Treating the Scars of Abandonment: How to Work with the Enduring Impact
with Bessel van der Kolk, MD; Janina Fisher, PhD; Karlen Lyons-Ruth, PhD; Ruth Lanius, MD, PhD; Martin Teicher, MD, PhD; Pat Ogden, PhD; Usha Tummala-Narra, PhD; Eboni Webb, PsyD; Martin Bohus, PhD; Megan Schmidt, PsyD; Ruth Buczynski, PhD
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I’ve treated BPD as a trauma disorder for the majority of my time as a clinician to the confusion of many of my colleagues. To hear the comparison of C-PTSD to BPD and consider the overlap/misdiagnosis of clients as Bipolar who regularly don’t respond well to medication that come to me with complex trauma that hasn’t been addressed makes so much sense. We know traumatized brains don’t respond the same way to psychopharmaceuticals as typically developed brains. And then thinking of one client in particular who’s life has improved dramatically with ketamine completely fits this profile. I’ve also always felt that these clients can heal/outgrow! This has been amazing. Apologies for the stream of consciousness -type response. I’m excited!
Looks to me like you may be conflating BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) with Bipolar Disorder. This is something that I have had a hard time with, as BPD has always seemed to me to be an intuitive way to abbreviate Bipolar Disorder. As far as I could tell, no discussion of Bipolar Disorder here, irrespective of responses to medication.
Thank you so much for this wonderful session. So much evidence and practice informed wisdom. I am a foster mum to a beautiful, terrified, strong and kind little boy with significant abandonment trauma. This session has been both affirming and of my understanding of him, equipped me with more strategies and of course a whole lot of questions. I am also an Occupational Therapist who has learnt sooo much from being a therapeutic parent to our little guy. I would LOVE for this work to be developed further for working not just with adults with CPTSD – but the treasured children we love and care for and seek to both help to heal and minimise the long term effects of the early trauma that they have experienced. THANK YOU!
Reframing BPD as a trauma disorder
Augment security is session by being even more detailed on expectations for therapeutic encounter
Seeing BPD as a trauma response
I’m happy to say that I’m using these strategies already. It’s validating to hear others talk about this work in this humane way. I am excited and inspired about the direction of this field. Thank you so much for doing this work and sharing it. It’s so important!
the idea of compassion to the inner child i will use it in exercises of imagination.
One take-away for me is to reframe what I considered to be the Secondary trauma – that is, the client’s traumatic experience has not been believed, has been discounted, made light of or ignored , or the client has not been supported in his/her journey to heal, or is met with a lack of empathy, or receives comments like you should get over it by now, etc to reframing these experiences as Neglect and Abandonment issues. The clients always feel neglected or abandonment but I have not always framed it clearly in this way. I have worked with clients to create compassion and work toward healing of their parts, and use EMDR with a lot of success. I have not used Deep Brain Reorienting but will look into this treatment. Thank you for making clear that Borderline Personality Disorder is Trauma-related.
The hour is jam-packed with information that one needs time to think about and integrate. I like everything about program today and intend to watch it again when I receive the video and read the transcript when I also receive that.
Emotional Invalidation. Traumatic Invalidation.
Children and adults may be affected.
May occur in children that witness domestic violence.
Quality of affective communication are predictors of many disorders.
Borderline personality disorder is also a trauma related disorder.
Compassion and survival are incompatible. Patients that experienced abandonment can´t access compassion. (Trauma) invalidation means the child is of no interest. So, we invite the person to start by becoming interested in the parts that were abandoned. As they become more able to be interested, invite them to listen to those parts. the add… no one ever listened to those parts… as the parts start to respond… relief comes. Can you let this part know and understand why they are afraid? Compassion can start from here.
That what we have called a border line personality disorder is actually a functional adaptation to trauma should lead us as a profession to exploring in particular other personality disorders as to function, but potentially other mental disorders rather than as individual deficit. I found Martin’s work illuminating as the adaptive abandonment behaviour will evoke rejective responses in social groups as other securely attached children sense the “unnaturalness’ of the responses and perhaps even explains how we “reject” mental health patients in our wider adult social culture. It’s a great series..thank you very much
I thought this was interesting to hear about as a refresher. I look forward to deeper dives via the gold package. I was hoping by livestreaming that you would be able to ask questions live.
As my country, Australia is seemingly about to reject a referendum on recognition of First Nations People in our Constitution, I personally have the trigger of abandonment and birth trauma. surfacing with all the symptoms expressed by Ruth Lanius.
How extraordinarily interesting and helpful.
Thank you so much. I’m working with a counsellor using EMDR.
Janina Fishers description of how to work with self compassion was very easy to understand and apply. Asking the right questions relating to parts that gradually develops clients internal validation.
Also helpful to understand how therapist can trigger and evoke hunger and longing.
Not clear about how to process trauma shock response. Especially if not trained in EMDR.
Bogus double hit explanation was helpful as well. Familiar with that and a good reminder. Now how to meaningfully respond to that would be a good discussion.
Deep brain reorientation isn’t clear to me yet. Is it a somatic awareness and anchoring process?
Sorry typo.. Bohus!
This was a very awakening trumpet to any practitioner. I missed last week introduction, however, I am so grateful to have listened to this presentation; especially pointing my knowledge to the relationship between borderline Personality Disorder to abandonment/trauma. I look forward to the next session.
I appreciate what Dr. Bonus reported. When working with Acute Stress Disorder, we find a significant drop in trauma symptoms and actually being able to work through with no PTSD Dx.
This information has helped me better understand my own trauma as well as the trauma of my foster son. Thank you.
Intrigued by some cutting edge reframing as well as new modalities of treating trauma from experts. Thank you!
Subtitles would be helpful when the German doc is speaking.
Wow – reframing BPD into CPTSD abandonment context can de-shame and empower so many clients. New way of looking at BPD for me.
Wonderful unfolding of the underlying layers of phenomena of Trauma of Neglect and feelings of ‘non-existence ‘/ a life never lived.s The synchronicity of BioPsychoSocial / PsychoNeurolmmunoHumoroPhysio
Models are beautifully explored in a comprehensible way by senior Experts with knowledge of Cutting e edge technology.
with gratitude,
Srishti Nigam,Dr.
Two big ideas stood out for me, the negative power of traumatic invalidation and the ideas about the internal attachment system is totally new to me, but so obvious when I hear it.
Most of my clients are functioning business people, who will openly admit to being emotionally and body sensation/feeling illiterate. They start out oblivious as to what is distorting the quality of their thinking and decision making, and being unaware that supressing or expressing uncomfortable emotions and body sensation, from acute and chronic trauma is actually taking from their work performance and quality of life. I have an “exercise in integration” that is being enhance by taking your courses. It get people to name the emotions they are experiencing, become aware of mis-attunement of their innate needs, (due to trauma) that is giving rise to their uncomfortable body sensation, and associated vibrational energies of neuroceptions (porges) that accompany them. A basic understanding of these interrelationships then gives the person a platform of understanding from where they can take the opportunity to integrate their (mild) trauma memories, which are the felt perceptions / uncomfortable vibration body energies, that are separating them from being in unity with the present moment & contextual thought. This enables these functioning business people to be able to give themselves a ‘rewind’ for cronic trauma memories. By simply taking time to feel their feelings and give the vibrational energy parts of themselves, firstly acceptance the then unconditional love and compassion. There is a bit more to it than this but it work wonders for people, because they are so dissociated from the fear emotions, when doing the integration exercise.
But now I am going to reflect and hopefully, it will come to me how to enhance this skills set by giving more emphasis to the person giving more strength to their own “internal attachment system”.
Ye are doing great work its brilliant to see intelligent minds collaborating.
Thanks,
Bart Mc Enroe
Bart@bobib.ie
wat you are doing, all of you, and spesioally you that organise it, is amassing! Thank you so mutch!!!
I think I am going to work with the idea with the rope betwin therapist and client, and use the body to do it. to be an emboded thing. I will also to lesen to it at list a seconde time if possible. Because if English in not you mother languish, like me, you need to listen to it again inorder to better undestend more. Thank you again for this oportunity!
Please please Yes, get rid of the shaming label of BPD. Music to my ears and can only make sense that it comes from the early years of attachment gone wrong and what is underneath – The pre-defined network – social traumatised network. Enjoyed all the presentations. I liked the setting out of the 3 steps and the ‘tightness’ of setting the boundaries with compassion. Use EMDR but do to know about Deep Brain Re-orientation. I realise I am not answering the question … because I need to think it through more with a number of clients in mind. I like the gentleness of ‘can yo use interested in that little part.’ Will definitely use. Concept of ‘traumatic invalidation,’ I see in the adopted children with whom I work.THink I could use the connecting strings to do the exercise with parent and adopted child.
Thank you
Very ,very GOOD teachers! Congrats everyone.
I understood your clear presentation.
I`m an hydraulic engineer outsider , COACH and mentoring young people of Environmental Sustainability and Project of working…
Three years ago I begin to study something about the brain and Psicology, because I like and also to help my son , and my brother…..to understand their Personality. And of course myself. I will try to use some of your ideas that I have listen today!
All the best for Nicabm and Thanks very much.
Thank you for this very informative and eye opening session.
I take away the difference (and connection) between hyper- and hypo-arousal response to abandonment (or later in life to the fear of being abandoned).
It makes clear from which ‘level’ the reaction is coming from (instinct related) and why it seems like a death threat to a person with this experience when a partner is not responding or even leaving.
It also makes sense why it’s not to overcome only by ‘knowing’ (on an intellectual level) about the trauma and that one isn’t in danger as a grown-up.
That it is necessary to adress it on a deeper, a sensed, an experienced level.
Thank you.
M. Fuchs, Transformative Coach, Switzerland
Thank you for the opportunity to experience this module live. I’m not a therapist but am currently engaged in therapy. I’m engaged in therapy to gain a better understanding of myself, consolidate existing self awareness and personal development. I do have a sister who has recently received a diagnosis of BPD and so my interest today has been to gain greater undertanding of this diagnosis, which I have done; thank you. However, in addition to this, I’ve also gained greater insight into the relationship between my therapist/counsellor and I, and the changes that have taken place in me as a result of that positive relationship. My learning here today will also enhance my skills and has provided more in depth knowledge of trauma informed practice in my role as a social worker supporting foster carers caring for children who have experienced a wide range of early childhood trauma.
Thank you
This is excellent information for me as a lay person to take away and do further research on. Local services are not fit for purpose. Hopefully when I finally get to the end of the waiting list I will be armed with education incase they misdiagnose me or don’t offer what I need. Education can’t filter through services and professionals fast enough. I used to work closely with the homeless, there is so much undiagnosed and wrongly diagnosed trauma in society. I’m now unemployed due to poor health, so I volunteer and advocate for those without a voice. This information will help empower us. Thank you.
Thumbs up
As a mental health activist, what I was reminded of all the way through is that BPD is the modern hysteria; a misogynistic fantasy based in observer conclusions about the inner workings of others’ minds, whose purpose is to oppress the oppressed even further. The epistemic injustice is astounding. Thirty years after Judith Herman’s Trauma and Recovery, we’re still mostly at the stage of, “Maybe it’s time to rethink this.” Psychiatry and psychology have a lot to answer for. I am so grateful that your reframe is giving millions of people around the world hope that they aren’t just bad people and the tools to stand up and demand change, based in research and sound reasoning and not the ignorance, denialism, and pseudoscience of the DSM brigade.
Wow I love your comment. I agree with you entirely. Thank you for posting.
Spot on…Thank YOU!
Thank you Alice for bringing in the social perspective, and how the systemic injustice issues are inbuilt into some of the DMS diagnoses.
Thank you for the very informative session. As someone who has gone through DBR and had nearly given up on therapeutic intervention for my cPTSD, I was skeptical but pleasantly surprised by the positive results that reduced the reliving of traumatic events following a trigger, allowing for early identification and ability to operate and remain within the “window” of tolerance. Thank you for commenting on this as a treatment option. I hope more therapists will consider incorporating DBR into their practice.
Thank you, there was a lot that I appreciated from this webinar. I was born in trauma, abandonment, rejection, due to my mother having untreated Schizophrenia. I have helped many people with childhood trauma over the years simply by just understanding them. I think my take away from this is that when we are helping we are not only helping to heal but also have the potential to trigger because of attempting to approach things that may need to be addressed. I made my own model for inner child work so its made me more aware of how delicate a process this can be. Thank you for the work you do. Thank you for “seeing” the unseen parts of us that leave us like little children sitting in the middle of a large warehouse floor screaming into the silence.
Beautifully said. I have found too that understanding on a shared experience basis is a very powerful tool to help others.
Excited to see better long term outcomes for my clients through utilising a far more wholistic approach to treatment. One that addresses all the areas of the trauma and trauma response so that the healing is more complete and enduring. The building of self compassion and vulnerability appear to be key aspects of this. Intuitively this approach of embracing the whole of the client and their experience and thereby facilitating a deeper level of healing feels like a wonderful opportunity to do good in the world.
Thank you
Talking about changing the world. I am now 74. As a teenager my life was spiraling out of control, from what I now know was the result of abandonment related to my parents’ economic status and accidents I experienced as a child. Fortunately, I was directed to therapists who gave me insight and direction. Though not living a perfect life, I consider myself greatly blessed, getting married, having three children and a successful career helping others. This could not have been predicted from my early life.
Thanks a lot for this informativ and profound video. I am working as a SE practitioner for years, got some great impulses and ideas of dealing with that topic. And for myself as a trauma survivor of abandonment, maternal withdraw and lots of traumatic invalidation i now have again a deeper understanding for my own suffering and the inability to live love relationships (up till now!!!) And i also see how much already shifted in my life because of millions of traumatherapy sessions 🙂
I found the section with ideas on how to process the trauma valuable. It is useful to see how to move the client from severe “stuckness”/emptiness/fear to having an internal representation with parts which could sooth and calm the person.
Many thanks for this current series; it is so helpful for us.
JZ in South Africa
Thank you so much for this webinar. It was great to get some different language to describe some of these states of being. I found the description of maternal withdrawal and its affects very interesting as well as the idea of traumatic invalidation. I recognise both these things in some of my clients but it’s good to have these more simple, straight forward names .
Incredible, so thankful for this important and relevant information. I am a client, not a practitioner. Your presenters were spot-on, and wonderfully compassionate themselves. I took an abundance of notes, names and strategies, and will share with my therapist. What a gift, to be heard, to be noticed, and to be believed. Thank you with all my heart.
Thank you for this session about treating the wounds of abandonment. All were precious to listen to. My biggest takeaway is “deep brain reorienting”. I will study more about this form of treatment, as I suspect it can be an indicator as to why people may go into hypoarousal and feel nothing.
Keep up the good work.
Kind regards,
Sandra C
Cl. Psychology
Portugal
I have a new patient who says he was beaten every day by his father as a child. Despite that he has managed to have a long -term marriage and long- term employment. He says he is married to a good woman but she is concerned about him and their marriage. He also admits to a porn addiction which I think serves as an anti-depressant. He said it gives him release and a sense of control. I think understanding the neurological components of trauma can help me help him.
Thank you so much for sharing this very valuable information with those of us who aren’t therapists but do work daily to help people with the issues you discussed today. Your wisdom and compassion for treating them to bring healing is very appreciated!
I have to say I’m very proud that I can see that my country is following the newest approach for trauma treatment and we’re giving our best to keep track.
I’m grateful every time for the reminder at the ending of presentation. It means a lot.
Thank you for beginning to open the practitioner awareness of this disorder and how to work with patients who have these experiences embedded in their being. I recommend exploring when all the protocols of ESM with Dr. Lambrow and Dr, Pratt are helpful yet ultimately lead to the one most overlooked protocol; that seems to be a deep six container for all the resourcefulness and denials related to abandonment and neglect….which is GRIEF. I urge you to consider this when researching for identification, identification, diagnosis and treatment of neglect and abandonment “integrated behavioral solutions” in the “surviving” adult.
Again thank you.
Last week I saw so many relationships of mine reflected and how they are affected by their traumas, which was great insight as I continue to envision and strengthen my commitment to healing trauma: my own, my family, my community, my world. Today gave me solid confirmation that the many therapists and guides in my life already have set me on this path, and to review how I see my late parents, my historic family, my nuclear family and the parts of my self. Hard but good and much appreciated.
Thank you for a very enlightening and practice relevant broadcast. The understanding of abandonment and traumatic invalidation is very helpful, and I will definitely use both exercises and questions to my patients with a focus on developing internal representations.
I watched this as a parent of an adopted child who clearly experienced abandonment as a result. She wrote the book on BPD. Through years and years of steady therapy with the same therapist, progress has been made. She is specifically addressing her traumas and I am seeing a different child. I never thought it could happen. This wonderful program helped me understand so clearly what has been happening. Thank you so very much.
I really appreciated Janina Fisher’s share about having the validation and understanding come internally instead of externally. This made so much sense. I love the way she broke it down into questions to be interested in. I also love the idea of strengthening the internal attachment system. Such a profound insight. I really enjoyed this session. Thank you everyone for your amazing work.
I am not a mental health professional but I work with young people who have offended (I am a Youth Justice Service practitioner in the UK). alot of my young people have experienced trauma in early childhood and I try to take a trauma informed approach. I struggled to fully understand all the language used today but I connected with the Trauma validation ideas; I think I can use this compassion and validation approach when working with young people – I hope this helps them to in some way understand that one person is at least listening to them.
Thank you for this resource. Debby.
I wish you well in your work. I used to work in the homelessness sector. I believe that if all young people could receive validation and trauma support there would not be any offending. Punishment doesn’t teach. I volunteer for Restorative Justice and recommend it for your young offenders who want to move forward with a clear conscience.
Thank you for these powerful webinars. Very informative and educational. It will allow me to enhance my interventions as a licensed creative arts therapist with the clients I serve. It is also helpful in how I will educate the team of practitioners in my department as to how symptoms exhibited by our patients can be indicative of other issues and how vulnerability may appear as a threat. Thanks looking for more in the upcoming webinars.
Today’s take away was the language of “can you be interested in that part [that fears abandonment]” … it made me think of how the intersections of IFS, SP, self compassion and narrative therapy can provide a portal into inner child healing.
Thank you!
Comment that stuck with me:
When you are in survival mode there is no place for vulnerability or self compassion because that’s unsafe. Unsafe for an open heart. These skills have to be taught again to heal.
Thank you for the webinar. 🙏
I found this webinar very helpful, it’s tied up a lot of how I already work with clients but gave me a deeper insight to the specifics which I will use in my work and will support me in moving my client forward. I could think of a couple of clients who will benefit from this. I am looking forward to the next webinar. Thank you for making this available.
Much appreciate the webinar, the knowledge and expertise shared.