this makes à LOT Of sense. IF The partner has an experience Of unexpected fight or flight behavior, them she world be very scared to Mention anything that night trigger usch à response. Basically, she might be in stress alert most Of The time!
Very interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you very much for posting this interesting research. I am an adult child of an alcoholic, my father. When I was 12 he recovered, but when I was 15 he relapsed and the effect was absolutely devastating. That was more than 50 years ago, but it has affected me all my life. I have always wondered why it was so devastating and why the effects continue right up to the present day. Although my experience is not directly comparable to the partner of someone with PTSD, I think there is a similarity in that it is about witnessing the personality change and suffering of someone else that you are in a close relationship with. I have found it helpful. Thanks very much and best wishes, Bill
Bill, I agree there is a similar impact for children and spouses of alcoholics. The unpredictability and misattunement from the person suffering with alcoholism and the resulting hypervigilance and chronic stress response in family members all parallel those living with someone with PTSD. The fact that many people self-medicate and regulate their own trauma with alcohol and other substances blurs the picture in that the underlying trauma has its own impact and the resulting addiction adds a layer of dysfunction. This can create a disorganized attachment in the child, where the child has no organized way of regulating and cannot use the alcoholic parent as a secure base or safe haven. That is itself trauma which can then lead to intergenerational addiction/trauma/PTSD.
I identified with Bills comment about the impact of something coming back, in his case paternal alcohol dependencies. I was a victim of incest at 9 and my mother had been an ongoing incest victim. My father suffered from deep rooted sense of inadequacy having been born illegitimate on the 1930s. My current partner has PTSD from childhood abuse and has had lots of amazing treatments. His symptons returned this year when stressed and I have had no resilience this time. Previously I have managed quite well and stayed well. I am now quite unwell, feeble, and have begun therapy. Anxious. Angry. Shared. Weak. I have been shocked how much his returned trauma responses have triggered distress and disease in me.
Results so not surprising… I’d like to see a study that monitors also the #children of PTSD clients. I have seen deep psychological impacts in the children of my fellow PTSD family members, and including mine . New study need not be just for “War veterans”. PTSD is also the result of growing up either #witnessing or directly #experiencing brutality, conflict, abuse and violence at #home. I’d like to call us “HOME-WAR Children”…
Dr. Lilliana …. Call me in …. the best basis for chronical illness …. in which ever layer or part of our bodily form …. and the huge challenge or gift to face, outgrow and heal this …. I love your wording HOME-WAR-CHILDREN …. I guess you know how true an experience it may be for many ….. Thank you for your recognition related to the leading subject …. Marion Metayah
Not to forget that these adult relationships often break down completely leaving the child/children with a broken home. Their life with someone suffering from PTSD will not be good, but the break up of the family will also have a significant effect on their mental well-being.
I am a family doctor and the partner of a man who is struggling with childhood trauma and ADD, exacerbated by recent severe work stress. While he is now off work, the last few weeks have been like living in a minefield, waiting for the next explosion. There are times when I have been very frightened by the rage of this normally loving and kind man. It’s like he has a personality change, often triggered by apparently minor things. Fortunately he is learning to recognise his inner landscape and ask for help before he loses it completely. He is also getting help from a therapist who works with trauma. I have also recognised that I am caring for a man with a severe mental illness and the huge impact on me – so am getting help myself. I occupy a tricky space – I have done a lot of recovery work on myself, I am a health professional (and not his doctor) but I am also his partner and right in the line of fire. I can be there for him (I am not frightened by his distress) but when he is raging it is all I can do to stay there with him and not run away (my own trauma response or perhaps a rational desire for safety?). When he is raging, I can also see that there is a small traumatised person who desperately needs someone to be there with him.
Liz, you are doing really well to stay there and he needs all the love and kindness you can give. I was similarly overwhelmed by work and childhood trauma. I have been using schema therapy to identify my schemes and triggers. Most of the time I would run at a fear level of 8/10 and meditation, breathing and re-parenting by my therapist failed to bring me down. My wife is not a resilent as you and was very frightened. I would pick this up and it became a vicious circle. Recently I tried cold water shock where I put my face in cold water for as long as I could. This did the trick. There is increasing evidence that it may help. There is research suggesting that arythmias can be produced by holding your breath and cold shock but there is also evidence that it can cure SVT’s! What I now do is have a cold shower and this is as effective. It will bring my fear level down to 1/10 and then I can try the other techniques. There is light at the end of the tunnel but there will be tears as well. I probably had not really accepted the brutality of my childhood until my sister wrote a letter. I could no longer deny it and this was emotionally overwhelming. If you have a lake or safe river nearby cold water swimming may help. Look on BBC iplayer for the clips of the GP who did not use drugs.. Remember to hug and sooth him like you would a an upset child.
Thanks Lloyd, your kind response brought tears to my eyes.
I may gently suggest the cold water thing to DP … I have to be careful about my suggestions.
We do spend a lot of time hugging, and we’ve found that when I rub his shoulders he gets on a physical as well as emotional level that I do love and care for him.
Funny thing – when he’s good, he is once again the loving kind man with whom I am emotionally safe and I can sob in his arms…
Best to you and your wife too.
Liz, I am away until next Wednesday but would be happy to share my experiences with your husband. He would then not feel alone. Use my email address. Take care!
Hi Liz,
I thought the others might benefit from my experience. I was the third child of a man who had lost his mother when he was six. He was mostly unloved and unsupported. He craved female attention and smoked to heavily to deal with his life. This created conflict between him and my mother as he would often leave her without money for food or clothes. She fought back but usually came off the worst. He left her briefly for another woman before I was born which severely traumatized my elder brother. I think by the time I came along there was no love left in Mum for me. My younger sister died when I was eight and I hstill have the vivid image of kissing a cold bloated corpse in her coffin. Another child bleed to death in the school yard when I was the. They were the good times! Mum was put on amphetamines to help her cope with family life and then given barbiturates to bring her down at night. For some reason Mum decided to take out her frustrations on me using some anything in her hand -pans, wooden spoons, rolling pins. The pans had flat sides and she would break the spoons on my back. She would also tell my father to beat me if I had misbehaved,
. He used a thick leather belt on my bare backside leaving scars. The NHS was just as bad with horrendous images and also threats from colleagues when I foolishly became a manager. I went to court and experienced every other complaints procedure they could devise.
I am still alive and have spent the last five years of my retirement dealing with my “demons”.
I still have difficulty trusting everyone including my wife who often responded with anger. This would trigger me which would make her more angry. After the third strike I would shut down for days. I would jump when I Heard her footsteps or the door open.
How did I start to recover? I used to take carbamazepine. This suppressed my emotions so I did not need to deal with them. As a child they were of no value. It was only by slowly stopping my drugs that I could start the healing process and I have wept a lot.
I occasionally developed raged which frightened me more than my wife. I had no control and perhaps if I lived in the states might have shot someone. Fortunately I do’nt otherwise I might be spending my life in prison for my childhood!
My therapist has been trying to re-parent me using schema therapy but I realized more parents were the last thing I needed! I neede a carer who I could trust and in reality someone who would cuddle and stroke me when things got tough. I only experienced this when I was 64 when my elderly sister did this to me when I broke down.
I have really written this for your husband who may have experienced something similar but it will also help others to understand where we come from.
I am partly triggered by my mistrust/abuse just writing this but at least it is at a controllable level.
The story is much longer but this does give you a flavor. You are no longer alone and we can all learn together.
Keep up the hugging, even more so when he becomes enraged. This is when he is the most frightened. I have felt overwhelmed by my emotions and have felt that not being here would stop the fear and pain. It might but we just have to have an open mind and heart and learn to heal each other.
I hope this helps.
Take care,
Lloyd
Thank you Lloyd for sharing your story. It is so good to know I am not alone though it feel like that quiet often. Hugs
@Lloyd …. Thank you so much for sharing yOur story …. I can entirely relate …. thinking … the demons of unhealed childhood trauma are arising in the time of pension eventually … in which ever form they may choose to express themselves … is triggering me into the innermost bonemarrow with rage … and yet ….. to embrace myself in this rage … even being lucky and embraced by another …. is sooo sooothing …. honoring … healing …. the pain perceived. I Love to read this personal story of your`s here as one of many appearently unspoken …. as I have always been asking myself … why did they not just hug me … or … if only they just would have held me … what is it for … where is the gift hidden in (t)here ? … is it Love`s grace rising from the debris of our wounds of trauma and of terror …. ? …
I’m really sorry you are in this situation. I hope things work out for you. What struck me was feeling scared at times.
I mentor survivors of domestic abuse and violence through a charity. One of the screening questions asks whether the perpetrator is in military because there is a correlation. Typically the levels of violence and abuse escalate over time as the parties’ tolerance levels become acclimatised.
Please look after yourself and prioritise your own safety. The police often ignore and there is no law or enforcement of a “yet.” Love does not protect the spouse/partner and it can become a vulnerable hole in the armour of one’s beliefs of how things “should” be vs the reality of what “is.” Perpetrators are acutely successful at matching hope with instilling fear in order to make themselves feel powerful /in control/better about their own frailties. I offer that it is safer to deal with the reality of observed behaviour rather than live on a hope of what could be.
Thank U all for sharing. I feel there’s a lot of this childhood trauma unwittingly passed on from generation to generation. Things like common poverty, lack & the brutality of all WARS just keep compounding the effects, which not only get passed around the family but to the entire community & world, as said above; we are social beings–moods are contagious. Fear creates more fear and then the need to WAR in one form or another (e.g., bullies of the world). The trauma is stuck in mind/body & cellular level. I have found mindfulness practices to help with awareness & being able to step back like the cold water. Perhaps, a milder form of a word alert could be used instead once under greater control is achieve. Certainly, we cannot suppress these less than desirable feelings–what you resist, persists. Instead, go to Pema Chodren meditations on youtube to fully feel the pain & then use kindness, love & forgiveness to release. Also, see youtube videos by Brad Yates & others on tapping; tapping accesses the amygdala in the brain and then lowers cortisol levels in the body. All of which aids in accessing the executive functions of critical thinking in the brain; instead of the non-thinking reactive brain, which is overriding the thinking brain. With loving kindness & healing for us ALL XxO
I specialize in marriage counseling for couples who have children with disabilities/special healthcare needs (having one of my own). The trauma of this experience affects each spouse differently. There are trauma similarities, from mild to severe, and the marriage is greatly affected.
Yup- the sooner we relate *mental problems* to physical and chemical harm, the sooner we
will have found the truth. Perhaps then healing will solely be about proper re-education, socializing, and
physical therapies.
I lived with complex PTSD for over 50 years, and only got the appropriate therapeutic intervention following a potentially life changing physical illness. The fallout on my family was not addressed, not recognised. It was luck that I found the therapy I needed,not design, indeed, the local health service provision in the UK is a real lottery which really concerns me, as the “wrong” help potentially causes further trauma. As it is, the main intervention is CBT…….which, in my case, was the final straw and precipitated a major breakdown…..followed by further brief therapy, which was aimed at “coping” rather than “curing”. Had I ben a military vet, I suspect I.might have been better off…..but that isnt sying much.
Sadly, Liz, I agree with your comments about NHS care. What worked for you?
Thank you to everyone for sharing. And Liz, I am also curious about what has been helpful for you.
I would love to see more research geared towards those like me who have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse. I wonder what correlations there are between those who suffer with PTSD from military service and those who suffer PTSD due to trauma.
We use regression hypnosis to guide the client with PTSD symptoms to encounter their own inner fix-it switch in a state of deep somnambulistic trance. It often works in the first session. We also offer Dr Porter Braintap Technology headsets and audios on a free trial basis, as a take-home tool to address PTSD. As a Vietnam veteran myself I work to enable the veteran-client to feel connected and received in a setting of understanding.
I like that idea of a take-home tool, because social traumas are felt again (recapitulated) in therapy way too often. Brian Weiss had a great self-regression protocol at the back of *Many Lives ,Many Masters*, which seems much like the process you speak of here.
I have seen this 32 yrs of service in Marines affect this retired 56 yr old marines fkshbks…survivor guilt…depression on PTSD…& it’s affect on partner…its very stressful…worrying & also caring very much for them…some days r great…othr days r just like a shut down factory…of emotions…how does one deal w/a one-sided relationship? Do u stay or leave?
Exactly what I’m finding…secondary is a factor in caring partners…not bcause of conflict but rather worrying about them…its huge…if u don’t hear from them…r they harming themselves…r they experiencing depression alone…how do u “not” care so much? What does one do while their setbks…flashbks calm down…? Its hard not to worry…
I am so pleased with the information coming from NICABM. In addition to working with trauma and PTSD as a Behavioral Health professional, I have a close friend effected by PTSD. He did extensive therapy in the 80’s regarding his PTSD and feels he has all the skill needed at this time. Concurrently, the work on the Physiology of Trauma helps me, as a friend, understand his disproportionate rage at times. He sees it his dramatic outpouring of outrage and anger as passionate caring and this is also true. In listening and being friend, I now can sit back when he rages and allow a safe space recognizing the fight (or flight) aspect that is in play as well…… it has made life easier as a friend of a person that has PTSD.
Thank you for all the resources you are sharing. I have watched many of you videos. Unfortunately many are live/free during my work days.
I’m walking a path of personal recovery from alot of trauma, and doing well enough to work with my bodywork clients in their own recovery with informed compassionate touch.
I lived with a Dad who had PTSD. Life revolved around not triggering his rage and nobody was sure specifically what would set him off.
It seems to me as a non professional especially short sighted to fail to recognise that partners will be stressed on multiple levels : loss of the character of the spouse, uncertainty and hyper arousal, risk of being attacked, confusion over unanticipated reactions to ‘normal’ behaviours, disconnect from spouse in emotional understanding and connection. Striving to protect children and to explain the behaviour and to take on the role of modelling and teaching different behaviour than are being observed. Plus the effects of caring for physical injuries or disability. It’s a massive burden.
I’m bemused that anyone can seriously spend time and money on a study which is merely observing what is blatantly obvious to any observer. Wouldn’t it be better to do a study measuring from baseline to discover which interventions reduce the stress most effectively? And to do that for spouses AND offspring?
Also significantly, what steps were taken in the study to specifically exclude Cluster B Psycopathy from the study? If not, why not? These would skew the results. I would anticipate that significant numbers of those on the Psycopathy scale will be attracted to the military. They would likely suffer less PTSD in terms of acts committed and understanding the consequences. Their spouses would I guess have a higher baseline of stress in the first instance which I imagine would increase on the return of the abuser.
Agree, my thought too; why do you need a study to observe the obvious.
Furthermore, military is about war; war is about brutality, stress & trauma. They should instead spent time & $ studying how to end conflicts without brutality, as well as how to educate and promote successful practices that reduce stress effects like meditation.
It is good to see that we are now considering the effects of PTSD on the partners. This study suggest that the physiological responses are much worse in the partner. I agree wholeheartedly with David Oz. We are dealing with the aftermath of two world wars which affected our grandparents and parents. Of course the modern world is becoming as equally challenging.
I feel we should ensure that partners have the same support and help as the patients.
Childhood trauma I believe is endemic in the UK at least and probably globally. I feel that you tend to attract partners that seem to have complimentary amounts of trauma albeit in different ways. Its usually the men who get the blame because they are usually more pro active in dealing with it, a purely cultural reaction, whereas the women find shutting down strategies. First step to acknowledge this trauma is everywhere, and secondly not to blame anyone. We are all accidents of birth and environment.
@David oz …. Who Am I ? Who are you and who is anyone of us? if what you say is true … *an accident between birth and environment* ? Feels like a bubble … But I like the phrasing though …
There is research already showing that people who are the carers for the mentally ill are often more disturbed than them. It seems obvious that people who are suffering from post traumatic stress will inflict stress on others!
This is the awful thing when a woman is in a marriage with an abusive man ….. the man usually has lots of post traumatic stress from his childhood … which he acts out on …. and the woman is in a crazy situation, trying to keep the family boat afloat, and mind the children. Its a terribly difficult situation.
please provide the sorces for the research( link etc.), would be happy to read, as I believe some information here is missing
I am the spouse and caregiver of an Iraq war veteran with PTS and a mild bTBI and I can attest to this phenomena. After a period of prolonged high emotional stress and high demand as a caregiver I ended up in the hospital myself after fainting as a result of heart rate and blood pressure fluctuations. After a broad range of tests I was found to be otherwise healthy and prescribed a beta blocker to mitigate the effects of stress. Thank you infinitely for your good work towards bringing greater understanding to the challenges of veterans and caregivers. It has been a great benefit to both myself and my husband in navigating our approach to healing the invisible wounds of war.
I had a client who was 50 years together with his wife who had suffered PTSD. He was quite affected by it, now he is single again and his life seems much more relaxed. He sleeps better and is less hurried. His BP is much better as well.
I have PTSI and find that a service dog is extremely helpful when dealing with my “freezes” and my night
terrors. Do you have any information or studies that include treatment for military PTSI with service dogs?
I currently provide trauma-sensitive yoga and meditation to veterans with PTSD and/or TBI. Most of them are now divorced or struggling in their relationships, and not by their own choice. They truly want a different outcome. This has made me aware of the need for resources that will help these couples communicate and reconnect in a somatosensory way, as the intellectual approach does not seem to be effective or appropriate as a sole resource in this stage of the relationship. Trauma-sensitive yoga and meditation for couples might offer that opportunity, so that is what I’m working on developing.
So glad the conversation about the effects of PTSD on partners is getting traction. My children and I all have PTSD as a result of living with their abusive father, who was not a veteran of war but, in my now more informed opinion, a veteran of an abusive mother. PTSD is an outcome of many forms of unpredictable danger, including that in the home. As an adult, living with his own repressed rage, my ex husband was violent, unpredictable, aggressive, and emotionally abusive. I had no tools, no awareness, and unknowingly participated in creating PTSD in my children through living with him.
Please keep the conversation about trauma and trauma treament expanding!
Jo, I will be in touch. Thanks for contact details. Just a bit frazzled today. Mum, with Alzheimers is pooing everywhere and I have had head to head with authority which knocks all the energy out of me. Just ready for bed, but I won’t, I will work with my diary. Thanks Claire
Hi Raymond,
This is a very kind offer. I will contact you shortly. To be honest I don’t know if I can do it with you, as the unprovoked attack that triggered my own PTSD occurred in Ireland (and we left there as a consequence), and I may find your Irish accent too much of a trigger. Sounds bizarre, I know, so I will contact you when I am less bruised. OK. Thank you for an incredible offer – there are good people on this planet. Thanks again, Claire
I am not a professional in the field of psychology or therapy. I speak only from experience. I am the 65-year-old daughter of a WW2 veteran who unquestionably suffered from PTSD. Our family experienced every single one of the symptoms described in the above article. But in addition, I have observed something else just as earthshaking. The trauma of having a parent suffer from PTSD exacerbated my own suffering from any other trauma which I went on to experience! Events which, for others, were normal, became traumatic for me. And I was “only” the daughter! My father seems to have worked out his PTSD thru dementia at age 96, my mother died of a broken heart at age 77, and I am still “working” on myself. I am so happy to hear that there is treatment.
I call this the tip-toe syndrome. Anyone (and particularly children) who has to tip-toe around someone volatile, or maybe someone who is ill. The accompanying fear of letting feelings out causes immense stress.
I use Somatic Experiencing as my main tool which is very effective.
Thank you for every single word! This helps me understand myself better.
I have not worked professionally with a partner of PTSD however I have been in a personal relationship with a Vietnam vet with severe PTSD. HE did two tour, watched his best friend explode from a land mine he was responsible to protect him from. PTSD is contagious.
I would love to discuss the tumultous relationship I barely lived through. I used to say “he would get car crashing mad over spilt milk.” My children have also unfortunately been scarred. I am very sorry and ashamed of that. Our own relationships still suffer because I allowed him in our lives.
I was unaware at the time of the level or degree his suffering and dysfunction unfortunately. I was hardly equipped to help him the way I hoped and he needed. At couples counseling, they dismissed me for 6 months while they worked with only him.
The relationship began with a sincere belief of the possibility of a “happily ever after. ” He was a silver tongue devil for sure and was very manipulative. Our relationship lasted for six years. It was a roller coaster ride that at times great but often dangerous. Both physical and emotional abuse was experienced on a nearly a daily basis however compassion often idiot compassion compromised my ability to remove myself from it all. Finally, after my own treatment with an NLP practioner, I was able to become self empowered and relived of what seemed like “I was addicted to him,” I was free but not unharmed.
I was no longer able to communicate through writing, I used to journal everyday, because my privacy was violated and to this day do not feel safe to put my feelings on paper leaving me locked inside myself on many levels Communication with others became uninvited for the same story was constantly repeating it self and no one was willing to tolerate listening anymore. Guilt still exists. There are many emotional blocks to hurdle after serving beside a veteran whose suffering was never resolved through support they should have received.
He had uncontrolled diabetes, high blood pressure, a quadruple bypass, he ended up having his leg amputated after burning it on a motorcycle along with horrible mood swings. I have never in my life before or after tried harder to make things good and failed. The last time we got back together I decided I was going to do everything right so this time I could be free without regret and it would be clear, and even though I could not believe I made such a horrible mistake getting involved with him, I could prove once and for all, know in my heart, it wasn’t me. At the end, with all my efforts and the NLP process I was able to accept and release him from my world. I could not win. I have learned to call him my master teacher because he is the one that forced me to love myself and thrive. I am still healing. I hope he and God will forgive me and this response is well accepted and useful to help others. Thank you.
I worked with U.S. military wives for several years, mostly just post their husband’s return from the most recent of multiple deployments. These wives came to our service, a free DOD service located on almost all Army and Air Force bases around the world, because we could offer confidentiality. Nothing about our meetings went on a military members service record. We kept no records. The wives reported the new returnees were highly difficult to be with, short tempered, looking for a fight (that increases adrenalin levels), with sleep problems, plus the usual symptoms of PTSD. The wives thought their marriages would have to be over.
I trained wives to be non reactive to provocative behavior, how to state calmly to their husbands that the behavior was unacceptable, to remove themselves (even to the next room) from the negative energy and to go to the gym for some physical activity. In addition, I taught them some exercises which I called “Do one thing”, really classic mindfullness and meditation strategies , but those words have little positive effect in a military setting. In the next meetings we would process their experiences, practice these techniques, and educate them about the profound effects of adrenolin overuse, and the accumulative affects on their minds of mindfulness (without using that word).
This seemed to make profound sense to these military spouses and gave them skills to negotiate the transition home after their spouses combat deployment. It was successful.
Yes PTSD affects the family – spreading horizontally & vertically. My father’s PTSD brought domestic violence & intermittant explosive disorder blowouts into our family home after WWII. PTSD was not identified yet, counseling was not a normal option yet & DV was not identified yet (no battered women’s movement yet to raise the issue of whether DV was pathological vs a normal range of male behavior). His behavior with violence, substance use, womanizing & abandonment significantly affected my mother & me (the only child for the first 6 years post-war). Due to no interventions, this behavior became normalized inside the family & kept occuring in somewhat less volatile fashion, later impacting my two younger sisters. All 3 of us girls had no interventions, so carried our reactive behaviors into our adult lives (2nd generation), with various negative effects. Not until the 3rd generation, when a suicidal plan was disclosed in adolescence & resulted in crisis interventions & followup therapy, did this PTSD inheritance get interrupted.
I use EMDR, TFT (tapping on meridian points) and Inner Child work to treat PTSD. It works very well with those not on medication, less so with those who are. See also the work of Dr. Peter Breggin, M.D., whose latest book, Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal: A Guide for Prescribers, Therapists, Patients and Their Families was published this year. He has done extensive research showing that it is common for psychiatric drugs to CAUSE depression, anxiety, mania, violence, suicide and brain damage. He teaches how to help people withdraw from them gradually with a lot of support, as the withdrawal symptoms can be devastating. I also recommend EmPower Plus Q96, a nutritional supplement that has been helping people in Canada for 16 years with mood disorders and brain health. It’s backed with many independent scientific studies.
I am a partner of a spouse who had ptsd probably childhood originated. He died last year. I am unravelling the effects of it all and have ptsd symptoms trauma grief that I am being helped through now. I was so encouraged with this article because I have been my own research of ptsd not only for him but me, grief and trauma also. One day this will help others as I get through it myself. I thank you so much for this article. So timely. Thanks Your webinars have been such a blessing for us this last two years. You have shed so much light on what we were going through, gave us understanding, made the painful process we were going through easier and now as I listen I receive the information validation support I need to understand it all and treat it so I can heal and recover.
My late husband wasn’t PSTD (that I knew), but he was depressed. (We met when he was 45 and I, 41.) He died in 2011 of a heat-stroke-related heart attack at 60. {sigh}) He was suicidal when I met him and he had been, essentially, suicidal his entire life, including drinking turpentine as a teen, which (he said) he was dismayed to discover did not kill him. (His mother and brothers were more dramatically mentally ill, including his younger brother having been committed a few times.) As his mate, I spent many years … watching … I very rarely discussed with him my own problems, needs, desires, hopes, whatever — because when he was depressed I didn’t want to add to his burden, and when he was happy I didn’t want to rock the boat. (The caretaker’s burden!)
I’m certainly not suggesting it’s a panacea or anything — but, a few years before he died, during an especially bad period of deep depression (he even, in a moment of “weakness,” described to me his latest planned method to kill himself), I convinced him,to begin taking fish oil “for his heart” (he’d been having angina). (And, no, of COURSE he wouldn’t ever go to a doctor! {rueful G})
I did not tell him that in Germany (as I understand) they actually prescribe fish oil (Omega 3s) FOR depression… He found that it did ease his angina so kept taking it, and to our amazement (and my delight!), it “healed his brain”: he lost all suicidal urges; he became warm and social (which thrilled our friends and neighbors — and me!); instead if dreading getting older, he began to look forward to ‘what we’d be doing.’ I had the most amazing 3-4 years with him at his very, very best — which I would not have missed for anything. (Sadly, he had finally committed to start eating “the primal/paleo diet” — right before his heart gave out. But he had begun to accept some vitamins beyond fish oil…)
No, I don’t think “vitamins will fix everything,” but my god! The “SAD” — the standard American (Canadian/western) diet — is SO poisonous, so detrimental to our finely tuned biological systems, that ameliorating what we eat (and don’t eat!) cannot but have a super-positive effect! Try any of these: Gary Taubes (“Good Calories, Bad Calories”); Julia Ross (“The Mood Cure” and “The Diet Cure”); Mark Sisson (blog: Mark’s Daily Apple, and book: “The Primal Blueprint”); Robb Wolf (blog and books), Dr. Mike Eades (blog and books); Tom Naughton’s funny — but scientific — documentary “Fat Head” — free on Hulu and YouTube; and his great (YouTube) speech “Science for Smart People”)…
What the mainstream is telling us about food and health is hugely false, and is predicated on selling commodity “food” products. Just as with these marvelous teleseminars Ruth is providing; you have to ‘step out’ of the standard sources to see what’s new and science based! This is information you have to go ‘hunt’ for — it won’t be ‘fed’ through your front door!
I am amazed by what you say about the effects of fish oil and omega 3s ; I had read some books in French about this subject and what you say brilliantly confirms the theory ! Also what you say about our modern diet (not necessarily in America) is quite true : it’s definitely not very good for our health ; too much sugar, too much salt, low quality fat, too many calories etc
God! Yes food is natural and unrefined…Hah! That word refined is an oxymoron! You cannot refine what mother earth produces! You can detract from it though…
My Ayurvedic Naturopath is asking me to eat 6-7 cups of fresh and/or steamed vegetables a day.
Eating right is a discipline that works. There is no getting around doing what you need to do.
This article is just what I needed to read. I know that PTSD has impacted my life. My husband suffers from PTSD symptoms and hearing loss, brought on during the Vietnam era. Since he’s gotten older, all of his symptoms have gotten progressively worse. Over the last two months, he’s had two major panic attacks, that I thought were heart attacks. He sees a psychiatrist for medication for panic attacks and anxiety but won’t go into therapy. I’m always on edge and waiting for the next ‘shoe to drop’. Thank you, Claire, for sharing your story. I can so relate. We don’t interact that much with others because he gets paranoid as to what folks are saying about him (I think as a result of the hearing loss coupled with the PTSD). Since the panic attacks in February, he has difficulty breathing at times and he squints his eyes a lot. He’s gotten much more disorganized, has difficulty remembering, and has great difficulty in crowds. When our children were little, I would wake up early in the morning, tip-toeing into their room, to watch them breathing. I’d always have a moment of panic, thinking that they weren’t breathing, followed by that calm relief when I view their chest moving. I now do that with my husband every morning. Although he’s had a clean bill of health regarding his lungs and heart, following the panic attacks, I worry all the time that something is going to happen to him. I have tried meditation with limited results. I keep thinking ‘once he’s OK, I’ll be able to relax and breathe’ myself. I now realize that I need to take care of me anyway. Not sure what the next step is, though.
Diane can you think of a way you can talk your man into release therapies–like EMDR, SRT,or RET?
RET, incidentally, you can do on your own. Rapid Eye Technique…find it online.
The problem as I see it in male veterans, is they are ashamed and in denial that they are so vulnerable.
My father (ex-POW WWII under the Japanese) had PTSD. I had an interesting childhood. We lived in a very rural area anyway, but, as a PTSD family, we avoided people, crowds etc. None of us kids ever went to the circus, theatre, cinema, parties etc etc as “we would just come home with some bug”. We had a holiday home in the most remote part of Ireland…. when we went to the beach, we left if there was one other family….. eventually we all learned just to swim off the rocks in front of our house – no people. Dad was the manager of a fishing lodge, very elite guests, and only a few at a time, so that worked well. To de-stress, he loved his garden. He was very balanced, he smoked (unusual for someone as wise and health-conscious as him), and very much unto himself.
Now I have PTSD, and hope to find someone who can help me. I think my sister also has it, which might explain her episodes of depression, and the fact that both she and I prefer to work from home (= safe, away from the unpredictable events caused by other humans!!!)
I whole-heartedly agree that PTSD is a ‘family event’, and I really hope someone out there can help me to overcome my issues around people, my fear of being attacked publicly, all the insomnia and anxiety…… however I live in France now, and any support would have to be in English.
Had a nasty PTSD-driven day two days ago (observed abuse of a good person by those in authority), and found I could do nothing all day, totally exhausted, crying off and on. I relaxed, did yoga, did yoga nidra and all the coping tools I have found help me cope. It then hit me like a sledge-hammer that the reason I am the primary carer for my mother who has advanced Alzheimers, is that it serves a purpose: a PTSD purpose. I remain isolated from main-stream life, I cannot work (earn a living) as Mum needs me (consider all the financial implications of this).
I just wish I knew a way to get over this horrible, horrible debilitating disease. Is there any one of your readers who would consider working with me (free of charge as we are now so poor due to my seeminly ‘humanitarian decision’ to care for Mum full-time) via phone, email, Skype? I would love to know what it is like to be ME. Not PTSD driven me. If anyone could/would help me, please reply and I will supply my phone and email. It is a long shot but the world is full of good people. Thank you!
Claire,
Thank you for sharing your story. I feel that attending to the whole family in treatment of PTSD is necessary and would be most beneficial to recovery of the ‘primary PTSD person’. There are simple techniques that could be brought into a lifestyle – to bring PTSD ‘into the light’ (with love and without any judgement) within a family or for a person caring for their self.
So good to know you are observing yourself and taking action toward wellness. I would be happy to work with you gratis. I’m very interested in your situation. If you Google my full name you’ll find me, my website is my full name .com.
Dear Claire,
I am also a military brat born during the Vietnam war. I am not a therapist, but if you need a friend, perhaps we could encourage each other on our way up out of the trenches? I also have a mother with Alzheimer’s, a fact I do not think is a coincidence. One thing (besides therapy) that has helped me immensely is a specific kind of writing, as detailed in James Pennebaker’s book “Opening Up” and expanded on in “Writing as a Way of Healing”, by Louise Desalvo.
Sincerely,
Elizabeth
I found a way that has worked wonders for many thousands of people.
Please look at a special journaling book series… by Lucia Capacchione, Ph.D. .. Recovery of Your Inner Child would be the first book .. and do the exercises in the privacy of your own home.