How to Work with Patients Whose Trauma Triggers Problems in Their Current Relationships
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with Stephen Porges, PhD;
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with Stephen Porges, PhD; Terry Real, MSW, LICSW;
Janina Fisher, PhD Richard; Schwartz, PhD; Pat Ogden, PhD; Martha Sweezy, PhD, LICSW; Bessel van der Kolk, MD; Ruth Lanius, MD, PhD; Deb Dana, LCSW; Thema Bryant-Davis, PhD; Ruth Buczynski, PhD
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I have learned alot through these sessions. Thank you for presenting these.
Thank you for providing this course, which was really inspiring. At many points the concepts related to clinical practive provoked some kind of ‘Aha Erlebnis’: that is a useful and helping way of looking at it, which feels as a just way. For instance deculpabizing the client and relating his behaviour to their learning history. I am grateful for the new insights.
Thank you so so much for such a fantastic and insightful series. As someone living with the legacy of trauma and someone trying to navigate through a relationship everything that has been said has resonated so deeply. From a relationship point of view realising the destructive and futile impact of banging the same old drums with your partner whilst you are both in different autonomic states (particularly if each state is the exact trigger for each other) has been invaluable. Hearing that cemented today from each expert’s own take or with their own vocabularies has been really validating. The more I hear from all the wonderful experts you have over the various series you’ve done the more the knowledge imparted becomes a truly felt sense in me and not just understanding on a cerebral level. The wisdom shared is my truth and is allowing me to give voice to that truth. From the bottom of my heart I thank you all.
I am part of a group of counsellors working in the addiction/substance abuse field in FIfe, Scotland. Loved these sessions and will definitely use some of the ways of working for future. I will also share some of the information gained with my colleagues and would be happy to recommend your package to them. As we are a charity our individual CPD annual budget does not currently stretch to paying the current cost but if individuals are in a position to pay for this themselves then I would recommend. It would be excellent CPD for any practitioner as It’s full of useful tools, very easy listening and uses simple easy to understand language.
Well done to everyone involved ?
Sarah
Thank you so much for developing this programme, the 4 sessions I have attended have been very informative and thought provoking.
I will be very interested in seeing how the knowledge informs my practice and supports the new direction my works is moving in with children and adults who have been adopted.
I am saving up to buy the gold package and was relieved to hear that it is possible to purchase it at a later date all be it at a higher cost.
Dear Ruth, Dear Lecturers,
Thank you, I am very glad to have been able to participate in your program. I find the knowledge and clinical examples very helpful working with my clients.
What I would appreciate is the online supervision with some of the lecturers. Please let me know if there is such an option.
Kind regards from Poland,
Katarzyna Kunicka
ps There is a huge need for trauma healing in my country which you might realize if you follow the news
As a lay person, I would be so grateful for a therapist who used these techniques in practice. I am 58 and still in Freeze much of the time and have found no one who understands. This is to encourage practitioners to take advantage of these skills. They are needed and you will find satisfaction in making a difference!
I am one of the lay-people who signed up for the program. I experienced a traumatic event this past summer, and this series has been incredible useful and comforting. It’s been helpful to understand that the physiological issues I’ve been experiencing are normal. It’s also been affirming, because I was being pushed to take anti-depressant meds (which I don’t ‘believe in’ anyway) and could see clearly through this series that meds would not have and could not have assisted in my recovery. Instead, I had moved in the direction of massage and body-work, which seems to have been the best thing I could have done, with the resources currently available to me. I appreciate being introduced to presenters who have other videos on YouTube, as well! Thank you VERY much for putting this together. It is useful for me now, and I’m sure what I’ve learned will help me for the rest of my life. I’m a bit sad the series is over! I’ve really enjoyed it.
I have found the programme extremely interesting. Thank you for all the useful modules around trauma. I work with children and their families and the strategies that you have provided will be woven into my practice. It has also give me inspiration for further research and reading.
I have found this course very helpful and have been using the strategies and insights with my clients successfully – Thank you!!!
Unfortunately I’m unable to purchase the package as I’m paying for an MA. Many thanks to you all for sharing your knowledge !!!
Thanks for your hard work. I think what I will use most is the concept of the wounded and adaptive child. Also, the idea that is our body that chooses how relationship and we can help to understand that to reduce shame in partner that feels a failure or not good enough to be loved by a “good person”. As always, so much care and kindness in the training!
Thank you! I have a family where the father is re-enacting in his current family (the wife is please/appease and the son is reflecting this. They came to see me as a couple and surprisingly he opened up in a way that apparently he never has before. I am not a therapist and I now have tools and more signposting ideas to encourage him to continue to invest in healing.
Thank you so much for all those precious knowleges.It has been so informative and so rich!. It triggers curiosity and desir to resd more about it …. You are doing a wonderful job !!!!
Thank you for this wonderful seminar series! Much appreciated.
Thank you
Thank you for this profound series. What stood out for me today is that when the wound of the abused child opens, she/he needs the support of a mature responsive adult. When trauma has interfered with the development of the mature adult, the wounded child is left with is the adaptive child, who does not have the capacity to provide what is needed for healing to take place, but does have the capacity to support some kind of survival. Over time, with therapy or practices like meditation and yoga, a more mature adult develops internally and we or our clients/students/patients can stay present as the strong fight/flight and freeze responses come to the surface. We can say to ourselves, “I will not leave myself” no matter what the wounded child serves up. Our mature adult grows stronger and gradually develops increasing confidence that we can handle whatever comes up. Much gratitude to all my surrogate parents in the form of teachers, friends, therapists and loved ones.
That was a very rich program . All the therapists are lovely people and knowledgeable practioners – what a treat! , Thankyou Ruth . I work with the “ adaptive child “ in clients – Terry’s piece will certainly further that .
I’d really like to hear more about the counterintuitive approach to support clients continually moving towards abusive partners and feeling unsafe with more healthy ones , If you decide to do another Q and A followup .
Thank you so much for the great work Ruth, and the wonderful team of experts who had contributed once again to this most updated master course in Trauma. I had purchased a couple of courses which includes the previous one on Trauma, and It had been so helpful in my work with my clients. Unfortunately not this one at this time.
This is truly another great course even with what you freely provided to us. Some have been a refresher, however lots of thought provoking ways to understand more of our clients inner being to being mindful of our own responses ie verbal, facial and body language etc. One trauma case I can recall on dissociation, it has helped me to understand why one of my young client continuing self harm despite receiving therapy. Thankfully this client has finally got the help and support from the relevant social agency she needed because of the trauma therapy work she had received. And,I am grateful to the generosity of the team of experts who willingly share their research work and experiences to the international community. God bless you all.
What an incredible series! I came upon it in Module 2, and have already incorporated so much into my psychotherapy practice. As a new clinician, it’s so useful to have words and reasoning for what until now has been largely instinctual in treating trauma in my clients. Additionally, a a survivor of trauma, it’s fascinating to understand they “why” behind my own treatment.
Ha… Ruth Lanius may find trauma necessitates her to keep repeating herself to clients…
I would say some therapists too?! I was trained thoroughly to be curious… Is it possible to be curious enough? My biggest take away is that I need to be even more curious. Over and over.
Thank you to your whole team!
Hi, 2 things really stood out for me today; one as a reminder and the other as a useful reflection..
1. When someone is triggered by a past trauma they are unable to stay present in a current relationship. And 2. Secure attachment and safety grow with emotional, physical and spiritual limits, guidance and nurture. I hope I captured that correctly.
Cheers
I was in a violent relationship at 19-22 years old and was lucky to come out alive (and also saved my two children). Now 30 years later I’m trying to understand, feel and heal the effects of trauma. Hearing “why do I choose these men? My body chooses them” and ideas around abandonment in early life is helpful. I will take this and other insights to my therapist. I lost my job with covid so I’m very grateful for having access to this free section. “Trauma isn’t a life sentence” …. I’m not there yet but it gives me hope – thank you Ruth & the team!
Great series and so nice to make it free to all. Ruth always does a great job. People probably don’t always appreciate the great amount of work that goes into these series. One comment would be to rephrase the constant reference to “patient.” Patient sounds so clinical and seems to emphasize the fact that people with mental health challenges are “sick.” Also seems to denote power inequity in the partnership. More often than not, the person receiving counseling is not a patient, but is a “client.” Can the word used more often be “client” instead?
I totally agree with your comment.
While In homepathic college a great teacher once said, we call them patients because we are asking them to be patient with us. His humility has always been a guide for me.
I agree with this fully. I use the word client all the time when talking to all different types of practitioners so they get use to hearing it. I feel it reflects what a proper medical care arrangement should be. The client / practitioner is a business relationship. It is the client that hires a therapist to help with a problem. The client expects results. The client should thoroughly interview and vet the practitioner to determine their credentials, training, specialties, skills, years of experience, and accomplishments. Ask for a resume and references. Request a plan of action, diagnosis and treatment plan and re-evaluate after a period of time to determine if the practitioner is the right fit and that you are satisfied with their service. I don’t think clients really know how to work within the system to take charge of their care with their providers to get the best care possible for their selves. This in itself creates a power imbalance due to client’s inexperience and ignorance (which many providers may prefer). This is a huge problem within the medical community in general, in my opinion, which can be traumatic in itself. It leads to a power balance dynamic that is not in the best interests of the client. Health care is so expensive, in general, because it is based on a for profit motivated system designed around the needs of what is best or most convenient for the practitioners/providers. Clients always seem to be secondary like we are lucky to even get medical care never mind good care. It is like playing Russian Roulette. You don’t know what you are getting when you walk in the door. The process of receiving psychological care can be very distressing and triggering when there is already a power imbalance from a position of authority. This does need to change so clients can feel safe. It makes for a better relationship arrangement when the client feels empowered to be a true partner which may include firing. Firing should be OK. It needs to work well for both parties. As a professional, it is up to the therapist to be open and honest about structure, process, education, homework, progress and outcomes. It’s up to the client to be clear on their goals, objectives, expectations, provide honest feedback, resolve conflicts and concerns and appraise progress.
Although I do not do couples therapy per say , the breaking down of Traumatized Psyche into ” the Wounded child,the Adaptive child and the Functioning Adult” was very helpful for preparing the rupture within.
Superb Series and I am glad to have bought it
Will keep on Returning to it.
Great and delightful Learning Experience.
with much Gratitude
Now I can see why my appeal to an abused client speaking from his adaptive self, asking him to be more compassionate toward his younger self, may be rejected and seen as weakness. Being harsh to himself and also toward others, can be all that allows him to recall what happened when he was manipulated and sexually abused. In fact his own body may have responded, allowing the abuser to say it was “his fault.” Looking at involuntary bodily responses, “freeze” and dissociation, should offer avenues toward self acceptance. I am glad that psycho-education was included, since sometimes the route to techniques to develop deeper awareness is through permission of the rational frontal cortex.
Thank you.
Kay France Schepp
Both my husband and myself are both childhood trauma survivors. I am also a psychotherapist. This series will help me continue to help others.
As I am aware of my husband’s childhood trauma, it is beyond my scope of practice to “use” this information with him. Finding a therapist to help my husband move through his own trauma, is difficult. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”, etc.
hello here all the wonderful people. where can i find all filled-up study guides to check out whether i didn´t fill it up with some mistake ? can somebody post them on facebook page or sent them to mirko.smelkooo@gmail.com ? – i would really appreciate that, before using the study guides
Could have listened to RELATIONAL ISSUES DUE TO TRAUMA for days of understanding. so helpful to get client into functional part of self and observe adaptive part. how to help IP to self observe young adapdtive defended part and reframe this as a strength and to learn to be curious about angry,defensive part and not act from it…..were just some of what I found very useful in today’s presentation. thank you all
this course has profoundly deepened my understanding and healing. I’m deeply grateful. I feel very moved by the open-hearted offering of by the institute of these teachings publicly over these past few weeks, which is such a source of goodness and transformation in a society where it is deeply needed.
Thank you very much for this.
Hello from Suzette Misrachi, author of “Lives unseen: unacknowledged trauma of non-disordered, competent Adult Children Of Parents with a Severe Mental Illness” and brief articles I’m invited to write for psychiatrists and other clinicians which I then put on “medium” for free for the general public.
I will certainly take on board the great ideas presented here. They are all compatible with my research and my areas of interest, i.e., trauma and grief. I would have liked some of the presenters to touch on how grief is integrated into their work. Maybe next time?
Many thank for this great video!
Suzette
In my work with trauma survivors, I find most suffer from complicated grief. This would be a great addendum!
Concur whole heartedly. It is ‘ Complicated
Grief Therapy ‘
Cannot thank you enough for this series, very thought-provoking, and valuable for any practitioner. Many of the parts stayed with me, but perhaps the one that had the most impact on me while listening was the 3 questions that Terry Real would ask a client’s adaptive child, 1. who did you do it to? who did it to you? and who did you see do it? Addressing and exploring the witness, the victim, and/or the aggressor parts in the adaptive child. Thank you for this series.
Hello, I have a question. I am not a practitioner and thus will not being buying this package. However, I would like to purchase one of the modules, module 5 alone. Is this possible? And if so what is the price? Thanks Sherry
Hi Sherry,
Unfortunately, we are not offering the sale of individual modules.
Thank You,so much.I am just a ”Layperson”,however I will use these new thoughts, ideas in all my relationships and with myself too.
Appreciate the concept of the Wounded child, reactive teenager and the Adult. Also how those parts are brought into relationships. It is so helpful to finally hear words and terms that depict an instinctual truth like noticing the “exiled” parts of us.
Thank you for educating the rest of us.
Better equipped for myself and to help others.
I feel so grateful that there are other people in the world healing it with me. THANK YOU.
This was very helpful. I especially liked Ron Siegel’s comments about please/appease at the end, very helpful.
seminar with clarity. I use EFT in my therapy, and there are a lot of similarities of EFT with techniques used by speakers here. I think it would be good to have an integration of all these practices. I am Fred Li from Hong Kong, certified EFT therapist and EFT Supervisor, and EMDR therapist
Learned so much as a student whose interest is in trauma work.
This provided so much accumulated wisdom from these extraordinary practitioners.
Thank you for this series. I learned a lot and appreciated every segment.
When Dr. Lanius said her client felt she could rape her, I thought Dr. Lanius as “therapist” became Dr. Lanius “the-rapist,” silly I know but maybe there is energy to words, compound words even when not intended…it was a bit of a joke.
I enjoy your seminars. Thanks so much for the complimentary taste. I plan to watch the ones I purchased soon and am thinking of purchasing this one and others as well.
This last session, Module 5, was very helpful. Gave me helpful insights into my husband’s depression. I liked the descriptions of the Wounded child, Adaptive child, and functional adult. How to work with the adaptive child was valuable. Thank you for these sessions and especially the diagrams, infographics, transcript, etc.
Ruth and Team,
Your program has been absolutely excellent and a wonderful mix of theory and practical strategies. I will not only be applying the ideas in my practice but also in my teaching.
Many thanks and I look forward to future developments.
Regards
Prof Denis O’Hara
I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your generosity as you all share so freely of your knowledge and expertise. I’m still working but in a much reduced capacity since the pandemic hit (75% less clients) which has prompted me to look at the possibility of retiring (unlikely since I love what I do and there are very few service providers doing my work in my area of Vancouver Island, B.C.). I’m not in the financial position to pay for your programs at this time but I did purchase 2 programs last year. I want you to know how much I value the content and your willingness to provide it for free.
I have been working with persons with an acquired brain injury since 1996 and have always shared any resource or information that I could with the belief that I cannot support everyone personally so the more resources shared will ultimately help a broader range of people (this was not a widely shared view in the 90’s when there was a protective nature around sharing of knowledge or information but thankfully this has changed in recent years).
The clients whom I have supported in the years that I have been doing my work did not generally have access to additional supports such as counselling so in most circumstances I was the only resource available. Although I have always been clear with my clients that I am not a clinical counsellor, a very large part of the support that I provide is psycho-social as I assist people to work through symptoms of trauma, grief and loss and relationship challenges/changes. Helping people to understand and acknowledge these barriers while helping them to develop compensatory strategies around their brain injury symptoms has played an integral part in their ability to transcend their experience and find the new gifts in their lives. I am grateful to have been able to do my work and have seen beautiful transformations when people are able to receive support in both areas at the same time.
So again, thank you – you have made me feel supported in my work as I maneuver these challenging times with my clients. This information truly is the underpinnings of my work. I’m sure that there are many more like me who do not have a wide network of colleagues and may feel like they are working in isolation, so you may never really know how far reaching the impact of your generosity is, but it is greatly appreciated and these stronger understandings and tools will serve my clients well.
With gratitude ~ Linda Metcalf
Truly excellent series, thank you so much for making such refined trauma expertise available it’s been amazing!
Distinguishing the two types of trauma: violation or abandonment was really enlightening.
I agree with George Starr. This has been my experience as a female practitioner treating males who were sexually abused by their sisters or mothers. The deep shame felt is what makes it difficult for them to speak about it. It impacts on them and their relationships. Maybe NICABM could consider having an entire segment solely dedicated to this type of scenario?
I had one particular male client who was married with 4 children. It took him 5 years of counselling before he had the courage to tell his (confused) wife why he had certain behaviours. It was complex but he pulled through, still married and working on becoming a better dad to his 4 children (a mixture of boys and girls).
In my work with such men and also with the many traumatised women I see… I will certainly take on board the great ideas presented here. They are all compatible with my research at The University of Melbourne, Australia, entitled ““Lives unseen: unacknowledged trauma of non-disordered, competent Adult Children Of Parents with a Severe Mental Illness” and the brief articles I’m invited to write for psychiatrists and other clinicians which I then put on “medium” for free for the general public.
A big thank you!
Suzette Misrachi
As a Concurrent Disorders student, I am grateful to have found this program in time to listen to the last session of the series. It has been inspiring and impactful on many levels. I’d love to purchase the gold level and would do so if instalments were a possibility.
Thanks again for this terrific, heart and mind opening session!
Outstanding learned the different protective positions for trauma,reframing defenses,working with the adaptive child in couples setting,helping patients contend with the inner critic.Will certainly have to view videos and go over transcripts again due to the health of knowledge shared.Above all refreshing to hear a clinician say to a patient forgive me for missing something that was important to you.
Excellent series. The pdf roadmaps make it easier to capture important points for later review. The combination of experts, education, case histories, tips and techniques makes for a richly textured master series. I highly recommend it for beginner to advanced therapists-much to chew on! Thank you for this gift to the world!
Excellent programme – re-emphasizes need for eclectic, multi modal approach to facilitate the healing of trauma -I am engaged in another intensive training programme at present and too much more may overload and be overwhelming in terms of integrating strategies and practical information but keen to consider such a programme again in the future