How to Ease the Pain of Trauma-Induced Shame
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with Bessel van der Kolk, MD;
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with Bessel van der Kolk, MD; Ruth Lanius, MD, PhD; Peter Levine, PhD; Thema Bryant-Davis, PhD; Richard Schwartz, PhD; Pat Ogden, PhD; Janina Fisher, PhD; Kathy Steele, MN, CS; Stephen Porges, PhD; Martha Sweezy, PhD, LICSW; Deb Dana, LCSW; Ruth Buczynski, PhD
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Thanks that was really good and helpful and made me think about the work I am doing with a young client I have.
I always pick up something new and am so surprised that the strategies and techniques shared seem so simple but the impact so powerful – eg. talking to the ‘parts’ to help bring them into the client’s story of awareness (brought into the ‘light’) and not just experiencing the aftereffects of them fighting from the shadows!
Lastly, I wish I could join you on this course but, unfortunately, it is just a bit too expensive – despite it being reduced at the moment.
Thank you again
Eileen
Thank you, I have recently had a few clients who foud positive feelings very hard to expirence. This last seminar has help me to undertand and learn more about this.
Thank you
I am a registered Clinical Hypnotherapist in the UK. I often meet clients who had emotional scars from their childhood. I would lead them in deep hypnosis to the very initial events, & helped them to be a witness what had happened with their child’s eyes. May be help them have a conversation with the other party so that can express their child’s feelings + heal the scars… Help them to understand that the adult themselves survived + are supporting their child part of themselves.. Helped them to set up a conversation between the two parts of themselves… The child would always smile at the end, & feel safe..
Thank you! This session helped me understand more about the nature of shame – the maze of complexity, dimension around this powerful human state that shows up in maladaptively in many places. The biggest takeaway to try to bring to shame (and some other difficult emotions) the embodied caring and loving approach we would bring to a young terrified child.
Very helpful material that I will use with a long time client. Especially the concepts of shame as protection and treading slowly and carefully into positive feelings that actually threaten this protection. Thank you to all contributors.
It was so helpful to hear about flashbacks as a form of abuse. I’m currently treating a young client who revealed just such a behaviour last night.
That the trauma story is not the point. It will come out. But first, address the shame, anger, etc.
I thought the reframing of shame made so much sence to me, this will assist me to develop more specific resources in my EMDR practice and coaching. Also, the working of how to connect with clients in a co regualting mannor is so helpful. I would love to here from Dr. Amen on SPECT imaging and and how that can assist with helping clients understand whats happening in thier body about the casue of their distress/issues. . Thank you all for sharing your wisdom. Carol Ann
Beautiful and deep awareness!
-Why positive emotions can trigger
– powerful Distinction of Moral injury
– ways people manage the shame: blame others, blame their self, avoiding and dissociation of experience
So grateful!
I noticed, in myself, that there is a 1/10th of a second of guilt that follows a good feeling. It had often made me shut down the source of the good feeling or reduce it’s intensity. Now I see it as a survival mechanism that I was carrying. An old behavior in a new context. It no longer has its use and is therefore able to be discarded. I am grateful for expanded awareness. That I can observe these lightning fast perceptions that, in the past, went by undetected. I am from South Africa and I appreciate you sharing your content globally for free.
I had not heard of moral injury before and found that interesting and how to identify it.
These conversations are so informative and educational; think it’s useful as an educator. I just retired, and wish I knew this during my teaching years!
My biggest takeaway was that repetitive flashbacks can be a form of self abuse! This blew me away! I would really like to hear more on this, especially on how to address this.
Hi there! I found that to be helpful as well.
I’d love it if this was expounded in. What does that look like in a client? I’m assuming she was referring to emotional flashbacks? How is it resolved? How does this manifestation differ from Pure O OCD and rumination behaviors?
Today’s information was SPOT ON! Loved that you touched on so many aspects of shame, triggers, parts of self,. I have, for a long time now, felt that cognitive refuting is not effective and have been using. compassion and holding other realities as an alternative in addressing shaming thoughts. So exciting to hear you put a voice to that idea! Thoroughly enjoyed tonight’s discussion!
This is very helpful timing for me as I am seeing a Borderline client tomorrow who torments herself with negative interpretations of events against all evidence and in spite of encouragement and positive reframing from so many people around her. CBT and MCBT have only very short lived impact on this behavior. She has refused to work with EMDR. To help her see that this is her subconscious and somatic way of trying to create protection might help her to finally shift her rigid insistence on invalidating the positive events and positive feedback in her life and relationships. I’m looking forward to taking a very different direction with her. Thank you for this,
Today’s session sparked many insights about how to approach some key issues in addiction medicine and specifically in the behavioral advice I write for the KIOS software to support OUD/MAT patients in opioid recovery. The reframing of shame, the validation of moral dilemma, and the concept of titrating comfort in positive emotion will all be useful frameworks from which to generate unique, personalized and meaningful guidance inside the software. The reminder to remind clients, too, that recovery can be a rich and complex process and that it’s not immune to the fluctuations of life is also a wise and useful suggestion. Many thanks!
Leslie H. Siegel
KIOS Development Team
ALL of this was highly relevant. I am a fairly new practitioner, so I have much to learn! I will be looking into the Parts Theory more. I like the idea of a client not adding to the problem by trying to exile yet another part of themselves (the controller/manager) which would potentially just cause more trauma, but rather, finding ways to manage, resolve, integrate, heal and move forward. Also, I have a client currently who self harms (cutting as a para-suicidal behaviour). While she has been improving bit-by-bit, I now have some great ideas around how to help her. I also gained somewhat in self-knowledge, as I am shame-based. For example, while the “something bad will happen if I feel something good” comment is a familiar experience for me, it really helps me to hear a trauma expert say it. I feel my experience is validated. I have new ideas on how to help not only others, but myself as well.
Many thanks! 🙂
Thank you all very much! Today’s the first session I have attended. Super helpful the focus on shame, moral injury- including defining it- and the caution and need to titrate positive emotions! Loved all the somatic examples! I work with Veterans, doing suicide prevention. And am also in a Master of Divinity program. Much to apply, here-including internally! Thank you again!
Gratefully, Jill Severson MA, MDiv student Maitripa College
I find it interesting as a Vocal Psychotherapist to notice the sounds of the “body centered” practitioners voices. I also wonder with so much emphasis on the body (which I agree can be very helpful), there is no awareness of the voice and what it is telling us.
I noticed this also! The practitioners were so skilled and phenomenal at what they do, so I found it fascinating that the voice was often left out of the visceral experience they were intending to transfer/co-regulare/share/ present with the imaginary or historical client.
A lovely reminder that no matter how skilled we are, we all have our blind spots … and we all have an infinite amount to discover in our own bodies and minds.
There was quite a bit on prosody/tone in previous modules.
Oh, yes.. as it’s all connected to the breath!!!
Although not mentioned in this limited, free session on shame, the previous free modules did address the importance of prosody / vocal communication in Trauma with Stephen Porges, his polyvagal theory and its application. Some of the same practitioners who spoke in this module also addressed vocal tone, pace, etc. in that module as well, so this has not been left out from the whole of this group of trainings and support.
I have found every session extremely valuable and have jotted down so many take-aways and small “gems” each time. I found many useful aspects in today’s session but the notion of self-blame and self-shame having a protective purpose and survival mechanism was very impactful for me. We need to take care not to rush in and try and “reduce” or “minimise” these feelings as the purpose they have played in the client’s survival may be critical. Patience and our own ability to hold and sit in the shame and fully accept the client is crucially important in our work.
Susan,
You were heard and lovingly witnessed by me, another incest survivor. Motherhood was beyond my ability to even attempt. The healing you have done is shown by the fact you are here and willing to talk about it.
I am very grateful for content like this from NICABM as well.
thankyou, I got so much out of this session. Almost every thing said was a pearl of wisdom. I think the main takeaway though was that ‘love is the enemy of moral injury’ to learn to love others and self again, and of course at the root of Love there must be trust and this trust is damaged. also this loss of trust in self is something a current client is experiencing, and he is afraid he will be abusive like his father. So the essence of dealing with trauma as I understand it is that we cant fix it, we hold it, we then build on the positive learning to love and trust.
I find some very interesting ideas for working with traumatized patients who use self harm as a way of releasing shame and control of situations! Interesting to see the two sides of self harm!
Thank you so much for doing this. I am going to directly ask “How did not being able to feel good things help you survive” with one particular client next time I see them. We have talked in more general terms about this, but I love the idea of directly asking this question.
Thank you. I appreciated the real life experiences from experienced therapists with their clients to put theory in practice. In this way, I have learnt practical strategies from different modalities to form a holistic approach to working skilfully with clients shame and moral injury.
I am concerned that the whole world is undergoing moral injury with the attack on our Human Right to choose what we put into our bodies right now. I am anticipating being overwhelmed with work for this reason with many victims of moral injury unless we all stand up and put a stop to this Human Rights abuse.
My Doctor and other clients who work in hospitals ARE overwhelmed with so many hospitalized, dying clients who do not believe in science and vaccinations. We all had to have Chicken Pox and Polio vaccines back in the day and life expectancy improved and people weren’t fighting with each other over a health decision.
So Sad.
I personally know people who got COVID from someone who refused to get vaccinated and are battling the disease for 6 months now, with very bad effects that are likely going to be irreversible and will likely lead to their untimely death. There are people who cannot get vaccinated and it is our responsibility to protect them by getting vaccinated.
One person’s right to choose doesn’t trump another person’s right not to be injured by the other’s choice. There is a social contract at play here. How is the welfare of others in a society secondary to the right to choose to get vaccinated or not?
Yet there is still choice. Yes, the choice has consequences but that’s part of being an adult who is part of a social group. A person is free to get other employment if they choose not to meet the employment requirements.
It may be difficult to find employment where the health and safety of others in that workplace is irrelevant though.
I appreciated Dr Van der Kolk’s comment about therapist voyeurism for details and ask self who getting the details is benefitting. Additionally, I learned more about somatic aspects of trauma and shame. All the speakers were very articulate and informative. There were too many helpful points to ennumerate. I appreciated everyone’s presentation. I, both, learned a lot and received validation for what I already do. Thank you for the last commentary about how we all make a difference. It’s a fairly insular experience to be a psychotherapist in private practice. The encouragement and support is appreciated.
In his book, he shares his experience in EMDR training where the trainer told him his own need to know the details of the trauma does not mean the client actually needs to share them. And yes, in my own EMDR training I role-played the patient. We were supposed to use something real, even if not an actual PTSD trauma, and I had to hold back some of the details because they were about the actual people I was with! I can verify, it still worked. About 15 years later I found myself laughing out loud and nodding emphatically while listening to The Body Keeps the Score. I love that he shared that!
Be careful on my motivation for asking.
Keep my body contained and listen to my body when it speaks.
Be willing to share the normality of shame.
Ask what the body part has to say or what it would like.
Notice that silence can be shame.
Thanks. I have run groups and noticed that the more introverted or shy members seemed ashamed of not speaking.
I’m not even a psychologist or therapist, yet I find this information extremely useful in working through trauma in my own life. Thank you all very much!
Thank you so very, very much for today’s training.
it’s all incredibly relevant and was also very relevant to my work today, which has touched into that area of sensitivity around experiencing positive connection when that is so completely unfamiliar to the client, and how to slow the session, and really pull back to allow their own system to regulate to just a little bit of the witnessing and experiencing of that positive awareness.
It was beautiful to come to your training today and to hear that being discussed thank you so much.
I am a Craniosacral Therapist ~ and a many of the clients who come to me are trying to resolve early trauma and to reconnect to the energy field of the body for the first time.
I super appreciate these trainings
I’m not in a position to purchase the package right now but I really appreciate it thank you so much.
Bridie Jane.
Heart of heaven Craniosacral Therapy.
Let me just say that this module (Part 4) has been the most impactful! The information shared has reiterated that having the feeling of shame can be adaptive, protective and motivational for a client who has experienced a traumatic experience. Our language, as well as, it’s delivery is crucial in the helping process.
Today, I recognized/contained how I was feeling and did not employ (empathic failure) when a client verbalized the enormous amount of guilt/shame she was encountering due to a decision she made this past Saturday that caused the painful death of her beloved pet.
Thank you so much, today’s training as been effectual!
The recordings have been so informative and insightful. I found myself really relating to the different approaches to traumas and how to handle situations that arise. Thank you for these videos.
Dr. Sue MD, JD
I am especially grateful that these programs are directed toward (and designed for) professional counselors and therapists, and yet are offered openly to the public. I am already applying the information in two ways: as an Activity Consultant who works with eldercare patients and the Activities Staff in assisted living and nursing home facilities. There are simply no services available to/for elders (beyond brief psych diagnosis and meds) that can help them gradually heal/deal with past and present griefs and traumas. The Activity Department Staff & Chaplain end up serving the masses in that regard – be it using cognitive or somatic approaches by default of the services that these practitioners provide, without any formal trauma-counseling training, such as this. Secondly; as a small charity, we have had the challenge of working with technology volunteers (and received website development grants) over the last decade, only to experience added trauma and shame from the tech-sector-collaboration process. We have sadly discovered some very dysfunctional systemic behaviors hidden within the STEM/Tech industry along the way. My most immediate and direct application of what I learned today, (and purchased so I can review!) is already being used to help myself, and our charity’s newest tech professional intern/volunteer, to hopefully ‘heal-through’ our past tech-sector trauma-experiences together. We are attempting to unlearn the dysfunctional methods for hiring/buying/cooperating/collaborating with tech-services -pros, by tech-clients, which we have each been groomed to accept as normal by an exploitative global-employment model. To me, the tech-dev sector has come to represent a fairly self-undermining demographic mix. (repressed-toxic-masculinity with tendencies toward covert sabotage vs. domineering-inclusivity with tendencies toward exploitation and expression-oppression)… So, while the tech industry may not be as dysfunctional everywhere as I have experienced, it is dysfunctional enough that I know I am not alone in my experience of it as an occasional non-profit tech-employing client who needed a website built, yet felt abused and shamed by that experience. Gently and gradually unpacking the work-life/school-life/home-life/tech-life trauma and shame MIGHT just actually be what keeps our current tech-collaboration project on track… Maybe? Either way; I am grateful to NICABM for their help AND for their ‘sample-til-sale’ workshop-marketing methodology! Your collaborating teacher & tech team has more than earned my investment!
I loved every part but the segment about being mindful that positive emotions may be difficult for trauma survivors to experience was great. I find that to be true with my clients (especially male clients due to culture pressures and trauma etc) I will be even more mindful of their resistance to positive emotions and go slowly but spend more time helping my clients ease into experiencing positive emotions and eventually welcome them. Thank you. Jennifer D. Smith, LCSW (I work at the VA with Combat Veterans).
What was new for me yo hear, was moral injury, this segment made me aware of what I already witness with a person who presents shame and moral injury.
Thiscreassured me. And helped me have greater understanding, and a road map to refer to.
Bringing back joy into life, is associated with time, as well as helping the person to recognise the good in their life.
Also, I resonated with the alternative perspective of a personal response to a scenario to be protective and a natural survival.mode.
This program is so apt and timely, for me to be hearing this right now.
I have followed Ruth and her team, since 2012, these programs have helped me understand my own experiences and challenges. It also, helps to imbibe more compassion for everyone, and ourself.
A BIG THANK YOU TO YOU ALL, FOR YOUR INSIGHTFUL KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENTIAL SHARING.
So, my big question is as a friend to one person, an associate to another, and a adult relative to a third, who all have low tolerance for negative emotions and positive emotions, what are some ideas for me in those roles of how to act. I am tired and frustrated with either watching others being treated badly or experiencing it myself when I am supportive and kind. And, if I bring up nearly anything and the person seems distressed and is striking out verbally. In the roles of friend, and especially family member, I want to be myself. What is one to do when it seems impossible to “get it right “? It is not a therapeutic situation – it is just being in my everyday life.
Thanks for any thoughts.
M Claire
I have no idea, but what did occur to me is:
1. They are responsible for their choices, not you.
2. If you feel you need to respond, take the stance of curiosity and ask a calm, non-judgmental question instead of making a statement or taking a stand. “I want to understand better.”
3. In these situations, always recite the serenity prayer to yourself before opening your mouth. Then ask your authentic self if you really need to respond.
4. Remind yourself that people change themselves, not you. Wish them the best in this process and relief from their emotional pain quietly to yourself.
5. Strengthen boundaries and grounding, including calming breathing techniques.
This is what helps me.
Virginia, What you listed as #1 doesn’t seem to jive with what Thema Bryant Davis talked about. I certainly agree with what you listed as #5. But as for everything else you listed in between, isn’t this just advising M. Claire to walk on egg shells? (Being required to walk on egg shells in one’s own home is abusive and potentially traumatizing).
It also seems to me that this situation can be very shame inducing for M. Claire (as she mentioned that she “can’t seem to get it right).
M. Claire, Perhaps it isn’t about “getting it right”? I hear your desire to help them. Perhaps just sharing the information you learned in today’s segment (about how low tolerance for positive emotions can be a symptom of trauma, and about just “holding it”/just being with them in compassion may be what they need?
But please create a boundary for yourself so that you are not having to tolerate being snapped at all the time. I still use, “I am sorry, I am just unable to hear you when you speak to me like that,” (which is something I learned a long time ago to deal with my children’s whining). I find it works with folks of any age, because it puts the onus back on them to find a more appropriate way to communicate their needs (if they are trying to appeal to me for help meeting their needs).
Striking out verbally is verbal abuse. You need not tolerate it, nor excuse it (because they have been traumatized). Not everyone who is traumatized is abusive, so excusing and tolerating the abuse isn’t doing anyone (you or them) any good.
Please note my last line: “This is what helps me.” I was not giving her advice. In fact, I began with, “I have no idea.” I noticed that the relationships she described were not therapist-client, which influenced my reaction to her dilemma. I responded because I used to react as she described quite a while back, and I no longer am challenged by this and wanted to share with her what I thought helped me in case any of it fit for her. She can take what she wants if anything, and leave the rest alone. Freely given. Perhaps freely taken.
Excellent the best so far. Every practitioner was in their own area of expertise around one of the biggest issues in Trauma care. Impressive all of them. I could see myself and my ownhealing process alongwith my counsellor’s excellent skills. Also I realised more clearly why, as a wounded healer I have held back on doing 1:1 client work and I am glad that I did. I can see that I need to do further work on myself and feel much more confident about Shame work and reaching out for group and 1:1 supervision.. Thankyou
The idea that multiple flash backs is a possible sign of self harm was eye opening for me. Once I heard that my immediate response was “Yes! Now I can see how my client’s part is using that as self punishment!” Thank you. That will be very useful.
Kellee, Is it really self-punishment? (Remember what Fisher said about choosing our language carefully and skillfully)? I was also surprised to learn this about the repetitive flashbacks (because I experienced them this past spring). I definitely was not trying to punish myself. And I had absolutely no control over the intrusive memories and dreams and the associated negative feelings they caused. (So I certainly did not bid them for the purpose of self-flagellation)! Indeed, I was very distressed by them and wanted them to stop.
I think perhaps the message was that forms of self-abuse is an indication that there is unresolved (or unconscious) shame that needs to be addressed. (And to bring to our attention that repetitive flashbacks is one overlooked form of it, so that we are better to recognize when our clients have shame that needs addressing).
I can’t imagine telling a client that they are abusing themselves (causing their own suffering) by having repetitive flash backs would be at all helpful or productive. Especially when the nature of flashbacks is that they are intrusive and unbidden!
I absolutely agree with you on this. As a survivor of childhood ra trauma, I experienced what you described re flashbacks and nightmares. I am blessed to have many years of healing with therapists who were ahead of their time re having the knowledge in these presentations. I think that even if there is some truth that a particular client has a protector who is using flashbacks in that way, asking them about it bluntly is not the way to go—it could feel to the client like blaming the victim. If the therapist is using Internal Family Systems therapy and the client is able to be in Self enough to work with their own protectors, then the idea could be approached wit a “be curious” attitude of working with protectors.
Remembering compassion -for myself and others – keeps me in a better position to self regulate and be there for others to hold space and be with pain.
Acceptance.
Personal responsibility to stay regulated.
Humility in common human struggle toward unburdening.
Shaming power of dehumanizing approaches and condescending attitudes.
I love your use of language. I am also inspired by these comments
Thanks so much for the lengthy discussion and exploration of self-harm. It’s really helping me think more deeply about a client I’m currently working with. Your program is so very useful!
Hi from Australia. Just watched session 4. Thank you so much for having this on in our time zone. I learnt so much today that I can apply to my work straight away!
I really like the somatic experience. Do you know if the CEU are NBCC approved?
Thank you for discussion about self harm being addictive.
My biggest take away is how slow a practitioner has to be, with the entire process, including introducing the client to good feelings when they are healing from their shame experiences.
Thank you so much for this !
I am a Graduate Counseling Intern. I have a new client who is dealing with shame and moral injury. This has helped me get on tract to working with her in a way that will honor her experience.
I am a Yoga Therapist. I resonated with the idea that the story is there only when it serves the client and guides the process. Being with the body in the moment has saved years of cognitive story cycles. For me the big shift is feeling more ready to take on clients with more serious forms of trauma. For now I have stayed with the trauma of over-working and all that brings including no time to grieve, no time to feel, no interest in sex. These are important and within my scope. I now feel a client with deeper issues might be more likely to let them come to the surface in a session with me because I have more capacity to respond. Thank you for presenting these precious skills and ways-of-being in such a professional way.
The disregulation regarding positive emotions helped to validate many of my experiences , especially in the light of considering how my brain has been wired for survival, not fun. Also , resonated with the speaker who mentioned how CBT can cause harm. Some of the “positive “ phrases used by therapists made me feel completely helpless. yes, I know my thoughts are not rational, I got good grades & have always been thin , but no amount of CBT could change the feelings in my body. I look forward to learning more & using this grounding work with my patients I am an acupuncturist, so we have always looked at energy, tone of voice, and somatic complaints in a holistic manner. We have also been using acupuncture to calm the nervous system & heal the vagus nerve
Titrating with “positive emotions is disguised by twisted cognitive empathy and/ or twisted emotional empathy over 35 years of “loving” Torture by 12 plus individuals applied to an undisclosed individual on the Spectrum is supposed to identify and release Shame ?????.
The life long journey begins with e periencing Trust.
Returning to positive emotions after being Tortured by psychopaths / Narcissists / Machiavellians who use positive manipulative emotions ( distinguishing cognitive empaths vs. emotional empaths) to con / abuse a 73 year old Neurotypical undisclosed on The Spectrum in dividual during the past 9 years.
Preciouses information delivered so concise and precise that difficult to comprehend it thoroughly during the session. Impression is just GREAT! Very appreciate and admire of the huge emotional and intellectual work to obtain such knowledge and experience, your contribution to improve of quality of mental life so drastic of entire our society by kindly sharing it so generously.
I like structured presentation by description of problem, difficulties in identifications, cations in mistakes and potential issues, and clues to strategies to solutions. Everything new for me: problem identification, way to search the solution and strategies to improvement, and difficulties and precautious of the treatment itself.
Thanks so much!
Thank you! Just a share about what Ruth Lanius said about SELF HARM….That *it is a symptom of Attachment Trauma.* This is an intriguing path toward pre and perinatal days.
Some time ago when I read *Cutting* by Steven Levenkron, I was also in the process of taking a course at APPPAH to help process my birth and post birth traumas. The class pointed to the real possibility that the early maternal and baby traumas (attachment traumas) may have a relationship with the CUTTING at a C-Section, or Episiotomy. etc. Did mom resent the episiotomy? Was mom relieved to stop the pain by C-section at a long delivery? Where does the present day client cut himself—-midsection or lower arms or upper legs? Close to where mom was cut?
There is a relief in reiterating or completing a motion which feels incomplete, says Pat Ogden. Hanging oneself or wanting to, may relate to almost being strangled by the cord at birth…Could this be perhaps be resolved by becoming fully conscious of the birth trauma? And Amniocentisis may relate to Tattooing as a sort of compulsive replay of feeling puncture to predict a better future, when there was a maternal fear of problems while carrying the baby. It resolves the worry–an amniocentisis does.
There may be no closure when the client is not fully conscious of what is causing the self-harm.
fascinating theories
Thank you for explaining my immense discomfort with Positive Emotion. I finally understand why I tear up at every “warm” family interaction on TV; and, more importantly, why I didn’t feel “maternal” and “overjoyed” when my only child was born. I was afraid of becoming the spirit-killing parents I spent my life trying to fix (from a heart motivated by love, not just an unbalanced need to attach, I hope).
I probably didn’t feel the “natural” desire to hold any infant I came across because I wasn’t going to do it right. I’m also doubtful that my mother enjoyed picking me up. I may have even felt uncomfortable being held. What a devastatingly sad thing to now know! I’m 72 and still battling the moral overwhelm(and life-long suppression) of my biological father making me interact with him sexually. But there is hope when the truth is told. Please keep talking about these things so that we can heal ourselves in the presence of loving witness.
Oh, Susan. There’s so much pain in what you have shared. Kudos to you for making the effort to gain a greater understanding about yourself (and about your mother). There is never a “too late” for that. I pray for healing and restoration for you!
Beautiful ! I second that ! We believe in you !
Great comment and so insightful for me personally – “tearing up at every ‘warm’ family interaction on TV” really resonated, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. I’m 62 and struggle for the same reason. I freeze at the drop of a hat and my thinking goes blank. Others put words to my experience. I’ve never been able to do that
Susan,
You were heard and lovingly witnessed by me, another incest survivor. Motherhood was beyond my ability to even attempt. The healing you have done is shown by the fact you are here and willing to talk about it.
I am very grateful for content like this from NICABM as well.
The Parts concepts will work for me with one particular client. The disregulation around postive feelings and moral injury discussion also very useful. Many thanks for your professional generosity.